Occasionally, you find yourself thinking about few things that you think people judge you about. But is that really the case. You know, most people don't care about anyone as they care about themselves. Don't you think, it's you that's judging yourself rather than some people who doesn't give a fuck about you.
I think it's one of your major problems. You don't know how to relax. People seem to fix that problem by smoking some weed, drinking alcohol or doing some other activity. But you can't do that, you try to do the same thing. But after a while, you feel the urge to show everyone that you're actually relaxed, you're normal. And it's making you feel judged again, by other people and by yourself.
Clearly you're judging yourself. It's not like you're a weirdo and you like who you are. It's more like "I hate who I am and I need to change it, look at all the stuff I do and accept that I'm actually a changed version of myself". This is forced, this is not okay. Why are you trying to show other people that. Why are you so needy.
When you're trying to make peace with yourself, you start to build an ego. You feel like you're superior to them. That's why you used to see all the socializing unnecessary. That's as bad as judging yourself, because you didn't actually stop judging yourself. You're just making excuses for the things that you can't seem to have.
I guess the only solution is to love yourself in a way that's not egoistic or narcissistic. Accept that everyone is having similar problems as you do. People are not what they seem like. Most of the time, you look at someone and think stuff like fuck my life, I've lived all my life in isolation while this person lived his life with lots of excitement and happiness. And then question yourself about why you couldn't do that. After blaming every possible thing in your life, you come to conclusion that you are the only problem. You just lack something that other people have.
But that's the wrong way to look at it. Everybody is different. You can't have what other people have or they can't have what you have. We're originals and we are significant in our own ways. Don't try to show off, be what you are. You've spent a big portion of your life to be good at stuff you'd like to do. That doesn't make you superior to other people. That just makes you someone who made a decision. Not a life changing decision but a simple decision.
Love yourself because everybody needs and deserves to be loved at least by themselves.
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
kaledo-art
