Moira is an 18-year-old Humanities and Social Sciences student at Bulacan State University.She created this blog to express her wild imaginations to be put into words and art.
The pair of shoes, scuffed and worn, stood sentinel, at the door.
I stared at them, carefully, intricately, blankly. Everything happened within five minutes── five excruciating minutes.
5 Minutes
I remember the time I asked her why she loved those shoes so much that even when they looked so old, she always wore them.
"Why do you love those pair of shoes so much?" I asked. She smiled up at me, eyes twinkling like stars. She gently grabbed my hand and held it as we walked.
"Well, let's just say that they feel familiar. It's like the feeling of home when you've been out of town for a while. It's like this──" she gestured to our intertwined hands "──it feels just right."
Back then, we were together for almost a year, and my heart still fluttered. Up to now, three years have passed, my love for her never faded. Unlike her beautiful smile, her bright eyes now seemed dull, but her quirky self never left.
4 minutes
Her favorite pen and journal sat on the bedside table, seeming like it was untouched for days.
At night, when her day is almost finished, she gets that journal, writes down everything that she is thankful for that day. She always believed that every day was a gift to her.
One night, she only wrote one line── my name.
3 minutes
Her hands were loosely tangled to her blanket, the blanket that she could never sleep without──until one night.
I feel someone slowly wake me, forcing me to open my eyes. I looked up and saw her, a frown upon her pink lips, eyes lightly red.
"Baby, I'm sorry, but I can't sleep, I forgot my blanket at home," she whispered, guilt wrapped her voice. She looked vulnerable, she was far from the strong girl I knew, and it was somewhat nice to know that my brave little princess has also her soft side.
I lightly smiled, pulling her back to bed. Carefully staring at her eyes, I grazed my thumb against her frowned lips. I thought of ways on how to get her to sleep, but I did the first thing that popped into my head── I sang.
"Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help, falling in love with you…"
I didn't have the best voice in the world, all I know is that she loves this song. I could notice her smile every time it comes on shuffle while we're in the car, I just knew this song has a special place in her heart, so I kept singing.
Her eyes fluttered slowly, as she began to fall asleep, that beautiful smile back on her lips.
2 minutes
The bracelet that her dad gave her still fell perfectly on her wrist. It reminded her so much of the time when he passed away, but she never, not even once, removed it. It reminded her of pain, but it also reminded her of how happy she was when her father still lived. It reminded her that life is never the way you want it to be. Sometimes, the universe takes away something important to you and replaces it with another. She always insisted that that something important that was given to her was me.
1 minute
A tear fell from her freckled face, and it was only the second time I ever saw her cry.
She was the toughest and bravest girl I knew. Even when she discovered that she had cancer, she remained the happy-go-lucky girl that she is. She never let cancer kick her ass, even when it did to her dad. She never let it get to her.
She always told me that cancer was a monster who's afraid, a monster that wants to hide its fear by transferring it to someone else. Nevertheless, to my princess, cancer failed to give that fear to her, she was never afraid── she faced every day fighting.
I noticed that these were the little things, her little quirks, which made me fall in love with her in the first place. The way she described worn out shoes as home, the way she was thankful of every little detail in her life, the way that she is attached to things, and just simply the way she looks at life.
She never saw darkness in anything or anyone; she always saw something to be thankful for, something to smile about, and something to remember.
0
Her eyes fluttered close, just like the way when she fell asleep that one night. I could hear her mother crying in the background, the doctor's muffled voice, the intense, irritating sound of the heart monitor going flat, but all I could concentrate on was when she looked at me one last time and whispered…
"I love you"
All I see nowadays are poetry of heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, depression, and it hurts me to know that many people are suffering such feelings that just makes you feel so crushed, lonely, and just simply empty. No matter how much you just want to reach out to them and tell them how everything is going to be okay, it's not that easy because not everything will heal, not everything will be back the way it used to be; some things just have to change. Maybe, just maybe, that's how we'll heal, by accepting the change; by accepting that there's another day waiting for us in the open, we just need to hold on tighter and have a little more hope, and finally stand up from where we fell. So if you're crying about some boy who broke your heart, don't let that bring you down, you're so much better than that. If you're having problems, talk to someone and let it all out, don't let it eat you alive. If you're depressed, never, ever let your demons control you, you can do this, and no matter how cliché this sounds, start believing in yourself and be strong. No one is responsible for your happiness except you. Smile :) // c j l m
It was fun while it lasted. 💖 #vsco #vscocam #vscofilter #vscophotos #vscogrid #vscoph #vscophilippines #shades #pool #swimmingpool #anvayacove #anvayacovebeach #sunnies #beach #summer (at Anvaya Cove Beach and Nature Club)
Through every single day that I experience, I see the reality of our society today. I am seeing how disgusting our world is turning out to be, but maybe our world was this cruel even before, I have just looked at it in a different way; through a child’s eyes where nothing could hurt me but monsters under my bed.
This world we have is unforgiving, unmerciful. Open your eyes to the poverty around us and the corrupt officials we elect because of their wonderful way of saying that they would change our country; they did, they made it worse. Open your eyes to this thing we call “education” where the only important thing now is passing and being number one on the list; learning not even in the curriculum anymore.
We have one ugly world and they say that it still has hope, they say that our generation is the light to this dying earth, but in reality we’re the ones who are destroying it more, letting it slowly crumble in front of our eyes.
Open your eyes now before it’s too late, we never know that in a blink of an eye, the world will give up on us and come crashing down. Open your eyes now and don’t you dare look for change, be the change that you want to see.
You make me want to write and you have no idea how much that says about you. I only write when I really need to, when I’m close to my breaking point, when I’m so close to giving up at everything.
You make me want to write a whole page every single day but I don’t. Once I do, I know that I’m going to realize the truth, that I’m wasting my time, effort, and love on you. It’s making me realize that I’ve been this stupid for too long. It’s making me want to realize that the answers were all right in front of me and I kept ignoring it.
I guess I’m really that blind, you know? To stop something I passionately love for something that I’m infatuated with. With you I run out of words to say because you’re truly something indescribable.
We're back to phase 1, square 1, from the start, whatever you want to call it. It feels like the last time we talked was the "Game Over" and now it feels like the "Restart".
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