maybe tomorrow

not today

[findingpeaceinquotes]

Love, well love is technically just a chemical or string of chemicals but I can’t remember which, but I can tell you that chemical is the single most important thing inside your brain. Love means companionship, love is what makes you decide who you want to be around, love will show you pain, pleasure, regret, hope, and everything in between… Love will make you cry, or it can make you laugh. Life is meaningless without it, dull and grey, and when you find it everything fills with vivid color! Love is what everyone searches for in one way or another, isn’t it? People love money, sports, cars, make up, books, their career, their kids, their mother and father… now, when I hear “love” I think of a girl, not any specific girl anymore, but I think female. Not everyone searches for love in the form of another human being, and I don’t either. I THINK female but what love really is, love is the bond, the connection between two people. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Love is the spark, the fire, the passion in a relationship that makes it work. Love is understanding, communicating, and trusting the other in a relationship. I really do miss the warm & fuzzy feeling of love. It sounds strange but love is what drives me forward these days… “Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow” is what love means to me.

@hypophrenia-is-my-friend

[archanecdoche]

Lately I stopped arguing,.not because i don't care, not because i dont love, but because i knew this isn't where i wanna be. I knew this isn't the dream I planned for years. It just happened. That you learn to choose happiness everyday, even if someone's not. "The fact that someone loves you doesn't rescue you from loving yourself".

[shutteredbits]

All the answers you’re looking for is one click away.

[archanecdoche]

I am a person of culture doubt.

I doubt whenever i meet people. Thinking if they'll like me. Thinking if they could sense a good vibe on me that would leave a mark on them when we split our ways. Or worse, will it be awkward since i'm not the social-butterfly person and i can't even build a conversation because i might end up hurting them with my words.

I doubt if i'm a good friend. Well, I don't harm my friends in any way but... I am that type of friend who can't check up on you everytime. I'm fine with occasional talks or chats. I'm fine with just you, reacting on my posts and pictures. I am fine with you not around, but ofcourse it would be better when you are. But it doesn't harm me and my relationship with you as your friend. And if you're a friend of mine, you will always have that special place in my heart. But i doubt it's okay because based on a lot of experience, being unactive as a friend means less vibe, and you'll be on the least of priorities to remember. And that, sometimes hurt.

[archanecdoche]

Rejoice with those who rejoice; Mourn with those who mourn.

[luxeor]

ハウルの動く城 Howl’s Moving Castle

[archanecdoche]

Wag mong hayaan at baliwalain. Baka mabasag. At mabuo ng iba.

[pleasegetout]

Ang Sakit Mong Mahalin

[listenmorning]

[archanecdoche]

The 'me time' i need.

[archanecdoche]

Suddenly, he stopped caring with all the dramas.

[archanecdoche]

Ang sakit pala, pag mas naiintindihan ka pa ng ibang tao kesa sa taong higit na nakakakilala sayo.

[archanecdoche]

“Kung hindi ka nakatulong sa pagkabuo, wag ka na sanang maging rason para masira” 

[archanecdoche]

Do not raise yourself by pulling other people down.

[archanecdoche]

A month in a relationship:

"Pagod na 'ko. Araw araw na lang bang gan'to. Blah blah blah.. Gusto ko lang naman gento ganyan. Tapos blah blah blah"

Years in a relationship:

"Joke lang di pala 'ko galet. Nakakatamad mang away"

[archanecdoche]

"cause right now I see all these people that love me but I still feel alone"

[archanecdoche]

I was molested.

This happened 2 years ago. I have never talked to anyone about it. Not even my boyfriend. Not even my friends. Not even my family. I want to share it to all after I found myself crying tonight, shaking, praying, because I can still remember every details that has happened.

2 years ago, I was in my boarding house, I got a high fever. 40°c and almost unconscious. I managed to call my boyfriend to get help. He picked me up right away and stayed with me until my fever has down to 38°. I asked him to go with me in a clinic @ Indang (nearest open clinic in our school) to have a check up and also to have a medical certificate. I was left alone with a nurse. My boyfriend's waiting at the door.

The nurse checked my heartbeat using stethoscope. Note: He put it inside my shirt. His hand was also inside my shirt.

At first, I didn't care at all. Because he's a nurse and he's doing his job. But then something uncomfortable happened. He looked behind him like, he's been checking if someone's there. Then he asked me to lay on a medical bed (idk the term). I layed and then he checked me again.

WARNING: Uncomfortable scene.

The nurse took my whole shirt up, still checking me with his stethoscope. I still think this is normal. Until he pushed my bra up. I was holding it down with my whole energy left. But he took it up with brute force. I can't do anything but to cover my chest with my arms. I wanted to scream for help, knowing my boyfriend's outside. But no words were coming out. He slipped his fingers between my arms to touch my nips. (omfg i'm crying and shaking rn). I managed to pull down my shirt but then the nurse started touching my skin and it's going down. He's forcing me to take my shorts off while his stethoscope is on my belly. I was holding my shorts so that he can't go any further. And the creepy part is that he talked to me. "Kinakabahan ka ba?" . I was so drained and i can't even talk. It felt like my fever went higher.

But I suddenly felt a strength (I know it was You Lord) , and I jumped off the bed. The nurse was startled and went back quickly to his office. He even told me to wait for my medical certificate. I ran outside and held my boyfriend, I was shaking. He asked me if I was okay and I nodded because I was afraid to talk about it. I was afraid. And ashamed. I felt so dumb.

It took me 2 and a half years to talk about this. I can't even remember the face of the nurse, his name, and I don't even know if he's really a nurse. I want to report him but it's too late.

I am now afraid of male doctors because of my traumatic exerience.

Moral of my story: Speak for yourself. Ask for help before it's too late. The only time you can be brave is when you are afraid.

[archanecdoche]

I never felt so contented before, like I could never imagine myself with a different guy. I don't deserve this kind of love, but i'll embrace this blessing whole-heartedly.

God already knew it before I ask for it.