Avoiding Writing Toxic Relationships
- My biggest problem with YA is the glorification of toxic relationships. Especially since it is targeted at a younger group of people who often idolize said relationships. So here’s a guide for determining if your MC’s love interest is toxic, or just a normal flawed person.
FIGHTING
- To make a realistic relationship, your MC and their love interest are going to fight. They are (most likely) young and in a high stress situation. It would be completely realistic for them to fight. However, too often in YA, these fights are taken past an unforgivable line. Physical violence is where the line in crossed. They should not push, slap, kick, their partner. If it is lover’s to enemies, this is okay when they are enemies, as long as it stops once they’re in a relationship.
- This goes for girl love interests as well. I’ve seen countless books have the girl slap or kick her male love interest after a small mistake or to show she’s angry at him. Authors do it to show that she’s a “strong female character”. Don’t do that. It’s not something cute. When I was twelve and began reading The Mortal Instruments, I got to the scene where Clary slapped Jace and was confused about whether or not they were really supposed to be interested in each other. (There are several things with their entire relationship. It really is just toxic. I had to stop reading after the second book the first time around.)
- Have your characters be in the wrong! It doesn’t make them toxic, it makes them human and relatable. Have them snap at their love interests over hurt feelings or in a stressful situation. But have them apologize and do better. Not only does it help show the audience that they have a healthy relationship, it shows character development. A character should not be the same as they were at the beginning of the book. They need to learn something. This is a good place to start if you are at a loss.
CONSENT
- What else makes YA couples toxic besides fighting? Consent. I’ve had to stop reading many YA books, because I was so put off by a lack of consent. I’ve seen authors frame forced kisses as romantic, even when the main protagonist was initially mad about it. (Sarah J. Maas books.) I’ve seen characters admit to s*xual assault and and it is framed as romantic because it’s framed as one character pining after the other. There always has to be consult. Characters don’t have to ask for everything, especially if they have an understanding with each other. Forcing things is different. Two best friends, or lovers, who don’t ask to hold hands, lay on top of each other, kiss, etc. (especially if it is common in their relationship) is completely different then knowing someone doesn’t like you and forcing yourself on them or admitting to them you don’t care about their boundaries.
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
- Have toxic relationships in your stories. Condemn them and show they are bad. Show red flags for young audiences and warn them to stay away from similar people. Have your character grow and over come people who don’t really care about them. Don’t use “he/she had a troubled past and has trauma. Now their a badboy/girl in need of love” to excuse their toxic or controlling behavior.
