robert pattinson tried to warn us that edward cullen was an insufferable asshole but we didn’t believe him
robert sweetie im so sorry, we should have trusted you
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robert pattinson tried to warn us that edward cullen was an insufferable asshole but we didn’t believe him
robert sweetie im so sorry, we should have trusted you
too many people forgetting blue is a glorious and fearless animal. too many people forgetting blue sargent main character of all time. what if your girl shredded and crocheted her own wardrobe and covered her room in various crafts and wanted to study ecology and needed multiple pins to keep her hair back and worked 1 million odd jobs including teaching penmanship to third graders and agreed to ride in a helicopter with strangers on a first date and kissed a ghost bc she realized she could and slipped her hand into her friends’ hands whenever she felt like it and joined their quest with the same wonder and loyalty as if it were her own and LITERALLY breathed life and energy into the people around her. you would never shut up about her probably
Liquor? Um yeah bud if she’ll let me
Gideon the Ninth ass post.
Hey so I know we All Know This but I will NEVER be over a character being feverish and delirious and making No sense. I will never be over a glittery-eyed, shivering, distressed character weakly gripping another's arm and asking them questions they don't know the answer to, and probably don't mean anything at all. I will never be over characters calling out for people either long gone or right next to them, but unrecognizable in their delirium. I will never be over a character crying in frustration and fear over something in their head they can't explain to whoever is helping them, and all they can do in return is stroke their hair and shush them gently.
They did this to my beautiful wife harrowhark nonagesimus for 500+ pages </3
Gideon from Gideon the Ninth was the strongest soldier for her particular fight because only a jock would have the mental fortitude to remain bitchy against the twin forces of Religious Aesthetic and Goth Society
"This shit is stupid," thank you, Gideon, for never going alt
thanks tasmuir im going insane
The knight is doing her best to fend off the bandit ambush, so if the princess could please stop flashing her tits because it's "funny to distract her", that would be greatly appreciated
Big Brained @procrastinationaccount
the love triangle in TLT is so funny because it's not even a true love triangle. it's like a shape that hasn't even been invented yet. first you've got Ianthe, who thinks Harrow is totally into her but isn't. and Harrow is into Gideon but also this really sexy corpse. the sexy corpse was maybe probably in a relationship with Gideon's dad who's also the leader of the solar system. he hooks up with his officers sometimes and has hooked up with his best friends over the last 10,000 years because they were bored. Ianthe also has this weirdly borderline incestuous relationship with Coronabeth but Coronabeth is in love with Judith who had a crush on her now-dead cavalier. the only ones who've got a semi-normal relationship are Camilla and Palamedes and even then they had a weird poly thing with Dulcinea even though they never met her in person. and they have another weird poly thing with Pyrrha but by that point they're sharing a body. then they decide to do a mutual suicide/soul binding ritual and become a whole new person in Camilla's body. also they're second cousins. oh Pyrrha also had a weird poly thing with her necro and Gideon's biomom/the leader of the rebellion who's fighting against Gideon's biodad. I don't even have time to unpack all that and that doesn't even cover half of the shit happening here. there's also the whole Cytherea thing
harrowhark “my whole existence is the result of 200 dead children, i am the product of sacrifice and have to live with the guilt of that everyday. i am in love with a corpse and i puppet my dead parents around so i am not alone. i cannot take another loss” nonagesimus
gideon “i gave my life for you and you didnt even want it, even worse you refuse to accept it, wasting my sacrifice. you lobotomized yourself to forget everything i did for you—you refuse to embrace the life i have provided you over and over again, and now im stuck as a reanimated corpse” nav
and
coronabeth “i am sick with heartbreak and jealousy that you didnt murder and consume me, your other half, refusing to let me join you on your journey forwards, instead giving that honor to some dick they assigned us. I am dejected and maimed” tridentarius
ianthe “you are the last person i would kill—i would kill myself first without hesitation rather than lay a finger on you. i cannot live without you and i could not live myself if i was the one who removed you from this world” tridentarius
we don’t talk about as yet unsent enough. judith accuses coronabeth of trying to seduce camilla. coronabeth accuses her of the same. judith does a whole monologue where she confesses to being in love with marta while camilla says “okay”. and then coronabeth unsubtly implies to judith that she’s been in love with her since they were children. where else can you get this kind of content
Thinking about how Palamedes tells Pash that they "are conversant with the concept of family in the Houses" in Nona....because, like, are they? Are they really?
Palamedes calls his own mother by her full name or job title more than he calls her 'mother'. Their relationship is COLLEGIAL at best. The Sixth raise their children in some kind of communal academic system, from what we can see in canon. Meanwhile, on the Second, it's all about that sweet sweet military command structure. On the Seventh, your parents literally try to pass super cancer onto you, and probably die of it themselves before you reach puberty. The Eighth is a monastic order where EVERYONE calls each other 'brother' or 'sister', regardless of family relationship. From everything we hear, the Tridentarius' parents are fucked-up in some way. The Ninth is....the Ninth, and on the Fourth, parents just tend to be dead.
So, like, are they really 'conversant with the idea of family'? Everything about the system John has set up discourages real family relationships. There is no socially acceptable way to share a family name with your spouse, parent, or sibling - the arithmonyms encourage you to identify with your HOUSE, not your family, and every time characters share an arithmonym, that is considered 'weird' (see the Tridentarii). John's system demands allegiance to the EMPIRE, not any individual family units.
This dissolution of family has the side effect of also dissolving (unjust) gendered roles, but it is also VERY effective at creating the existential, deep loneliness that so many of these characters experience and that John's system then uses to fuel their loyalty to him as God. It's this dissolution of family that creates the codependent structures you see in so many cav-necro relationships (Cam and Pal above all else), because WHERE ELSE but in this (fundamentally militaristic) relationship that was originally intended to serve the Empire could you find the closeness family often provides.
And, like, every time characters prioritise their chosen or blood family over the values of the Empire, it's transgressive. Any relationship that emphasises the individual - as a spouse, friend, lover, sibling, child, parent - over the 'imperial role' of cav, necro, soldier, or servant, is transgressive in the world of TLT. Magnus and Abigail are transgressive for that. Gideon and Harrow are. Even the Tridentarii have something going on that seems to go against imperial power structures, even if it's a different kind of fucked-up. Cam and Pal are such a complex case because they DO earnestly love each other outside of their role as necro and cav, but are so fundamentally alienated from healthy relationship dynamics because of their absurd upbringing that they immediately become *like that*, to the point of doing ye olde soul-merger. Still - they fundamentally hold allegiance to each other as family of some sort, whether romantic or platonic.
Which, I think, is why it's so perfect and messed-up and appropriate that Juno Zeta, Palamedes' literal mother, spends the last few minutes of her son's earthly existence as an individual quizzing We Suffer about her family structure. Rather than. Y'know. Talking to her son. Who is about to eradicate himself as an individual within the one relationship that ever transgressed that enforced, non-familial distance.
Camilla, meanwhile, does not let her fathers watch her death/ascension at all.
the bit of chapters like 75% of the way through htn are hysterical for a lot of reasons but im personally a big fan of how. Gideons going on and on about how Harrow doesn't even like her and never will and didn't even want to eat her etc etc and then we cut back to Harrow and she's in like. ghost group therapy grief counseling. post grief lobotomy. grieving so hard she's writing au fanfic
there's something very interesting about john putting alecto into a body explicitly inspired by a white, blonde barbie and she thinks it's hideous. and then in the process of waking up she gets zonked into harrow's darker skinned, three-apples-tall, stick-thin body and experiences more love and care in six months than she ever received as alecto and thinks that she's gorgeous.
I think one of Gideon's funniest moments is when she learns that Pal and Dulcie have a Thing and she's so distraught about it because she feels like a complete homewrecker. Like she just made one of her first ever friends, this weird little man whom she diagnosed as Bitchless upon first sight, and then she learns he actually does have A Single Bitch but it's the woman she's been flirting with nonstop since she got there. So naturally her reaction is to start mourning for him because literally, how was her new bestie The Most Bitchless Man Alive ever supposed to compete with her
Harrow and Palamedes entirely one sided bitter rivalry is actually one of my favourite parts of this book. She goes the entire time stressing about not falling behind him or showing a hint of weakness that he can pounce on because he’s her most concerning competition. She’s terrified of slipping up around him because obviously he’s judging her entire house as inferior and beneath him and she can’t even contend with him, she’s so far behind and he must be gloating so hard.
Then for a decent portion of the book every time someone dies she thinks he killed them.
Every time he talks to her she’s so paranoid about him trying to manipulate her into giving something away or otherwise screw her over, she never accepts that he’d want to work together for anything other than sinister reasons.
Meanwhile Palamedes is casually telling anyone who will listen that he thinks she’s an incredibly cool genius who is objectively terrifying because she’s so amazing at everything she does but also he’d trust her with her life because she’s honourable like that.
And he’d really like to be her friend but it’s no problem if she doesn’t want to call it that and would prefer to hiss at him from the corner like an angry cat. They’ll get past this stage eventually and then he can be nerd friends with the cool and definitely traumatised autistic girl.
Hello! I loved Gideon the Ninth so much!! and would like to draw fan art, would you mind sharing any helpful summaries of what each character looks like? or must us fans hunt through the book for every offhand line of description? (not that I'm not planning on rereading it anyway)
I have let myself drift back onto Tumblr after two weeks, am deeply affrighted and excited at the idea that anyone has drawn my kids (I had an AMA on Reddit and as said there, my editor every so often hollered into my inbox about amazing shit people were doing, but I was too busy complaining back to him that my face had gone numb and that I no longer slept, but instead the darkness of the grave claimed me for four to five hours each night). Thank you so much to anyone who has already done this. Many people on my team have yelled and yelled.
Back early on in the piece I made a document for him about what characters looked like in terms of basic ideas/outlines for copyediting, covers and sense purposes, and I’ve dug out that document and slapped it up here for general delectation. As a note: I imagine specific things when it comes to my characters (I am a Kiwi: I write Kiwis In Space as a default) but as I have nothing but joy in my heart for how anyone would want to draw these characters, feel free to glance over this, then toss it out the window. It would bring tears of beauty to my eyes if anyone was like “Yes, but when I was reading I imagined Naberius Tern as a huge monitor lizard,” because absolutely yes, Naberius Tern was just a huge monitor lizard, godspeed.
I had only described below the specific cavalier-necromancer pairs, so that’s what you’ll find below, sorry if anyone wanted Teacher.
Keep reading
Hello! I loved Gideon the Ninth so much!! and would like to draw fan art, would you mind sharing any helpful summaries of what each character looks like? or must us fans hunt through the book for every offhand line of description? (not that I'm not planning on rereading it anyway)
I have let myself drift back onto Tumblr after two weeks, am deeply affrighted and excited at the idea that anyone has drawn my kids (I had an AMA on Reddit and as said there, my editor every so often hollered into my inbox about amazing shit people were doing, but I was too busy complaining back to him that my face had gone numb and that I no longer slept, but instead the darkness of the grave claimed me for four to five hours each night). Thank you so much to anyone who has already done this. Many people on my team have yelled and yelled.
Back early on in the piece I made a document for him about what characters looked like in terms of basic ideas/outlines for copyediting, covers and sense purposes, and I’ve dug out that document and slapped it up here for general delectation. As a note: I imagine specific things when it comes to my characters (I am a Kiwi: I write Kiwis In Space as a default) but as I have nothing but joy in my heart for how anyone would want to draw these characters, feel free to glance over this, then toss it out the window. It would bring tears of beauty to my eyes if anyone was like “Yes, but when I was reading I imagined Naberius Tern as a huge monitor lizard,” because absolutely yes, Naberius Tern was just a huge monitor lizard, godspeed.
I had only described below the specific cavalier-necromancer pairs, so that’s what you’ll find below, sorry if anyone wanted Teacher.
Keep reading