٭*♫*٭✧*٭ The Light In My Darkness ٭*✧*٭♫*٭
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Zanka Nijiku x GnReader - Angst & fluff- Depression somewhat depicted. - Zanka comforts you/Mission/Cuddling/Showering together/ etc. SPOILER FREE
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When you had joined the cleaners, the potential you displayed was beaming. Fast, bright, motivated, and committed. You were flowing through missions at a pace that would have been irregular for anyone else, but it was you, the “prodigy.” Wherever you walked, other cleaners would throw praise at you, apprise you with their approval, some even claimed to be proud of your progress.
So why, why was it that lately you felt an empty pit in your stomach whenever someone complimented you.
Honestly you wanted to believe them, listen to every positive word that escaped their lips, but something in that brain of yours simply wouldn't allow it.
Yet, you knew exactly what it was. The thought of the new boy on your team surpassing you. Rudo, the spherite, he arrived here a month ago and already seems to have made more progress than you.
The team you had been assigned to was Akuta, and you had made a few friends at HQ. Riyo, Enjin, Eishia. But none of them understood how you were feeling, and gosh did it just make you feel more alone.
“But you're good at being a cleaner, everyone knows that!"
“Y/N please, everyones always admiring you!”
“You shouldn't feel that way, we all know you're talented.”
No, No none of them would ever know how you feel. They just don't get it. They've never been in your shoes.
Well, that is what you believed, until you got close to another member of team Akuta.
Zanka Nijiku. You don't remember the exact details on how you started your friendship, or, romance now, but you remember bonding over yearning for approval while on a mission together. Hm, trauma bonds, classic start to a relationship. He seemed over his past, like he was ready to start a new beginning and forget about what he'd gone through. But whenever you two were in private together, he'd open up. Talk about how he's scared for the future, worried he won't get stronger, and fret over not being good enough. Of course, you'd always console him, tell him it's okay, that he's talented, that you could both get through this together.
He appreciated whenever you'd give him reassurance, and he'd reciprocate it to you. He'd hold you, tell you that your feelings are valid. He'd try to help you come to terms with your potential, that you were more than you think. All of it.
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A few weeks had passed, and your "competition" had only furthered his rise to the top. He was close, so close, to surpassing you. Even thinking about it made you clench your fist. Semiu had assigned team akuta a group mission to deal with a nasty trash beast north of HQ. The car ride to the given location was calm, laughter filling the air as Riyo, Enjin, Zanka and Rudo all joked about Gris driving.
"You're practically rocking us in a cradle!" Enjin spouted, holding onto his chest, tears falling out of his eyes as Riyo added on.
"I think y/n's fallen asleep with how quiet they are!!" she poked at you, releasing a giggle or two from your lips.
"Would you prefer Enjin being the one with the wheel in his hands?!" Gris yelled at them.
"On second thought maybe your driving ain't so bad." Riyo quietly replied..
As the laughing calmed down, you continued staring out the window, wondering how you could prove you're still better than him, that you're still a prodigy. Maybe if you easily took down the trash beast, they'd realize he's not that special. You can do what he does, better even. right?
Gris hit the breaks, turning off the car as everyone began stepping out to take in the surroundings.
"Alright lets check out what we're dealing with."
You held your vital instrument close, knowing the trash beast could appear and attack at any moment. You're tense, nervous for the fight. You'd done this millions of times, but today was different. You had something to prove. Zanka observed you, the tension placed on your shoulder, the way your eyes darted everywhere.
"Are you alright y/n? Ya' seem a bit worried, need to talk?" zanka expressed his concern, but you just shook your head no, "we don't have time to talk right now Zanka, maybe in the car." you reply, attempting to lessen his concern.
"You shouldn't just brush me off like that.." zanka mumbled, turning in another direction.
After waiting and walking around for a bit, the trash beast emerged due to a screech from Rudo after Riyo tickled his sides. They always messed around....Riyo attacked first, beginning the altercation with the trash beast. You swiftly made your way behind, trying to avoid getting swiped into the ravine next to the fight zone. Careful, precise, thats what your technique consisted of. You were managing to deal a decent amount of damage towards the side of the monster, when it abruptly jolted in your direction and it aggressively hit you. You flew to the side, sliding and jumping on the dirt, your heart was racing, your mind everywhere and no where all at once fighting to recollect itself. Thats when you felt it, emptiness, space, a floating feeling beneath you.
This cannot be happening, not when you had so much depending on this mission.
"im....falling" you quietly mutter. You could hear the screams, Zankas especially. He immediately rushed over to the edge to try and grab you but you were way too far down, a small ledge a few feet down being what broke your fall. You were dripping blood from your head, engulfing your hair.
"Don't close your eyes! Keep them open y/n!" zanka yelled from above. He was shaking, trying his hardest not to loose his cool but he couldn't help it. Tears were forming in his eyes, heart breaking piece by piece as he stared down at your injured body.
In the meantime, Rudo was working on ending the trash beast as quickly as he could, worrying over his teamates current conditions. Once he finished, he immediately rushed over to Zanka, still stunned by what had occured a few minutes ago. He couldn't move, couldn't stop staring.
"Zanka please, you need to move!" Rudo exclaimed, needing him out of the way in order to jump down and help you. Zanka hesitated, but didn't object, he just got up slowly and stepped back, his eyes still focused on the location you landed, his mind trying to convince himself that it's going to be okay.
Rudo jumped down, assessing the state you were in. Bleeding from the head, but by some miracle you didn't seem to have broken any bones. He slowly began to pick you up, you weren't very heavy, but not the lighest either. He propped you up, letting Riyo and Enjin just close enough to grab onto you and begin pulling you out of the ravine, Rudo being pulled out the same way shortly after. Zanka stayed frozen in place, watching as you began clearly widening your eyes. Gris wrapped a bandage around your head, then began asking how many fingers he was holding up.
"Try to get up for me." Gris commanded. you slowly began to rise, dizzy as all hell you somehow managed to get on your feet. You could barely walk, a piercing feel coming from the back of your head.
Zanka begins to walk over to you, immediately grabbing you, wrapping his arms around you so tight he forgets you need to breath. He shoves his head into the nape of your neck, & you could feel his tears smeared all over your skin. "You.. scared me.." he whispers, breath shaking as he gasps for air. Gosh you wanted to reply, you wanted to hug him back and kiss him, tell him everythings okay and it won't happen again.
But you couldn't, not only were you too weak to display any affection, but your mind only pondered on something else.
Unbelievable. The mission you were supposed to shine on, taken by someone else. Not only did he defeat the trash beast, but he had to save your ass too. "I'm so.. Pathetic" you mumbled without even realizing it. Zanka heard you, he looked at your face for a second, focusing on the puddle of tears forming in your eyes. He didn't want to bring it up in the moment, and saved it for when you guys got back to HQ.
Dreadful. Thats a way to describe the drive back to HQ. Awkward, and quiet. You rested your head on Zankas shoulder as he traced his thumb along your knuckles, periodically grabbing your hand to press a small kiss against it. You could feel every time Rudo looked over at you, it made you furious inside. Why the hell was he so nice?? Why did he care so much? He knew what he was doing.
The second you arrived at HQ, you b-lined towards your room, Zanka following closely behind. "Y/N slow down!" he called you, grabbing onto your hand.You quickly slapped it away, continuing the long walk towards your room, and leaving him in shock.
Once you entered, Zanka immediately shut the door, and thats when you snapped. You fell to the floor, bit your lip so hard it started bleeding, and began sobbing uncontrollably. Zanka immediately lowered himself next you and cupped your face into his hand.
"You've been acting off all day, please you need to talk to me baby" Zanka pleaded as you slowly fell into his arms. "I'm so tired." you cried. "I'm tired of feeling useless, I'm tired of feeling alone, less than everyone else." snot runs down your nose, and zanka just wipes it away with the sleeve of his uniform, then grabbing your head and pulling it even closer to his chest. "I know how you feel y/n, you already know I do. I promise you're not alone, I'll always be here with you." he gently tells you, planting a kiss on your forehead as you continue to shake on him. "Zanka I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so weak, I'm not good enough for this anymore."
"Baby, you're as good as anyone here. You deserve to be here, and in my eyes, you'll always be the best. Maybe you're even better than me!" he reassures you.
As Zanka scratches your head, pieces of dried blood get stuck under his finger nails, some of it still semi wet and sticky on your scalp, but flaking off bit by bit as well. "Y/N, maybe we should take a shower. I know you're still a bit weak, I'll wash your hair for you." he gently rubs his hand up and down your arm.
"A shower wouldn't hurt, I feel disgusting anyways..." you reply, releasing a deep sigh with your breath still shaky. "Come on then baby." zanka says as he helps you get up and walk towards the shower, the adrenaline boost you had while speeding to your room long gone by now. In the bathroom he turned the water on, putting it at a hot temperature to relax your muscles.
With bare skin, you both step into the shower. He begins with you, slowly shampooing your hair, meticulously making sure each flake of dried blood is cleaned off your scalp. He'd occasionally hug you from behind, slowly kissing your shoulders and reminding you how much he loved you. When he began brushing your hair, he tried to be gentle, being careful so it wouldn't irritate the wound more then it already was. It bled excessively, but it truly wasn't as deep as it seemed.
"We should let Eishia check up on you..." he said with concern in his throat.
"Tomorrow, I'm exhausted. I just wanna lay in bed." you replied, turning around and leaning into his chest, giving him a tiny collarbone bite. After awhile of cleaning each others bodies, you began shampooing his head, his hands resting on your waist.
"Baby be careful you're getting it in my eyes!!" Zanka squirmed, quickly putting his face in the water to cleanse the burning sensation. "Sorry zanka..." you replied. "Don't worry about it, only hurt a little." he smiled at you, beginning to step out the shower. He dried himself off with a towel, then wrapped it around his waist as he waited for you to finish doing the same.
You both walked back into the room, rummaging through the closet to find clothes to put on for sleep. It was late, and you were both exhausted after todays grueling mission. You slipped into bed, and he followed close behind you, beginning to cuddle you from behind, placing his chin on your shoulder.
"Are you feeling better baby?" zanka hugs you tighter, scooting closer and closer by the second.
"Thanks to you I am.." you respond, pondering on what you'd do next. Zanka had finally helped you realize that you can't always be the best, but you have your own unique talent. It doesn't matter what others think, you don't have to be better than anyone else.
Zanka couldn't sleep that night, he couldn't stop thinking about the way you looked in that ravine, helpless, bloody. It made him tear up a little again. You didn't notice, you were sound asleep in your lovers arms. He couldn't help but squeeze closer to your warm body. He loved you so much, if only you guys could cuddle like this all the time.
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༻ A/N : First Angst fanfic, first tumblr fanfic, first time posting on tumblr! Kinda nervous. I'm used to AO3 & Wattpad but geez, Tumblr is lowkey difficult to navigate¿
Anyways hope you liked this, I'm still trying to improve since I'm just a baby fanfic writer...!
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