RATING THEIR BAEPSAE STYLES
Welp, it just one of those nights where I judge and rate Baepsae hip thrusts. Don't worry, I'm well-read on the subject, and I've brought research material for your perusal. Please note that I've excluded 2026 Baepsaes as the band has been a bit lethargic. I don't want that skewing the results of my very serious research.
Also, this is just for fun. We're having fun. Don't come for me. I love these guys regardless of whether or not I think they could rearrange my gu--You know what? I've said too much. Let's get started.
I know. I know. He has a sexy voice. He's very handsome and mysterious. All true. But Tae takes an arthouse approach to his Baepsae, choosing subversion over sensuality. He often points to the area with a smirk, setting our expectations high for what we're about to get. He pauses for effect, and then gives us hip thrusts IN TINY. SMOL Thrusts. The snoot boop of hip thrusts, some might say. While I appreciate novelty, if I wanted to be that disappointed in a man, I'd go back to my ex-boyfriend.
JIN 4.5 5.5/10 & JUNGKOOK 6.5/10
Jin and JK are grouped together because of their similar approaches. They're less restrained than Tae, but often favor full body spasms, designed to draw attention from their otherwise aimless thrusts. Though, research suggests that when JK is in the mood, he can and will bring it. At best, Jin thinks about bringing it, then changes his mind. Often he doesn't bother with hips at all & just flails like he's a beached super tuna trying to get back to the sea. This is particularly disappointing considering the (100% likely, absolutely, probably true, maybe) rumors about Jin and his large...fishing pole.
**Oh wait, I just had a revelation. Maybe Jin's holding back for OUR safety. He can't just swing it around all willy-nilly. Okay, I'll give him an extra point for that. He's right to be worried, and I appreciate his consideration.**
Jimin, our ethereal fae prince, is safely in the middle of this list. He's enthusiastic more often than not, providing sharp staccato thrusts and a knowing smirk. He gets the job done and you won't be disappointed. Sadly though, he's the movie theater popcorn of Baepsae thrusters. A delicious way to hit the spot, but it's not going to keep you satiated for long. You'll be ravenous again before the song even ends.
Yoongi used to put in the work to impress us with his Baepsae, but he's older now, and he seems to have gone a bit soft. With that, you might be wondering why his score is so high. Good question. Because it's my list, and I love the enigmatic little bias wrecker. If Min Yoongi's not in the mood for intensity, I have no doubt he'll send us straight to Hong Kong with his tongue technology instead.
Hobi, of course, always goes hard. There's never been a performance of this song where he wasn't the standout. The well-executed thrusts have a surprising amount of vigor, designed to make us scream. He's hitting it with precision. Sure, he might be trying a little too hard to wow us with his flashy technique, but there's no doubt that he's exceptional. Also, he usually gets that leg up, making sure we can FEEL what he's doing to us.
Is this score based on my personal bias? Yes. But Namjoon is justifiably cocky with his Baepsae. He's a case study in intensity and understated technique. His thrusts remain reliably rigorous, even in low-energy situations, and it's impressive how he maintains tension and stillness in the rest of his body during thrusts, cunningly focusing all the momentum into his hips. He gets a bonus point for raising a honey thigh as high as possible, letting the tension, precision, and extra depth slam into the right spot in the song, every time. No notes.