Hi, my name is Darcy (She/her) but you can call me arospec-acespec, I'm the person behind this blog.
I am a MINOR !!!! please keep any proship/profic stuff out of reblogs and comments.
Asks are OK and encouraged! I'm happy to help anyone with aspec identities to the best of my ability
I don't really care if you talk about sexual topics but i'd prefer if discussion of sex be kept to asexual-related (among other aspec labels) conversation.
Below is my strawpage + DNI list
DNI:
proship/profic. i dont want anything to do with any of that.
radqueers. again, keep it away from me
kink and fetish blogs, as in blogs solely focused on kink(s) and fetish. If you post about it, i dont care (i dont check the blogs of who interacts with me) but this is a blog ran by an acespec minor and i dont want to see that
Teen aroace culture is coming out to your parents as aroace and then them constantly saying “well you might be aromantic/asexual or you might not be” over and over again. Every time you show disgust at romantic/sexual stuff and say your aroace. it’s clear that they are trying to be supportive, but every time they say it, it sounds like they are just waiting for time to go on and for you to realize it’s all a phase. And it’s clear that they very much don’t understand aroace ness (with how much they are infatuated with each other). And they are very much supportive of the queer community as a whole, every time they say dismissive words against you being aroace, a little part of you breaks.
my futile wish is for people to understand that "sex scenes in movies/TV don't have to serve the plot and can genuinely just be for pleasure" and "sex-repulsed people are allowed to complain about how rare it is for media made for adults like them to be something they can enjoy completely" are both true statements. unfortunately society hates both sex and people who don't like sex, so everyone gets far too defensive about any sex or lack thereof in fiction to actually have this conversation
You are not predatory. You're not using people. You're not lying. You are not a misogynistic Andrew Tate chad bro for liking sex while not feeling sexual attraction (or only feeling it a little/under certain circumstances). You are a good man no despite your sex favorability, but with it. It is a part of you that is morally neutral, just as sex is a morally neutral act.
I used to run an aroace positivity blog and called out a lot of the "Love Loses" stuff, which actually left me really traumatized and in denial of my aromanticism and made me hate my asexuality (I was literally 12 when I was questioning if I was aro and was constantly told "You want a boyfriend or girlfriend, right? You can't be aro", so I legit thought I couldn't be aro).
The blog is still up but I left it on an account I no longer use because of the sheer amount of harassment and cyberstalking I got for calling out "Love Loses". It's pushed me even further away from the a-spec community, even as someone who only experiences aesthetic attraction and frequently fluctuates between loveless and loving.
I did not have a lot of support at the time (aside from private friend groups) and it still scares me. I still, even 2 years after the fact, cannot go into a-spec tags because of it. I'm scared to even make a-spec flags for myself because of it.
But I really appreciate your post about Love Loses. It makes me feel way less alone.
Dear anon, I am so, so sorry that you experienced that. Unfortunately, you're far from the first I've heard deal with this kind of intracommunity harassment (myself included).
You're not alone, and you are valid. The people who said those things are wrong. You can be ANYTHING and still be aromantic and/or asexual. Actions and desires do not inherently equate to attraction, or attraction in the ways allo people experience them. It's a spectrum for a reason, and our shades of grey and fluctuating siblings are JUST as valid as anyone else.
Also, your fears and anxieties are valid. What you went through sounds deeply hurtful and troubling, and I can completely understand your reservations about connecting with the aspec community again.
I'm glad you were able to find some meaning and visibility in my post ♥︎
I hope you don't mind, but since you said you find it hard to make yourself flags, I went ahead and made two for you. You deserve to have flags, so if making them yourself is hard right now, let me act as a member of the aspec community who *doesn't* support harassment mobs and bestow these to you. Feel free to do whatever you want with them, including ignore them entirely. All of the pictures are just from pinterest so I have no claim to any of it, nore do I want you to feel any obligation towards me or the flags. Purely an offer of kindness and community, no strings attached.
Arophobia is relating to a friend's OC and suggesting that the OC be aro, only for the friend to respond with "What? Why? No" and "Well I can make them asexual" as if those two things are at all the same
this is arophobia
not wanting that specific oc to be aro due to things like it not fitting their story is fine but by what uve shown that definitely wasnt their reason
i love queerplatonic relationships where one of them is aroace and the other isn't. i love when the allo character has a crush that fades over time. i love when they don't care what they are to each other as long as they're together. i love when romance is an option that they don't choose. i love when both aros and allos feel fulfilled without romance or sex.
I appreciate each and every one of you. You bring value to the universe just by existing, and you deserve to have that seen and respected. You are a joy. Oh and to allolove people: I love you.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again, but this isn't the harmless quippy slogan you think it is.
I get it. It sucks to be surrounded by something you don't experience that everyone else puts a lot of importance on. You have a right to your feelings and your culture. But you do not have a right to belittle others.
The "Love Loses" slogan has a lot of things wrong with it, and I'm going to explain below.
It's Historically Dismissive and Disrespectful
Point blank, our predecessors fought and died for our right to queer love. People were murdered for being in love. They were murdered for flirting. They were murdered for existing and appearing queer. The AIDs crisis nearly wiped out an entire generation of queer people because we were the primary ones dying, and nobody cared. "Good riddance to the disgusting queers" was the sentiment. So nobody bothered to look for a cure. They said "might as well let them die, they deserve it", and we did. We died of a disease nobody had heard of before and nobody knew anything about, alone, in pain, scared, hoping our friends survived long enough to throw us a funeral because our biological families surely wouldn't.
Stonewall was a riot where we fought against the police trying to arrest us for existing. With the way police brutality is today, do you really think anyone would have cared if the cops murdered a few of us in the process? Beat us bloody and left us for dead in the street?
Love Wins was pivitol because queer love prevailed over decades — centuries, even — of violent bigotry. "Love Loses" sounds like you're spitting in the face of the memory of everyone who died for our right to love and marry without being murdered and forgotten, and siding instead with the bigots.
It's Homophobic
I don't care who you are, telling a queer person that their love shouldn't exist is homophobic. As previously stated, people fought and died for our right to love without being arrested or murdered.
Like it or not, romance matters to a lot of people. It doesn't have to matter to you, but if you want to be respected for not experiencing or wanting romance, you have to show the same respect to people who do experience and want romance. You're not better than anyone just because you dont want or experience romantic attraction.
Saying "love loses" when it's an important thing to many of us honestly just sounds like you're saying "I think you're stupid for wanting this and I hope you never get this thing that you personally feel strongly about having as part of a fulfilling life experience". It's rude, and given our history, it's homophobic. Just stop.
It's Ableist
Disabled people in love ARE losing. In the US, disabled people have virtually no marriage protections. If a disabled person gets married, they are very likely to lose their disability income. In many cases, a disabled person can't even live unmarried with a romantic partner without losing their disability income. They also can't work (if able), for risk of losing their income, yet disability does not pay enough to even cover half of basic monthly expenses.
Disability income is systematically designed to keep disabled people oppressed, and is built off the idea that they are a burden who nobody could love romantically. They are a curse their families are stuck taking care of, and the disability income is meant to help "ease" the "burden" of caring for them — disgusting.
Saying "love loses" as if it's a good thing completely dismisses and spits in the face of every disabled person who wants to get married or live with their romantic partner and can't, because it would mean losing vital income support.
It's Othering to Partnering Aspecs and Alloromantic/romance favorable people
I don't know how to break it to you, but you are not the only experience in our community. There are romance favorable aros. There are alloromantic aces. There are shades of grey in both aces and aros who are not strictly 0% attraction. We are all still part of the aspec community, and we are just as valid a part of it as anyone who is strictly zero attraction ever.
Saying "love loses" and acting like it's a universal aspec experience tells the rest of us that we don't count. We aren't welcome. You don't respect us or our experiences, and you don't see us as part of the aspec community (or if you do, it's because you're forced to tolerate us — yes, I see you when you say shit like that).
Aspec experiences are diverse, and icing out those of us who don't fit YOUR experience or narrative is aphobic and cruel.
