she really went from a scorned bride and poet to a soldier trying to save a relationship and perhaps herself; her traditionally feminine gown was covered up with a soldier’s uniform. except this entire ordeal kills her. she’s stripped in front of the world and brought back to life only to perform. so she dons a man’s illusionist’s suit over that fuckass push-up bra (perhaps the most revealing thing she’s ever worn onstage - and obviously a decidedly feminine look). she survives. no one can come for her job. she’s resentful and powerful. she’s miserable, but she’s alive.
Her management and grueling schedule kill her. She is literally enacting a depressive episode where you can barely move or think and she is being shoved back into performing when she barely can function. The possible resurgence of her anorexia this year, the possibility that the treatment she got for her mental health before Lover has not been maintained, the overall grueling schedule, the possibility that she could have chronic mental health problems we don't know about which flare up under stress and lack of sleep... Idk why we make her mental suffering all about breakups. It's been clear in her eyes and demeanor and her music that she hasn't been well for the last couple years
