Aro/Ace Confessions

[aroaceconfessions]

As a child, hearing that no matter what I say or want, I will end up in love and married was so alienating. I forced myself to have crushes on girls, and it wasn't until I was talking with my friend that I realized that I was arospec. It was so nice to finally understand myself.

I had literally dated someone because they were interested in me, then when they broke up with me, I told everyone I didn't understand why I was crying because I didn't feel sad. Not long after, I realized I was more in love with the idea that somebody could love me and that I was not in love with the person I dated.

There's no real purpose to this submission, just shouting into the void

Submitted July 11, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

i’ve identified as aroace for years but now i think i might have a crush on someone. i don’t really know what to do because i don’t have a frame of reference for what a crush is supposed to feel like and the only advice i’ve been getting from alloromantic people is “you just know” but i DON’T know :(

Submitted July 11, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

i used to be so proud of my aroaceness, and i was so confident in it, but intrusive thoughts made me doubt myself and i tried getting in a relationship. it didnt end well. its almost a year later and he's still not over it and i feel horrible. i feel like i've regressed in my self acceptance. i wish i wasnt aroace. it would be so much easier.

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

I feel zero attraction both sexual and romantic and it feels like I'm on a distant planet when my family or friends talk about their relationships because I just don't relate to it at all

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

I want a relationship. I’ve come to accept that I’m AroAce but I want a romantic relationship. But actually being in one makes me feel bad because I don’t feel any of those romantic feeling. I keep think that I’m leading them on, that I’m be manipulative. I know I’m not but I can’t help but feel like I am.

I want to be in a queer platonic relationship but I don’t know how to ask someone to be in a relationship with me.

I hate feeing like this :(

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

My current partner is pretty ace and I am extremely aromantic– we're kinda the opposite i guess. We started off deciding to try out a QP relationship, seeing as we both 'liked' each other, just in different ways. Problem is, we never really talked expectations with each other. I know its kind of my fault for not communicating, but recently I think we're pushing into each other's discomfort zones and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever we talk. She keeps trying to set up 'hang outs' that are dangerously close to being dates (movies, dinner, concerts) and I'm having issues remembering to keep my hands to myself, so we're both getting frustrated.

I feel like shit because I've been ghosting her a little bit, but I honestly don't want to try and talk things out and resolve to try harder because I know damn well how fucked up it would be if I push her too far, even by accident. I just want to cut it off before it gets bad, but she's very anxious and a people pleaser, so I'm struggling to find a way to let her know that this isn't working without making it sound like an insult or like I'm expecting things she has no obligation to give. Any suggestions?

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

cw a bit nsfw (includes talk of sex, arousal, and kink)

i really wish aroallos weren’t seen as wrong or dirty or not aspec just because we experience sexual attraction. there’s so many different ways to be aspec, and the queer community very much includes aroallos!

tbh i’ve seen a lot of people judge us or question our experience as aspecs and it bothers me. like yes, sexual attraction really is Like That and that’s okay. yes, sometimes we see someone and want to have sex with them but not date them, and it doesn’t mean we’re bad people. yes, we can get antsy or unfocused if we haven’t gotten off in a while, and it doesn’t mean we only think about sex or are inherently sexual. yes, some of us have “weird” kinks or want to get fucked by a werewolf or whatever, and there’s literally nothing wrong with that! sex without romance is not morally wrong, and sexual needs are real, just like romantic and platonic needs are. each person (whether aspec or not) has a different set of needs and wants and each one is valid.

aroallos do not exist for you to degrade and judge. aroallos talking about our experience in aspec spaces should not be met with criticism and rows of skull emojis. everyone is different and that’s ok 😭

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

Do other aro/ace spec people second guess their identity? Though I identified as a sex repulsed asexual, I find myself sometimes staring at sexual ads and what have you trying to force myself to feel as others do. It never works (surprise surprise) and I just end up exhausted and hurt from the effort.

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

My last girlfriend claimed she was ok with me being asexual and with the fact that my favorability to sex fluctuated. Until I felt super sex repulsed and she kept trying to make a move on me despite me telling her it made me uncomfortable.

To all allos out there: if your ace partner who was ok with sexual stuff suddenly isn't, wait until they tell you they're ok with it again before you start making moves. It makes us super uncomfortable and disgusted and makes us resent you when you don't. That's part of the reason I lost feelings for my ex. You are not entitled to sex no matter if you've have it before or how needy or horny you are. If they've told you they're feeling sex repulsed then back the fuck off unless they say otherwise.

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

the eternal question of if im on the aro/ace spectrum(s) or just a sheltered hermit who hasn't met anyone to be attracted to

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

Nsfw warning

Is there a term for being fine with the idea of sex and can get horny but the idea of actually having sex with someone repulses you? Like, I'm fine with the feeling horny and can have sexual fantasies but I don't think I'll ever be ok or comfortable with actually fucking someone 😬

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

ngl i hate the way some aces treat aroallos. not all aces of course, but some. degrading and criticizing us for wanting sex, telling us sexual attraction doesn’t exist, pushing us out of aspec spaces, etc. we need to stick together and support each other so please stop siding with aphobes. it harms all of us.

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm asexual and my gf is allosexual. I've told her that I don't want to do anything sexual with her and she's fine with it. but she says that I'm "giving mixed messages" because I make sexual jokes and innuendos, I draw hentai, and read smut. I've explained what asexual means and that plenty of asexuals don't mind or even like sex, but I'm just one of the ones that doesn't. I don't know how to explain any better. I feel like I'd have to avoid talking about anything sexual for her to not "get mixed messages".

I'm polyamorous, so I have a boyfriend too and he understands perfectly and finds my jokes funny while still understanding that I just don't want sex.

I know what works for one might not work for the other, but I don't know how to explain it so that my girlfriend will understand like how my boyfriend does.

idk if this made any sense tbh

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

Nobody ACTUALLY knows im aro (except like 2 people)

Like yeah i could say that i am but who will actually like that??? So, i stay silent while people assume i’ll date so and so as they ship me with people i think are GREAT friends.

Like then i’ll have a squish or an aesthetic attraction for like, a day. I think i have a crush maybe im faking it but whatever, its NOT.

I hate thinking about this i wish everybody knew but also nobody did

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

When I found out I was ace, I wanted to deny it. I feel a bit heart broken that I can never give that part of me to a person. It’s hard knowing while I can give a partner my all romantically, I could never give them that. Especially when it’s typical to give that part of yourself to the person you love. I could try all I wanted but I know deep down I’m not made to be sexual with anyone. I’m worried I won’t find anyone to love if I can’t give them myself in a sexual way.

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm aroace in some regard, because I have had crushes before but also I'm not sure they were crushes? Like, when I was in elementary school, I thought I had crushes on several boys but looking back, I just felt "hey that boy isn't yucky, I wanna be friends with him" and thought that meant I had a crush. And even now, I have trouble figuring out what warm fuzzy feelings are normal intimate friendships, admiration, etc. and what are actually romantic feelings.

My best guess as of now is that I'm ace without the aro, but that could also be because I'm a minor and find the idea of sex just- *blech*

Submitted July 10, 2023

[aroaceconfessions]

I have a sexuality crisis and need some help

I’m identifying myself as ace/aro of two years as well as wanting to date women but haven’t due to nervous. I haven’t thought about being with a guy romantically/sexually since. Three times now I look at a man (trans man/ headless body) on YouTube I get this reaction: my heart ponding, my cheeks getting warm but having no thoughts or feelings at all. Idk if it’s fear or excitement or either, Ik that how the body reacts doesn’t line up with your sexuality yet it’s still worries me. I’m worried that I’ve be in denial about my sexuality, this haven’t happened before, not with fictional/real life people.

Submitted July 10, 2023