nobody

[perhapsarat]

you ever wish you could go back in time and relax in a medieval village with your friends before going home and dying of the plague in the afternoon 

[spooderham]

The plague took two weeks to die of

[perhapsarat]

and I could make a simple joke on my stone tablet without some punk giving me a history lesson

[1000drawings]

[avocadz]

[daily-garfield]

Is Garfield's mother still alive?

the virgin mary died in 41 AD

[sandalqhon-deactivated20221117]

teacher: hey, you should take this part of your essay out, it’s not related to the topic

me:

[redkatherinee-deactivated201808]

[doktorgirlfriend]

Brain: You’re a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.

Me: I don’t know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.

[memeufacturing-deactivated20161]

me as a pilot

me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad

[1041uuu]

[kin-bot]

anyone else a soft bitch tonight

[highlandvalley]

https://twitter.com/tatuya01/status/950380312340541446/photo/1

[beyoncebeytwice]

[tankaramo]

me, making a phone call: god i hope they don’t answer

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others – The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad.

Jonathan Safran Foer (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[krobelus]

[d3ssins]

girl scout: hi how are yo-

me: thin mints

[theweirdwideweb]