Why must I be awake.
#another victim of the woke agenda
@natalieironside what's it like being one of the funniest mother fuckers on the planet?
I wish it paid more
Honestly? Valid.
cherry valley forever
Not today Justin
Peter Solarz
NASA
we're not kids anymore.
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Three Goblin Art

tannertan36
No title available
wallacepolsom

Janaina Medeiros
hello vonnie

blake kathryn
šŖ¼
Today's Document
sheepfilms
Jules of Nature
Cosmic Funnies

ellievsbear

oozey mess

seen from Netherlands
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@artemisgarden
Why must I be awake.
#another victim of the woke agenda
@natalieironside what's it like being one of the funniest mother fuckers on the planet?
I wish it paid more
Honestly? Valid.
My grandma just called and, among other things, saidĀ āYou have hips. Thatās good! Men like hips!ā and then she interrupted herself to sayĀ āWomen like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never rememberāĀ And I was likeĀ āThanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.ā and she was likeĀ āOkay, no one will comment on your hips!ā very self satisfied, likeĀ āaha, I have figured it outā I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she canāt always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like āsheās a little confused, but sheās got the spirit!ā
Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, itās 1/3, not ½
I told my grandma that Iād told my friends about what she said and that some of yāall had said you wished she was your grandma, and she saidĀ āWell, you can never have too many grandkids!āĀ So likeā¦consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is
Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she saidĀ āThatās okay, youāve never been straight!ā and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone
Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!
An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month
Happy pride month!!
A once-in-a-lifetime shot ā the moon perfectly framed by a rainbow. Caught at just the right time. š š
Sourcing the photos as taken by Mark Ham on Instagram, according to one of the replies.
Happy Pride month to the moon
Already know I wanna send this to people on June 1
Audio:
Erika, referencing ebenezer scrooge: You, boy! What day is it?!
Brennan, as a young boy: It's Pride, bitch!
people love the idea of the mean girl nurse pipeline because it problematises medical abuse as a personal perversion rather than understanding it as a product of broadly held ableist values and its like, if this was only about ontologically evil teenage girls choosing to enter a profession because of their unique sadism then you really wouldnt expect to see the exact same forms of abuse pervading all arrangements of paid, unpaid, formal, ad hoc, and familial caretaking as well -- its more comforting to believe the nurse was just a preexisting bad person than that most of the world broadly hates disabled people and will abuse, neglect, and gaslight them if given power over their care
Nuance: both these things can be true. While it is in fact a systemic issue of ableism, medical caregivers are -like parents and cops- a self selected group that offers authority and access to vulnerable people. This makes it attractive to people who (often without knowing/recognizing this fact about themselves) seek to exert authority and control over others who do not have the power to stop them.
free museum trips are wasted on unappreciative middle schoolers. let me go
i canāt get over the knife scene in cap2 because the winter soldier is trying so hard to stab steve
but he keeps on dodging
which makes him so frustrated he just pushes him away
likeĀ gOD LET ME FUCKING FINISH THIS
# GOD STEVE JUST LET ME STAB YOU
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see weāre all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
#the ancient texts
... My reblog was only six years ago!
so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day
i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.
Meanwhile, the American taking American antihistamines like, "I can't tell it did anything?"
Unless it's Diphenhydramine. And that's the shit that fucks with your head.
#we can't afford to see a physician but we do get to see the hat man (via @spiders-hth-is-an-outlier)
LeĆa and Din interactions in fics are always so funny to me because there will never be a more perfect matchup than Leia āI learned diplomacy at age two and Iāve been a politician since I was still in my motherās womb, address me with the proper respect and maybe I wonāt manipulate you JUST as muchā Organa and Din āI grew up ina sewer, my diplomacy is self-taught battle negotiation, and I wouldnāt know decorum or politics if it hit me in the faceā Djarin
Itās even FUNNIER when one of them is a politician and the other is the fucking ACCIDENTAL KING OF A PLANET
Leia, already expecting yet another sleazy politician: *fake smile* it is an honor to meet you, Mandāalor
Din, glancing up from doodling groguās face on a bunch of paperwork: uh. Itās an honor to meet you as well, Miss . . . senator
Leia:
Din: *glances at Bo-katan* was that wrong? Am I supposed to bow or something
Leia, mentally rewriting all of her strategies: no youāre fine. Also, I now understand why your guards are so protective of you. We must not ever let you be corrupted by the horrors of the senate
Din: . . . Arenāt you part of the senate?
Leia: yeah
@wheresarizona
context (via @mellorocket)
doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay
Okay but Elmo had actually the best and sweetest response to all this trauma dumping:
And then all the other Sesame Street character accounts joined in:
And now Iām thinking maybe weāre gonna be okay⦠š
(Comment compilation from this Twitter)
I kinda feel for the poor person running Elmo's Twitter.
"So, boss... I may have messed up."
"What did you do, Ray?"
"Well, I made a post for Elmo saying 'Hi, how's everybody doing?'"
"I mean, that's kind of what we pay you for."
"Yeah, but.... <sigh> it turns out pretty much everyone is hanging on by a thread, badly enough that they needed to tell Elmo."
"Oh."
"God help me, boss, I think Elmo needs to be there for them."
"Get the others."
this is the energy that jim henson would be proud of.
and important addition
Source: instagram
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER | 1997 - 2003 5x12: "Checkpoint"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2.03ā School Hard
itās missing my favorite power š¼Ģ¶šĢ¶šĢ¶šĢ¶š ̶š¾Ģ¶ friends hours
āfrank castle is perfectly at peace in a world of absolute darkness, heās not looking for a hand to pull him out of the hole that he's in. he's fine living in there.ā
this makes the fact that karen is his one and only true weak spot much more compelling to #me
heās truly this meme
Today's a good day. The weather's perfect, I saw a lizard, I dropped off my vote-by-mail ballot, and an outing that I wasn't looking forward to was canceled.
And now there's a cat on my feet.
Bad days are easy to notice. It's good to take note of the nice ones too.