Any queer that stumbles upon this, I seek your assistance:
I’ve been in questioning for a while now.
I identified as a lesbian from 6th grade to 7th grade. Then I came out as bisexual in 8th grade and I’ve been out as such since.
But as I reflect on my years as being a non-closeted bisexual, I notice that my attraction for women is a LOT more common and deeper than it would be for a guy. I mean it is a 1 in 2000 chance (i hate probability, i don’t know, the chance is slim) that I’d like a guy without having to hype myself up for it.
Like, I’ve dated guys before, but I’ve never been as comfortable with them as I would be if I was with my current girlfriend. I can’t see myself getting too intimate with a guy, or in general for that matter but that’s because I’m aceflux, but guys especially.
So I try and sit with the fact that I have been a lesbian all along. But then I see attractive guys, fictional or guys I see in real life. For example:
I knew this boy in 8th grade, when I first freshly came out as bisexual. He was an exchange student, very pretty, super intelligent and sweet. I had a huge crush on him and it showed through how my body reacted around him. But for some reason, he was the only case for this sort of thing. Any other guy I’ve dated, it didn’t illicit a huge, bodily reaction from me. It only gave me small butterflies.
But with girls, I get this big reaction almost all the time. My fave gets hot, I get nervous and it’s a mess of words whenever I try and speak. Boys though?
Can’t envision it anymore.
Am I bisexual with a heavy, HEAVY, female preference? Or a lesbian?
I am having a dilemma on if I’m bisexual or a lesbian because my body and mind reacts differently around girls than guys more often than not.
