“Arya, my feelings for you were so obvious, everyone we knew commented on it! Don’t tell me that you couldn’t see that. No, you could, but you didn’t want to. Because it was easier for you to ignore that and keep things going, regardless of the consequences.”
Warren had never spoken to his best friend this way, and this level of anger and frustration with her, specifically, was new to him. There was a possibility she would never speak to him again, after what he’d just said.
It was a weird headspace for Warren to be in, to know he shouldn’t have said something he most definitely just did. He’d more than made a habit of doing so; he flew off at the handle, gave in to his first impulse, and then regretted it afterward. There was a time when Warren had been so afraid of making a wrong move, he was paralyzed with indecision. Terrified of fucking up. The irony of it all was that it was Arya who encouraged him to loosen up, and get out of his shell.
That he couldn’t understand emotions if they weren’t extreme was an inherited weakness. A genetic one, even. When things got difficult, he fled like his father, and when things got emotional, he took it over the top like his mother. The two people he’d been trying to outrun his entire life. It wasn’t Mystic he had been trying to flee all those years ago, but the long shadow that was cast over him, through merely the accident of his lineage.
The only other person who could, would, and did understand the trap he was currently falling into wasn’t speaking to him. He’d overstayed his welcome in everyone else’s life, and now he was ruining his relationship with Arya, too. Yup, sounded about right.
Warren couldn’t bare to look at Arya just then, or even utter another word. At least part of him hoped she’d kick him out, because at least that meant the conversation was over, and he couldn’t say more things he’d come to regret.
Her life was a joke. A sorry excuse of a joke. It had been cruel enough to put Arya in a relationship with Forrest — someone so grounded and stable. And now, of all people, it was her best friend who had decided to confess his undying love for her. Her best friend who had just as many commitment issues as she did. Where was the middle ground? How was she ever supposed to win when life kept handing her impossible scenarios?
Maybe she had shrugged things off and maybe she had ignored them, but not consciously and not on purpose. Despite Warren’s selfish claims, Arya had never considered herself loveable. She hadn’t seen it because she didn’t know that she was supposed to or allowed to. As his words sunk in, Arya could feel her heart begin to pound against the walls of her chest, growing seemingly louder with every unspoken word or moment of silence. It wasn’t that she wanted to be angry, or scared, or confused. It wasn’t that she wanted to leave him hanging either. But for Arya, it was hard to discern the difference between how she felt and how she wanted to feel.
This time when she spoke, Arya’s voice was much softer. Almost as though she was afraid to poke the bear she’d suddenly awoken inside of him. “Tell me this. If you had told me your feelings back in high school and I had felt the same, what would have happened? Where would we be right now? What would you have done?”