Life of ARTaylor

Single mom life

[artaylorsblog]

Falling in Love with my Husbad

I loved my husband when we were dating. I cared for him and enjoyed being around him. I appreciated the type of man he was and his standards. These are significant reasons as to why I chose to say, "I do."

My husband is my best friend, and there is no other on this earth I am more vulnerable around. He and I have good times and bad times. Sometimes we struggle to like each other and wonder how we get to the other side of a problem. Yet, here we are trucking along with laughter, fussing, crying, kissing and contentment of each other's presence.

What we are learning: Marriage constantly has all these outside forces pushing and pulling with the ultimate goal of division. Sometimes people can be unintentional forces that create a divide and, sometimes worse, intentional. Hence, marriage needs a lot of nurture to withstand the continual tests of this world.

What we've noticed: With each argument or problem-solving that we overcome and choose to love through, we become closer and closer. I love him more today than I've ever loved him. The more we run to God each time we are upset with each other, the more he unites us.

What we've learned: God is the only one that can fulfill our needs. We often put too much on our partners to somehow fulfill. After all, they are who we let our hair down around and who we've vowed ourselves to forever. They are who know us at our ugliest and weakest moments, however, they are just the ones that we physically see.

What we know: God is the only one that knows our deepest ugliest self. Those things we see, think, or do when no one else is around. No other knows the darkest, most sinful thoughts we've had in our lifetime. Therefore the one we are most vulnerable to is God. He is who we must run to for success in this world and most importantly our marriage. He knows our spouse better than us. He knows the best way to word something, he knows the best time to say I'm sorry, he knows how to approach the other. If we run to him, we will run towards each other.

The Truth: Marriage is so much work! No one says it's easy, so saying its work is an understatement. However, the joining together of two people is a beautiful thing because of the long-suffering to unite as one. God joins us together when we make those vows to each other, just like when we publicly confess our relationship with Jesus Christ. Nothing shows a more excellent example of marriage. Just like when the believer's nature is changed, it is a lifelong process to become more and more like Christ. The same is with our marriage. It will be a lifelong commitment to continue to strive to become more and more unified. Every time we choose to overcome, continue to love, and run towards God, we become closer and closer to each other and, in return, strengthen our relationship with the creator.

[artaylorsblog]

Seven months ago, I stepped on a plane to fly back to the west coast after being home for a five-day break. I had flown home for my daughter's first homecoming dance. I took a red-eye to get there in time to see her get ready. I was exhausted when I stepped on that plane to change time zones once again and escape sleep. So, I vented on social media! Sleep-deprived and venting my negativity toward coworkers that created the turn of events that had my job calling me west, I received a response in my DM. He thanked me for my post and agreed with my points. A friendly back and forth began. No thought of interest would enter my mind on that plane ride. I was to be in California for another three weeks. Having an interest in anything other than social media friends couldn't possibly enter this mind that felt numb from travel, frustration and lack of sleep. I finally arrived at my office to receive great news. My trip was to be shortened. I would be home in 9 days!

As the days went forward, he and I spoke more and more frequently and eventually to the point of all day! We agreed to meet when I got home! From there, the story has more depth, growth, and love than I could ever have imagined! I was not looking, but he found me! The love of my life!

[artaylorsblog]

A Trickle of Light

The dark and cold have been with me longer than I can bear. I scream and fall to the earth. A trickle of light pokes through the clouds and awakens me. Its ray has warmth. I cling to the beam in fear of its departure. A sign of hope and growth as the trees stick with me. The fire dims in jealousy. The fire I forgot as I turned to see the return of the light. I begin to feel cold again. The light had only kissed me for a moment. It was not yet time for the light because the winter was not over. The light only wanted to give me hope. I return to my dying fire and rebuild, knowing soon the fire will not be needed.

[artaylorsblog]

Come to America

Come to America

You can be an out of touch Christian too.

Come to America but only in our legal way.

Come to America but do not seek help.

Come to America but only speak our English.

Come to America but do not have an accent.

Come to America but dress how we dress.

Come to America but live how we live.

Come to America and come to my church but make sure you look like I look.

Come to America but do not struggle.  

Come to America where Christians don’t have problems.

Come to America where America comes first.

Come to America where our political system is corrupt.

Come to America where you are allowed to be free of the world’s problems.

Come to America where you can isolate.

Come to America where Christians can forget what’s important.

Come to America where Christians buy into “Americanism”.

Come to America where Christians fight for a flawed history.

Come to America where Christians will interpret your life struggles as bad life choices and say you're on your own.

Come to America so you can forget Christ.

[artaylorsblog]

Foundation

One day, when I was 33, I lay flat in the floor in my sitting room, as I had so many times before. I often would get down in the floor in this room to pray and read my Bible. As I lay there and began to pray for the things I most often prayed for, my Bible presenting neatly in front of me, I paused for a moment as a thought drifted in my thoughts. This often happens to me as I'm praying and more often than not I believe it's God responding. As I lay there I imagined how sturdy the foundation is of my house. My house at that moment was 99 and ideas of a 100th Birthday party had been floating about between my daughters and myself. The floor was solid and the foundation still so great after 99 years. Maybe I had noticed this because I had grown up in the country. My childhood house was not built by experienced, trained builders so the foundation was rickety, the floor boards creeped and termites swarmed as if it were a buffet every summer. However, here and now my home of nearly ten years had a foundation made of brick and laid on flat land. I immediately became humbled and immediately looked up and found my Bible in my view. A more humbling experience to know that everything I need for a strong foundation in life was right in front of me. The inspiration from my God to me, laid just there at my fingertips. God has me exactly where he wants me and when or if he sees fit those things I have prayed about time and time again will be taken care of and even if they are not answered in the way that I hoped for, I know that my foundation begins with God and he holds my soul in his hand unable to be touched by any other. He is who holds my future, because he is my foundation!

[artaylorsblog]

Her Day

She has a long commute to and from work. She's been parenting over the phone since the kids arrived home, her co-workers can't get along, she has errands to run after work, groceries to pick up, she carries everything into the house, the kitchen is a mess from her youngest trying to make a snack, there is a sink full of dishes to do, lunches for the next day, school clothes to be set out, laundry to be done, bathes to be given, homework to be helped with, money needed for this or that at school the next day, permission slip forms to be completed for field trips, someone needs picked up from practice, the vacuum needs ran, she needs to make dinner, she makes herself stop for dinner, the animals are greeting her with bathroom messes, it's bed time for the house and when she completes getting the house to bed she remembers it's time to change out of the clothes that's she's been wearing since that morning... Goodnight world!

[artaylorsblog]

Goodbye

That morning I drank every sip of my coffee with intent and meaning. I tried to think quickly and rationally as if the coffee was helping my brain focus on want was being said. “I don’t know” the words pounded hard on my chest. Why today of all days does “I don’t know” feel like a dager piercing my heart? A phrase so simple and often overlooked because of its lack of meaning, indecisiveness had never mattered before. Why then does this phrase mean so much more, today? After sharing time with someone I thought was my forever future, he uttered the words “I don’t know” in a context that threw the relationship into jeopardy. You see these words came after an evening which ended in an uncomfortable conversation and a lot of uncertainty. The next morning after our silent breakfast he spoke. As the conversation tried to bring itself back I took a sip of my coffee and there I was staring back from the bottom of my cup. He continued to speak but I couldn’t hear or focus on what he was saying. I lost myself in why I had never saw myself before. Every morning I drink from my cup, but it wasn’t until this morning that I noticed my reflection at the bottom of my cup.

[william-frost]

“You won’t realize what life teaches you until after you’ve gone through it and survived. But at that moment, when you’re suffering and you believe you can’t possibly keep going. Keep. Going. Whether it’s school, work, or an immense loss of love. Keep moving forward, fight on. You’ve made it this far.”

— William Frost // Fighter

[ellliexo]

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece & a work in progress, simultaneously”

— Sophia Bush

[artaylorsblog]

Is He A Marathon Runner

How do you know if he's a marathon runner? I believe you don't have to know much to determine his ability to go the distance. First, how old is he, and what type of relationships has he been in. You can learn a lot about the past. I believe people deserve second chances, but a person's personality doesn't change. Why have past relationships not worked for him? For example, is he single after a long relationship with his significant other, and that person left him for someone else? Is he someone that has been married a few times for a short amount of time? Is he young and only dated a little? Many times you can determine his longevity by examining his past without bias. Stay neutral in the beginning, don't allow your mind to go into it with unrealistic hopes. Believing you are that someone different is a complete facade. Stop allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again.

You can control your emotions to a degree...so don't allow them to get ahead of the situation that you are in currently. When a woman is ready to settle down, she sees it all and wants it all. A man is wired differently. They must be built for the marathon. Are they in training? Does he give up things and condition himself for the marathon? What steps do you see in place that say he is ready for a marathon? You can feel if he is prepared or not. Trust your gut! We have a mold we hope to squeeze that man in that we have fallen in love with but get broken-hearted when he doesn't fit. The problem is our choices, not the guy that wasn't up for the race. You can have a lot of fun and enjoy time with a sprinter, and he might give his go at a marathon... But he won't finish.

[artaylorsblog]

Feel

I still feel. At first, I thought I was numb and could not feel anything. I only stepped into the shower for duty and not for hope of rebirth. I stood until I could stand no longer. My body was drained and forced me to sit. As I sat the water poured down my back and a steady stream came down over my left eye. With my mouth open and eyes closed I allowed the flow of the water to awaken my numb like soul. I could feel my limbs start to tingle and my love of water returned. As my soul warmed I opened my eyes and took notice of the water as it flowed from above, over my body and circled down the drain. It had done so much more than it's job. It only had one job, to come out when I turned it on. As it circled down the drain my emotions became overwhelming, did the water feel appreciated? How often did it do this very service, unnoticed? I cried as I peered looking down the drain and screamed, Thank you! Thank you for making me feel!

[artaylorsblog]

Goodbye

That morning I drank every sip of my coffee with intent and meaning. I tried to think quickly and rationally as if the coffee was helping my brain focus on want was being said. "I don't know" the words pounded hard on my chest. Why today of all days does "I don't know" felt like a dager piercing my heart? A phrase so simple and often overlooked because of its lack of meaning, indecisiveness had never mattered before. Why then does this phrase mean so much more, today? After sharing time with someone I thought was my forever future, he uttered the words "I don't know" in a context that threw the relationship into jeopardy. You see these words came after an evening which ended in an uncomfortable conversation and a lot of uncertainty. The next morning after our silent breakfast he spoke. As the conversation tried to bring itself back I took a sip of my coffee and there I was staring back from the bottom of my cup. He continued to speak but I couldn't hear or focus on what he was saying. I lost myself in why I had never saw myself before. Every morning I drink from my cup, but it wasn't until this morning that I noticed my reflection at the bottom of my cup.

[artaylorsblog]

Dating The Single Mom

She’s fragile when you break through. She has walls for a reason. She knows she’s fragile. She looks so strong that’s what attracts you to her. Her strength, confidence and Independence are sexy. Her sense of humor catches you off-guard and you find it refreshing. It takes a while to break through sometimes. You know her walls are put in place because of past upsets. Though, if you try hard enough you can get through. The challenge excites you. She seems different than anyone else. She makes you happy because you slowly make progress with her and you see the walls coming down. Everytime you see a wall come down you get a feeling of accomplishment. The progress being made brings her happiness and she feels special because you take the time. What will be left when the walls all fall down? Are you progressing with her? When you take on this challenge to expose the raw unguarded single mom, what then?

[artaylorsblog]

Dating The Single Mom

She’s fragile when you break through. She has walls for a reason. She knows she’s fragile. She looks so strong that’s what attracts you to her. Her strength, confidence and Independence are sexy. Her sense of humor catches you off-guard and you find it refreshing. It takes a while to break through sometimes. You know her walls are put in place because of past upsets. Though, if you try hard enough you can get through. The challenge excites you. She seems different than anyone else. She makes you happy because you slowly make progress with her and you see the walls coming down. Everytime you see a wall come down you get a feeling of accomplishment. The progress being made brings her happiness and she feels special because you take the time. What will be left when the walls all fall down? Are you progressing with her? When you take on this challenge to expose the raw unguarded single mom, what then?

[artaylorsblog]

Dating The Single Mom

She's fragile when you break through. She has walls for a reason. She knows she's fragile. She looks so strong that's what attracts you to her. Her strength, confidence and Independence are sexy. Her sense of humor catches you off-guard and you find it refreshing. It takes a while to break through sometimes. You know her walls are put in place because of past upsets. Though, if you try hard enough you can get through. The challenge excites you. She seems different than anyone else. She makes you happy because you slowly make progress with her and you see the walls coming down. Everytime you see a wall come down you get a feeling of accomplishment. The progress being made brings her happiness and she feels special because you take the time. What will be left when the walls all fall down? Are you progressing with her? When you take on this challenge to expose the raw unguarded single mom, what then?