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these months have been bad for my mental health and i couldn’t get myself to post, but i wanna say that in this blog we stand with Black people and the Black Lives Matter movement.

#this is cael talking #personal

veiligplekje

#reblog #so pretty

why do i laugh in the middle of a fight, why do i smile to a person i loved once but didn’t want to meet again, why do i cry when im happy. i hate my emotions there are so many i can’t control them i can’t

#im so angry #why do people feel entitled to talk about your body #an all your efforts to get better #and*#i don't get jokes i can't get a sarcastic comment as something i should be laughing at #i hate it here #me.txt #vent #tw vent

loamylovely

*+:｡.｡ 🐸☂️🌲 ｡.｡:+*

#cottagecore #gif #gifset #reblog

#i love it there #wish i could go back #cottagecore #grandpacore #grandmacore #photo #edit #summer

veiligplekje

#reblog #cottagecore #reference

i don’t know why i’m so hyped one second, dancing, laughing and enjoying my limbs and then i can’t even focus my sight because everything feels like it’s too much.

#and i have to be silent for a long time #i can't talk i can't move #but i do know i'm not moving and i'm not talking #but i can't get out of it #and it feels comfortable #!!#i know it isn't fatigue i know that feeling very well #this is cael talking #text #vent #tw vent #i guess

teawithhoney-deactivated2020072

#reblog #inspo #fungi

cw: death // tw: sui ideation

I’ve said I want to love death. There’s this idiom in Spanish that’s similar to “at death’s door”, but we aren’t quite at their door: we say it as “to go towards death’s arms” (kinda friendlier?), but wait, there’s another way to say it where instead of arms those are claws.

so you go to death’s claws. Nice, right?

I sometimes imagine death doesn’t have claws, I think they have little soft baby hands. Too tiny to actually be of any harm. We may held them, and they are just showing us the way

I sometimes wish to be guided. When I’m here everything’s fine. But I can’t do anything to fight the anger when it settles. It’s been awful the times it has settled. Awful because I actually wanted it to succeed.

i can stay awake, i want to stay awake

i wish i can remember that

#tw death #death #tw sui ideation #sui ideation #this is cael talking #im kinda sad i shouldn't listen to this song that particularly triggers me

i just wish for the moment this ends so i can give all the cuddles and hugs i didn’t give before to my friends and loved ones

#this is cael talking #im not a hug person though but this has made me realise how much i miss being held in someone's arms

CW: Death.

the saddest days were in mid december. You were gone, "she's resting" and "she is in a better place" was all I heard in the wake. The things we heard the next month, and every time we talk about you.

I feel I talk a lot about you.

these pictures were taken those days. Have you ever felt kind of mad when the world gives you such beautiful imagery when you are grieving? I was just angry. Now I’m not, but I still feel guilty.

I wanna accept and love death. I’ve been close to it. But it’s so hard when you feel it’s unfair. Do I feel it’s unfair for selfish reasons? probably, because I wanted to apologize. But also no, it is unfair because cancer’s a bitch.

I just want to hug you and thank you for everything. Our last conversation is engraved in my heart.

#vent #tw vent #death #death tw #grief #this is cael talking