Almost ten years without a new game..

Oh, hi there. Didn't really expect anyone ta come.. Anyways, the name's Conker. Conker the Squirrel.. It isn't much times like this that I get visitors 'round the palace. Anyways, make yourself at home, I guess. Just let yourself go, and consider what oddities you're in for when you're around me. Heh heh. (Independent Conker RP/ask blog, don't be shy now!)

[insidehishead]

[aredsquirrelslament]

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO MEEEEEEE"

[aredsquirrelslament]

bellexrongeur:

💕 “…How are you even alive?”

Even by her standards that was a little much. And he was so small! He must of hit the floor after the first swallow no doubt.

“T’ch. Sounds like someone is still carrying the ‘party’ with him. Maybe you should take it easy for a minute.”

“Lady, I don’t play the easy game.”

“I play the ‘nothing in my life matters anymore so live life or die boring’. You know, like rock stars who die at twenty seven.” 

The squirrel put his index finger on his lower lip. “Can’t exactly think of an example.. but trust me, there is a good reason why I go over the top.”

[aredsquirrelslament]

bellexrongeur:

💕 There was a hard roll of her eyes as she crosses her arms.

“My planet’s ‘new year’ celebration isn’t for another month. So; I didn’t truly partake in any human celebrations.  …Though I might of had a few drinks. It was okay.”

“I’m not the type to brag about my own celebration, but..” The squirrel wheezily chuckled under his breath, looking back on the festivities he had partaken a day earlier.

“You ever had a hard jar of whiskey, wine, mixed with a couple of cocktails, and then set it on fire? F#$&ing felt like a punch in the face.”

He then bore a pleased grin, “and it felt great. Completely worth the raging headach-ooooah..”

[bellexrongeur-deactivated201607]

( @aredsquirrelslament )

💕 “Mind I ask where your EYES are at right now, ‘pal’???”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“I thought that would be obvious by now, miss.. right, what was your name?” 

Conker brought his hands out of his pockets, shrugging and tapping a foot. “Been a while since we interacted.. I ‘spose.”

“Seems like you had a nice New Years, eh?”

[aredsquirrelslament]

*burp* Hey baby, Cconker, baby, Conker. You hear my old games got put on dream, Conker? *hickup* YEP! The kids are finally dreamin' of myyyy games, Conker. *burp* Conker, how do you play games on a dream? Conker... I *hick* I think you's pretty hot, COnker. Make me purr, Conker. It's the only way, COnker! *burrrp* Cconkkerr I... I think I... I'm gonna hurl, Conker. *huuck!*

“Right..”

“Even I think yew ‘ad too much t’night. Would ya like’ta spend the night in the castle? Hopefully I can spare a room.. if not, I’ll let ya sleep in my bed.”

“Actually, just sleep with me in my bed.”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Close, I’m actually a red squirrel, and uh.. my name is..” His eyes couldn’t resist the jugulars that this woman had to offer.

“.. Chest- Iiii I mean Conker! Conker..” What a gal. Hopefully her slap isn’t hard as her attitude.

“Yup.. wait, Mars? You’re an alien?’

[bellexrongeur-deactivated201607]

“Yup. You’re looking at a real life martian. Please no pictures, princess.”

Luckily for him, she didn’t notice his  staring as of yet. “And I’m kinda stuck here. So, mind giving a girl a hand?”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Lady, you came to the right place fer help.” Conker started in his cockney accent. “But mind not calling me princess?”

The squirrel kept staring at her barely shown nipples as it swayed around a bit. Ooooh, did he feel something come up. He coughed in his hand and attempted to focus on her face.

“So.. Caramel, was it? How exactly did you end up here in this area?” Yes, an area surrounded by trees and bark, a nature walk during the sunset that took an unexpected turn.

Boy, can the setting get any less original?

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Princess? Hey lady, I could say the same to you too.”

“You and your.. erm- mentionables..” He coughed in his hand, not wanting to further damage his reputation. 

“Right, who are you, m’lady?”

[bellexrongeur-deactivated201607]

“Name’s Cameilla, just blew in on this taco stand from Mars.”

she says as she turns and looks at him. “And what are you? A chipmunk?”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Close, I’m actually a red squirrel, and uh.. my name is..” His eyes couldn’t resist the jugulars that this woman had to offer.

“.. Chest- Iiii I mean Conker! Conker..” What a gal. Hopefully her slap isn’t hard as her attitude.

“Yup.. wait, Mars? You’re an alien?’

[bellexrongeur-deactivated201607]

| aredsquirrelslament |

“My advice, princess? Don’t go with the whole ‘bare it all’ look unless you’ve actually got something to show off.”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Princess? Hey lady, I could say the same to you too.”

“You and your.. erm- mentionables..” He coughed in his hand, not wanting to further damage his reputation. 

“Right, who are you, m’lady?”

[sulkysadbobcat-deactivated20180]

So Bubsy, are there any video game stars you actually like? Have any of them ever been nice to you?

Boy, this one was a doozy!

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Darn it mate, not in public.”

[dkvine]

Screenshot Saturday: From Conker’s Big Reunion, now available in Project Spark (available on Xbox One and Windows 8.1) as part of the “Conker: Hail to the Remix” content pack.  Also included is a variety of Conker assets to make and remix your own games, and a Conker Champion to be used in the other adventures offered in Project Spark. Since this is a fresh release, we kept the screenshot for this week spoiler-free.

[thegamefreaks]

Conker the Squirrel returns in his Big Reunion

Microsoft today released a trailer for the company’s re-introduction of Rare’s cheeky squirrel, Conker, who is due to appear on April 23.

View the trailer.

[junglexhijinx-blog]

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that, definitely!” He could already imagine his little buddy’s overjoyed face upon seeing Conker again. Diddy just couldn’t stop talking about those critters from Timber’s Island! Of course, DK would have to make sure Conker didn’t look like this in the next reunion. Not that Reunion™ .

Speaking of whom, he didn’t even realize the poor furball had fallen over himself, right smack into Funky’s.

“Oh sweet, we’re here!” Conker running into the door was enough of a knock to get the old surfer’s attention, who promptly walked outside to greet his two visitors.

“Whoaaa! Was that bad karma, or did someone need t’see ole’ Funky?” An ape emerged from the hut, sporting a gaudy pair of sunglasses – straight from a decade ago. He glanced down and noticed the ole’ squirrel on the ground.

[aredsquirrelslament]

Well this was embarrassing. Being caught with his pants shirt off by someone he first met. Hopefully this kong’s not above into the cosmos to lend him a hand. He stood up and tried to ask for help. A barely sober squirrel with a scarf around his neck flapping around, along with something else.

“A-allo.. w’dya mind givin’ me onna yer finest barrels? Hopefully a non-alcoholic barrel, hehe-oooough..” Conker pushed his palms against his forehead to lessen the headache.

“My friend over there, D.. dooon.. d-Lanky Kong, will pay fer it, if it costs anything.” 

Way to throw your escort under the rug, Conker.

[junglexhijinx-blog]

“Guess that means I’ll take your word for it.”

Too bad DK’s mighty gullible! But hey, who’s to say Conker wouldn’t at least try? He should probably consider enrolling him in the local Stay Sober Society if things get out of hand – in the worst case scenario.

“Ooooh, he’s been doing good! I think Didds is sorta shaken from the previous Viking incident that happened sometime ago, so he kinda wants to keep things lax for now.”

“He’s gettin’ older too, so that youthly energy’s beginning to escape him!”

[aredsquirrelslament]

Diddy, feeling that exhausted? The last time Conker saw the lad, he could power an entire city with his optimism!

“Hrmm..” Conker looked up at DK with a tremendous amount of guilt. What was he doing? Why is he still drinking? Why is he stark naked in a jungle?

“Dah-Diddy’s approachin’ sixteen soon, right? Hooo boy..” Sixteen, the age where there’s no return to childhood, instead the start of pushing into early young-adulthood. “Maybe I’ll give him a visit.. on another day.” he sighed. 

Suddenly, the sentimental moment was ruined when his chubby face slammed into a wooden door, promptly falling backwards from a hut. A hut named Funky’s Flights.

“Now who put that door there..”

[junglexhijinx-blog]

“Sure, I won’t tell em’.”

“But I can’t be covering for you all the time now!” It sort of felt weird to be saying this, considering that he was the one who often got himself into trouble anyway. It’s true that Diddy went out of his way to steer Conker away from the bottle, so hearing of such an incident would break the little chimp’s heart. DK’s pretty sure his furry colleague didn’t mean for this to all happen

Call it another case of the bad fur day, as the saying goes.

“Shouldn’t be too far! He lives just on the beach side, which is right outside this forest. Funky’s pretty cool, if not a little, err… eccentric.”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Heh, covering.” Conker snickered at DK’s unintended pun. Fridays were a day of excitement and endless possibilities of where the poor squirrel would end up. “I couldn’t resist.”

“Pr-pramise ya, Donkey. It ain’t gunna ‘appen again. Now let’s just go over to Funny’s, and get me the ‘eck outta here.”

You think Conker would ask Diddy’s bestest buddy in the world, probably more close than Conker himself, how Diddy’s been up to these days-

“So, how’s the ol’ chimp been? Doing relatively okay ever since I cut m’head open, I presume..”

Never mind.

[timidhero]

open rp

hello i’m luigi who you

[aredsquirrelslament]

I’M CONKA

WEH

[junglexhijinx-blog]

“Yep! Donkey Kong, actually.” For a guy so seemingly smashed from last night, at least he almost got his name right. In any case, it was clarified that this squirrel so happened to be Diddy’s friend. DK’s aware, but for a second didn’t recognize Conker due to… being in his birthday suit.

“We’ve met before, but I think it was when you were considerably more, err, sober.”

“S’ okay though!” Unlike his feisty little buddy, DK was rather lax and didn’t mind bearing with Conker’s antics for now. Ironically enough, his little buddy knew all about dealing with the squirrel’s drunken episodes. “Diddy’s been doing fine, in case you’re wondering. He’s just hoping you’re farin’ well!”

It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell Didds about the current state of affairs, of course.

[aredsquirrelslament]

“Fairin’ welll..” His old friend has high hopes that he was doing a good job at keeping his head high and alcohol away from his tongue.. and he woke up on an island, completely wasted and confused. 

“Agh no, Diddy!”

He mucked up, hard.

Conker held his head in shame. “Nooo- I was supposed to ease up on the liquor.. what would the poor chap think if he found out I’d.. gnnnh..”

Somewhere in that hungover mind, he was able to summon up a coherent thought to the gorilla while the two of them continued on. 

“Hrrrgh, alright Dee.. d-Deejay,” he mispronounced the gorilla’s name. “After I’m gone, yaa- you ain’t telling anything of this to Diddy. I’m fairly shurtain he’s got a lotta emotional baggage towards me already. ”

“Mmm.. how far is yer mate’s place?”

[junglexhijinx-blog]

“So this is the new aesthetic nowadays?”

He never considered wearing a censor bar of all things across his chest; DK was pretty much without clothes on a daily basis, save for that signature red tie of his. The Kong slapped it around his neck and decided to make due for now. This was Diddy’s old friend, right? He’d make sure to get him out of trouble no matter what then!

“Ooooh, like a Barrel Cannon? We sure have those! Just follow me and we’ll go visit a friend of mine; he’s got all sorts of barrel transportation for us to use.” He nodded with a fit of confidence. “It’ll be free for us, too!”

[aredsquirrelslament]

“A friend? Oooh-!” The squirrel felt a ringing sensation in his head. Anything to get back and get some much-needed rest was fine by him, even if his loins were in view.

“Right, right. Friend.. ehh..”

He started to stumble near Donkey Kong, staying close by him. The scarf that he had on felt mighty soft and warm. Hope the big fella doesn’t feel cold from the big ol’ bar. 

“Speaking of, yer ah.. yer Diddy’s friend, right? Monkey Kong, er somethin’..”