@archivewhat - Tumblr Blog

heavensghost

Words by Chen Chen

droawsy

"For a moment I was flying"

enki2

frogndtoad

that night, frog and toad were both happy

hellyeahscarleteen

"When people have or show any kind of sexual response, it gives sexual partners big cues about what feels good to that person. When we’re responding in a way that’s for real, that’s great, because paired with verbal communication about what feels good, it helps our partners learn what we like. Only responding in ways that are real is a big part of the difference between a good sex life and a crappy one.

When people fake orgasm or other sexual responses, it still gives partners those cues. It just gives them wrong cues. It tells partners you respond to something in a way that you don’t, like something to a degree that’s not real, and if they don’t know you’re faking, and you also don’t talk about what’s really going on, they’re going to tend to keep doing whatever brought about those responses because they, since you have effectively told them so or shown them so, think those are the right things to be doing to please you.

In order for your sex life to get better, and in order for you two to actually really get and be intimate sexually, he needs to know that the information you have been giving him has been wrong information. He needs for you to start giving him accurate information about what goes on with you sexually."

Heather Corinna, A Faking Farewell

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway

We're absolutely not keeping these in the tags @strollsroyce, this has been once of the hardest and most relieving/validating parts of unlearning the defensive posturing of trauma. Learning that my negative and positive reactions need to align with my desired outcomes in order to communicate and negotiate space for myself safely and effectively in relationships