to be loved is to be seen
i will crawl to lay in its sunken and collapsed roots. a hiding place
a monastery abandoned by its cleric, yet sworn to forever be returned to
by me, and me alone. i smile to think
that i’m in a place you once were. a place you’ve
since escaped, yet we still cower together, one way
or another.
nobody else sees it’s architecture and it’s
solemn consolation like i do. they stride
straight past
its hypnotizing circular patterns
and i, fascinated at their
simple talent, avert my eyes to them.
i don’t want to think about how easy it must be
to be loved
i wish that i could discover, and protect, heal, and dedicate.
the wall
doesn’t allow me to figure out how
just yet.
maybe another ten years will do it.
another decade to finish counting our everlasting rings
and tracing acrylic hearts that somewhere, sometime bore intention
as my fingers pretend i know a shape
i never reached out to hold.
i’ll build you— i’ll paint you a portrait in return
with my own words that i can recite over and over
committing all of what’s left of you to memory,
because i've never been able to predict either of us
and suddenly, that’s not exciting anymore.
i have misplaced my armor. i can’t recall where i last left it,
and i can’t recall ever setting it down.
in order to advance, i must try to find protection.
i've learned that i can't rely on bravery, and i can no longer rely on you.
i am sorry;
i am trapped, and i must take my time
to be seen
i am my heart as i spiral, but i am paddled and restrained
to a prison of bone, as my mind is to a prison of flesh.
as you and I are,
within the wall.
dailybridgerton
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
areudirty
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
