ArquaticDreamer

🫧 He/Him 🫧 Complex-High Support Needs 🫧 FND & ME/CFS 🫧 Systeen 🫧 INFP-T 4x5 🫧 Full-Time AAC user 🫧 Multiply Disabled ♿️ 🫧 HoH 🫧 Severely cognitively disabled 🫧 Fully Nonspeaking Autist ♾️ 🫧 Polyfrag C-DID 🫧 SFW agere blog 🫧 please read pinned post

[arquaticdreamer]

Hello my name is Arquatic of The Hasted Tonberries

🌧 My name is Jules Cloud. I am 15-8 year old syskid/systeen alter || I am a proud SFW acespec wolf therian, SFW furry, and Native Apache. I am pup gender & autigender| I Run this nonspeaking advocate blog also is SFW perma-pet regressor padded agere blog.

🫐 We are a Polyfragmented C-DID system (Actually Diagnosed) 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 over 100+ real OEA & Programming survivor and real feral child [raised by dogs/wolf] || Body is 30 y/o chronologically but due to severe lifelong trauma, TBI's and cognitive disabilities is cognitively and mentally a forever kid/perma-systeen 🌧️ Main fronters: Julian Cloud (Host, ANP, Age-Slider), Mason Baumann (1st Co-host, EP, Traumaholder), Damian Brooks (2nd Co-host, EP, traumaholder), Paul Leskowitz (Comfort Alter, EP, Traumaholder). If it’s not Julian posting it’s either Mason, Damian or Paul and will specify in post tags and description. 🌧️

🫐 Multiply Disabled 🫧 Mostly Homebound 🫧 || Permantely Physically disabled ||Ambulatory wheelchair user ♿️ Severe Dyspraxia, Apraxia of speech, Dystonia movement disorder, Ataxia, Aphasia, Dysphagia, Asthma, FND, Mixed ARFID and ME/CFS, POTS.

🫐 Complex-High Support Needs Level 3 Autistic [Diagnosed] ♾️

🫐 Fully Nonverbal/Nonspeaking 🔇Full-Time AAC User (All our alters are fully Nonverbal) We are HoH. We use some ASL and made up hand gestures, i.e. "Home signs" due to motor issues

🫐 [Dx] Continued late Autism regression, Autistic catatonia, severely cognitively disabled, Agoraphobia [Diagnosed]

🫐 Typing is hard for Cloud, so Cloud sometimes types in 3rd person. Please be patient with me. We always have a hard time understanding everything typed to us.

🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧

Secondary accounts: Paul’s objectum/C-DID account: @demoload-pictocat129

Tags I use always:

#nonspeaking #nonverbal #actually disabled #autistic system #level 3 autism #high support needs #actuallynonspeaking #actuallynonverbal #fully nonverbal #fully nonspeaking #nonverbalcommunity

🫧 Arquaticcries = any post I make

🫧 Arquaticthinks = mostly realizations as an Autistic, or Autistic shower thoughts

🫧 Arquaticrants = emotional rants or Autistic void posting about ab/eism, struggles with life and such

🫧 Arquaticechoes = any reblog I make

🫧 ArquaticAutistic = my unique tag for who it is.

🫧 Arquatic Damian = Any posts by Damian

🫧 Arquatic Mason = Any posts by Mason

🫧 Arquatic Paul = Any posts by Paul

DNI: If you're kink or pro shipper or dark shippers stay the hell away from me, pro endo and endo systems, anyone who’s a system AND NOT traumagenic. (Only systems that exist are traumagenic, I did not suffer immensely and survive childhood to hear about systems “formed without trauma” I’m sorry but you’re not a real system) anti-furry, anti-padded agere, anti-petre, anti-objectum-romantic (I'm not part of sexual objectum community since I'm Ace but I don't judge allo objectums), anti-alterhuman and otherkin, anti-therian, minors, ddlg/abdl/, map, or no map (you're a gross Pedo so stay away from me), anti-religious, anti-spirituality, homophobic, transphobic, aphobic or anti-aspec, ED blog (this does not include ARFID related) or otherwise NSFW blog so no gross prn images. DO NOT talk to us about anything sex related, or anything NSFW or anything political. DO NOT ASK FOR DONATIONS! Cloud lives below poverty line and only gets so much money for self. And do not ask any of us to participate in political discourse, we are mentally incapable of understanding all of the nuances to those things due to our IDD. This is a strictly SFW agere blog and Agere should only be SFW. if you kink agere you're honestly gross of a person so just please stay away and leave us the hell alone.

Not my banners or art. Credit to who made it

[miffbug]

“ what do I do now? “

-

ahh trauma induced toddler space awesome luv it

jus wan go home but idk where that is

[purely-angelix]

"The rain is raining all around,

It falls on field and tree,

It rains on the umbrellas here,

And on the ships at sea."

A poem by Robert Louis Stevenson

Reposts welcome 🫶🏻

[cassiessafespace]

pov: it's raining & you sleep in your parents room <3

[lilymaude]

Cozy kid♡

[mypronounsarehehehaha]

[arquaticdreamer]

This is how it is for us as a complex polyfragmented DID system formed by OEA.

[littlebuginamug]

Messy/unconventional regression moodboard

To all the regressors that don't feel like they fit in this community, a big hug from me. Because sfw regression doesn't mean "pure" and it doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows every day. I see you.

[thefluxsystem]

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

[arquaticdreamer]

This and then some. Its every day again EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. IS. THE. SAME.

[starryk1sses]

I hate delayed amnesia so much. I’ll go through a whole day thinking I’m “fine” and fully present, and then hours later it hits me like—wait… I don’t remember anything from today. It feels like my whole day just slips through my fingers.

I’d like to think I’m staying relatively co-conscious with our other alters/fragments, but then once they leave, I lose nearly—if not all—of the memory afterward. It’s so disorienting.

[arquaticdreamer]

This is like every day all damn day you have no idear..like for real its annoying and bewildering and confusing as all hell. I dont know when I'm never NOT experiencing this no matter who fronts for the day

[arquaticdreamer]

Arquatic Paul: “Arquatic thinks”

Most of the time my hyperphantasia tricks me into thinking i can talk outloud just due to how quiet being totally nonverbal i actually am. but its only in the headspace its so odd to me every single time i have a dream where I’m still semiverbal like how I was growing up its such an odd experience and then I wake up with imposter syndrome thinking I’m still semiverbal and then i realize oh yeah I’m still totally actually nonverbal I can’t do that anymore like I used to. Nonspeaking later in life is really odd. For me it started in early teenage years losing all functional speech and then realizing that I couldn’t speak anymore yet people still expecting me to talk for the sake of their selfish desires. And having to prove to them time and time again that I simply cannot. I was originally diagnosed in early, early childhood and no one wanted to admit that I was actually autistic even the body’s bio mom. But knowing that i did for a time in early childhood like ages 1-4 i couldn’t speak at all and then learning to talk like at age 5 finally it really drives home the fact that i had very little expressive verbal language abilities and i still to this day have very poor receptive language skills. I just naturally tune out the moment i hear someone talking to me. I often wondered if that had to do with my upbringing growing up more around dogs and wolf dogs. It’s so confusing knowing that i did eventually learn how to read fluent English but never learned how to speak fluent English throughout life stable enough.

It definitely makes a huge difference being part of a polyfragmented C-DID system when my internal monologue is much louder than my not being able to speak silence. Having an internal monologue for a full time nonspeaker is also weird because of my hyperphantasia and synesthesia having to hear my thoughts audibly hallucinating them making me go over to my caregiver and gesturing in home signs “why aren’t you answering my questions?” Only for her to tell me “I didn’t know you were signing to me or asking me a question on your AAC.” Turns out i was never communicating verbally i was asking her the question in my head in my internal monologue. So trippy.

[arquaticdreamer]

What does “complex” high support needs mean? How is it different from just saying high support needs? (/genuine question)

Complex support needs is needing 24/7 on the clock hour care by a caregiver usually someone who possibly lives in a facility or hospital hospice care abd cannot be alone for any amount of time. Has extremely hard time communicating and cannot do any or all ADLs BADLS like any bathing ambulating toileting without assistance basically those who are high support needs already and above those who have multiple disabilities on top of other chronic illnesses this again is just my own personal experiences. Those who need feeding tubes or are needing an in home nurse care and or huge health care team of nurses. Im someone who is consistently in and out of the ER and needing IV Ativan and fluids for my severe autistic catatonia and dystonia I need lots of help with motor stuff and even assistance with AAC .most of us are totally nonverbal or can use moderate to minimal "home signs" or modified ASL sign language or for the UK version BSL modified signs some of us use eye gaze AAC power chairs. Etc. It depends from complex needs supports person i am very severely cognitively disabled I'm not intellectually disabled but I am very cognitively dusabled due to many untreated traumatic brain injuries (TBI's) and multiple concussions. Ive got other forms of communications outside of AAC tablet and homesign like I can write to an extent pen and paper. But very hard. High Support needs can be a wide spectrum from MSN-HSN lots of HSN autistics can be speaking or minimally to unreliably speaking. Or semiverbal. Depends i myself am totally nonspeaking (nonverbal) I have severe aggresive meltdowns that require intense help to calm down from and it can be so exhausting and mentally draining. Sorry if this isnt very well put out I just got back out off the ER for a concussion from a major meltdown I had three days ago and severe pneumonia. Hope some of this helps

[arquaticdreamer]

Telling to all the blogs I like but wanted to say you’re really cool :)

Thank you for a legitimate statement/question and not just someone asking me for donations. I never get anyone asking my blog questions about anything like EVER. And thanks so much I really appreciate the kindness. I often feel like no one gives a shit about my blog on here or me as a person. I'm not usually a frequent poster but that's just because im always struggling to stay afloat disability wise, mentally emotionally, and with my chronic illnesses I'm always in and out of the ER for my autism and catatonia dystonia and other major health issues. I never get any one asking me genuine questions or even simple kind remarks so I really really REALLY appreciate it. Especially as someone whos been through a lot as a polyfragmented system. Ive just been really struggling. But thank you so much

[arquaticdreamer]

I am nothing but an object all of us who cannot speak are nothing but mere objects to people like you. The words I fail to scream at you will never reach your heart they may reach your ears you can say you listen say you’re hearing us hearing all of us but nothing will ever pierce the cold hard exterior of your ventricles so we go unnoticed unheard unseen. Lost to the folds of time as all nonspeakers do at some point in their lives. My anger seethes but it dies off failing to carry through the wind. Words have become futile words have become weapons of mass destruction spreading like wildfire tearing apart all of those left in your wake. Survivorship is nothing more than just a label for you to exploit market off of and sell to consumers. Our words are nothing to you. Our lives are nothing to you our dreams our hopes and passions and vigor in life have been bled dry.

I have nothing left to say

[arquaticdreamer]

Silence is the loudest longest way to scream...and even though we may never speak again my silence is a conversation that will never end. Whether you listen or not

[sprinkleofquirk]

Idk who needs to hear this, but the reason you don’t “seem autistic” as an adult is because you weren’t allowed to be autistic as a child

[arquaticdreamer]

Arquatic Paul here:

Everyone NEEDS TO HEAR THIS. This is insanely true you have no idea how much i feel about this post it’s still true to this very day all children who are autistic still are NOT ALLOWED TO BE just autistic kids. And it’s a freaking crime. I hate it so much. Ask me how I know I work with autistic children have had a history of working with autistic children in the past and continue to do so now. The sheer amount of lack of autonomy they get and lack of respect for their bodies and wellbeing are through the damn roof. They DO NOT GET ANY RIGHTS at all. I never got any rights or respect or dignity to my life as a disabled autistic child and no one is listening to autistic children OR AUTISTIC adults who KNOW AND REMEMBER what it was like to be autistic disabled like them and being that small. Preach!!!!

[drakoma-deactivated20250406]

"i wish i was nonverbal :((( itd be so much easier if i just didnt talk :((" SO THEN BE NONVERBAL !! JUST STOP TALKING !!!

oh. whats that? u cant ? or u would but ppl r always being rude or making a big deal out of it or wont leave u alone or u dont have access to aac or aac is slower than speech or ppl make weird assumptions about u or-

so then u dont want to be nonverbal. u dont want to deal with what it is actually like to be nonverbal and everything negative that comes with it.

u want to have a choice not to speak, u want oral speech to not be seen as superior so you can communicate comfortably, u want better aac or better access to aac. and thats perfectly reasonable and good actually !! i want that too. but thats not the same thing as being nonverbal. so please dear god stop phrasing it like that.

[arquaticdreamer]

Guys please stop saying you want to be nonverbal. You DONT TRUST ME. You can't sing or gush about your favorite special interests to anyone without using an AAC device or letter board. It takes time to learn how to use AAC/letter board, etc..you can't call for help in cases of emergency you just cannot. Stop wishing you were nonverbal

[arquaticdreamer]

I miss walking and being able to run