arkangel

stay weird, stay kind

[arkangelfrommarz]

ohhh i can feel the panic attack but it just wont come

this is limbo this is purgatory

would i prefer to stay here or enter the hellfire? i don’t know but i can’t breathe!♥️

[arkangelfrommarz]

swallow me

[arkangelfrommarz]

to the end of the line

[arkangelfrommarz]

and if i dropped an album about the fake alien suicide cult that i created last night?? what would you do??

[arkangelfrommarz]

why did i wake up obsessed with bucky barnes i haven’t even watched a full avengers movie am i a sleeper agent?? what is this

[arkangelfrommarz]

i watched captain america the winter soldier i feel so patriotic now

[arkangelfrommarz]

harry potter wasn’t even that good just marketable

[strangledplanet]

[arkangelfrommarz]

why did i wake up obsessed with bucky barnes i haven’t even watched a full avengers movie am i a sleeper agent?? what is this

[arkangelfrommarz]

comfort jacket ON! i understand gerard way you can pry this from my cold dead wet hands

[arkangelfrommarz]

my cat just rested on my chest and i could feel her purring. life is worth living

[arkangelfrommarz]

is your brain algorithm rotted? do you keep skipping songs after the first 30 seconds? find a radio station!! one with music you can generally bear to listen to. you can’t skip, you occasionally have a break from the music to listen to the news or people talking- it feels way more connected to other people than flipping through playlists until you find something good. video killed the radio star but i think we can bring it back

[arkangelfrommarz]

the thing is, a lot of art focused around religious trauma stems from the mischaracterisation of God and Jesus, the twisting of the Bible and certain old verses in order to justify hate.

i am frightened more by the very nature of God and the death of Jesus. dear god. this is it. one being decides everything. it doesn’t start and end when you leave the church. God is everywhere, every single thing you do is being weighed. there is no defying, there is no other option. this is it. and Jesus, don’t get me started on Jesus. God, part of the trinity, brought down into a human body. nobody talks about whether it was horrifying. imagine looking at yourself and seeing a body after being an omnipresent, heavenly being for all of time. imagine learning to become human and then being brutally, brutally killed by your children. your siblings. truly, forsaken by God. your father. dear god. imagine knowing Judas will betray you, imagine knowing this was all part of the plan. Imagine knowing. What could He have done? Thy will be done. imagine going back to omnipresent being, forever changed. forever humanised. you can’t get rid of it, this fusion of creator and subject. this melting together. it’s so huge. it is larger than anything ever. Larger than myself and i must find my place, because this is it. even if i decided i didn’t believe it, there would be no way of knowing. nobody KNOWS what happens after death. but that inkling, once planted, can never, ever be removed. The only way to not be consumed by this is to be rejected entirely by it. To burn. Forever. forever! do you know how long eternity is? this is so much larger than anything, anything ever. I am terrified.

[arkangelfrommarz]

i have two assignments due tonight

one is a draft that i honestly haven’t started

one is a final that i honestly started at 8pm

they’re due at midnight

it is fast approaching 10pm

i don’t have enough will to go into full panic mode and complete them both

i still care too much to put away my computer and go to bed

i have just enough stress in me to stare at the computer on the verge of a panic attack and will the words to appear in front of me

i have to be up at 5 tomorrow

this too shall pass

this too shall pass

[arkangelfrommarz]

g.

[arkangelfrommarz]

that ending. good lord. this was all for you

[arkangelfrommarz]

by jove she’s done it again.

[arkangelfrommarz]

remembered i can block people. I AM FREE