As Written By Moffat

What would happen if Steven Moffat wrote your favorite things.

[as-written-by-moffat]

The 2016 Election as Written by Moffat

Everything is the same except Hillary Clinton is the maniac power hungry businesswoman with zero grip on reality, and Donald Trump is the career politician who is being persecuted and derided because he's a man.

[fffendi-deactivated20190324]

[jennytrout]

I feel like Simon Vaut is forgetting 155 km of German history.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Nah, I think Simon remembers, it's Trump that forgot, or rather chooses to ignore because megalomaniac potential war loads who would most likely bring on the nuclear apocalypse because someone tweeted about his swamp rotten patch of dead fur that sits on his head doesn't really have time to care about history.

[lesbianmichaela]

Maritza in the Season 4 Trailer

[as-written-by-moffat]

Bill the new Companion SPOILERS AHEAD Be warned

I’m happy that the newest DW companion is a woman of color.  

Then I remembered that Moffat is still in charge so I’m kinda scared.

From the very short trailer, I’m kind of imagining her being the “sassy black friend”  who doesn’t do a whole lot other than say “oooohhhhh chile, we in trouble”  while 12 makes passive aggressive racist comments to and about her.  Then she’ll pointlessly, yet violently get killled halfway through the season so 12 can find a white manic pixie dream girl who would best compliment his manpain.

[stfumoffathaters-archive]

…This resembles nothing Moffat has written ever. 

[as-written-by-moffat]

It resembles everything Moffat has ever written.

Danny:  12 automatically assumed he was a PE teacher, unwilling to believe that he could teach something “smart” like Math.  Given the stereotype that men of color are seen as more athletic than intellectual, 12/Moffat is just reinforcing it.

Clara: 12 Always made comments about her face, looks, body; and they were rarely compliments

Amy:  11 made the same type of comments about her dress, body and face

Courtney, Clara’ Student:  A young girl of color that the Doctor refuses to acknowledge as an actual person.  Even says something to the effect of “she’s not special,”  which flies in he face of the whole message of DW, that everyone is special.  The unintended message is that “okay, everyone that is white is special”

How many one episode female characters died for no reason and senselessly?

Given Moffat’s casting track record, where every humanoid they come across is white; and the seldom few that aren’t are usually dead by the end of the episode or the end of the season.  

Yeah, I don’t fully trust Pearl or the character of Bill in Moffat’s hands.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Bill the new Companion SPOILERS AHEAD Be warned

I’m happy that the newest DW companion is a woman of color.  

Then I remembered that Moffat is still in charge so I’m kinda scared.

From the very short trailer, I’m kind of imagining her being the “sassy black friend”  who doesn’t do a whole lot other than say “oooohhhhh chile, we in trouble”  while 12 makes passive aggressive racist comments to and about her.  Then she’ll pointlessly, yet violently get killled halfway through the season so 12 can find a white manic pixie dream girl who would best compliment his manpain.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Star Wars: The Force Awakens as written by Moffat

I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve seen some spoilers on the movie, so I kinda know what happens.  Also this is going to be really short, so maybe someone can think of something better/longer.

SPOILERS AHEAD if you haven’t seen TFA.  

It’s the story of Finn, a tall, white, pasty, gangly, yet super smart and wonderful guy.  Finn decides to fight the evil Kylo, who’s evil because he mother didn’t love him enough.  So everyone blames Leia for Kylo’s manpain.  They fight and some girl named Rey does some crying over children or something.  Kylo bows up shit and kills people, and everyone knows it’s Leia’s fault.  Then Luke comes out of nowhere and says “HA HA”  I”ll use the force and make Anakin go away and so we never existed.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

Team Fortress 2 as written by Moffat

Never heard of it...if someone has something feel free to submit

[as-written-by-moffat]

Have you been watching the new season of dw? As much as I liked this season SO MUCH better than the last one, there were still some gaps. any ideas?

No I haven’t.  Glad to hear it is better, maybe at some point I’ll get around to watching it.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Black Mirror as written by Moffat

That’s the Twilight Zoneish Anthology series right?

I’ve seen the few episodes that were on Netflix, and the one that sticks out is the pig episode.  And without being too spoilery or too graphic, I’ll just say that the PM doesn’t go through with the demand, and finds a way to outwit the kidnapper (because he’s super smart and awesome and the bestest PM to ever PM).  Then it turns out it was the Princess who was behind the whole thing all along, because she an evil, unstable woman, who got mad that the PM wasn’t in love with her.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

You made many excellent points in your J. Jones post and I agree with almost everything you said, save for one part, and that's when you mentioned that the men in JJ are written the way Moffat writes females. A good writer should be able to flesh out characters, regardless of gender; it doesn't paint JJ in a positive light by insinuating they intentionally write cheap male characters as payback for other writers consistently mistreating female ones. Moffat couldn't write Killgrave or Malcolm.

That’s fair. Moffat couldn’t write Malcom, Kilgrave or even Rueben they way they were in JJ; but he would write Kilgrave to be more sympathetic and allow the audience to “Loki” him (although there are whispers of people Loki’ing him, that would be stronger if Moffat had a say).  He would write Malcolm to be the poster boy for everything that is wrong with people who struggle with the illness of addiction.  

My point, which I clearly failed to make, because I’ve gotten a couple of notes on this; is that the narrative of JJ doesn’t rely on the male characters to be the only force to move along the plot, while the women sit and twiddle their thumbs or bat their eyes.  In JJ, while Malcolm is well written and we’ve seen a bit of his backstory, he’s just there to facilitate the plot for Jessica, the upstairs neighbor and the victims group.  Malcolm is the one to twiddle his thumbs until he is needed by the plot. If Malcolm’s story had ended with his sobriety, the rest of the story would not have suffered. The Ugly Steve Rogers story could have been cut as well without leaving a gaping hole in the story.  Rueben was fridged for the benefit of adding to Jessica’s guilt.  So it is refreshing to see male characters that are shown as archetypes, and not necessarily essential to the overall arc, instead of being the only ones written with any amount of depth.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

Jessica Jones is the Anti-Moffat

I normally don’t do this, but I’m going to go against my theme and not write “Jessica Jones as Written by Moffat” and tell you all why you should go out and watch it, because it really is everything that is not Moffat and everything Moffat thinks he’s accomplishing with his shows.

I do want to put in trigger warnings for violence, and themes of rape, abortion and abuse. If those topics and themes make you skwicky or uncomfortable, you should probably avoid it.  I’ll try to avoid spoilery stuff, but it’s kind of hard.  

The women are well rounded, complex, conflicted, with interesting back stories, and are in charge of themselves (well except for..um.. instances of things that may be spoilery if mentioned).  It’s the women who save the day, and all the women have good and bad reasons behind their motivations and actions; but they aren’t painted as the sinner or the saint in the narrative.  Moffat women are there just for Moffat or his Gary Stu, sure they may have a backstory, but that isn’t important to him. Jessica, Trish, Jeri, Wendy, Pam, Trish’s Mom, Hope, are all women Moffat thinks he’s writing, but they are not.  

The plot makes sense.  It had a natural progression, beginning, middle and end, and the filler episodes were entertaining. There were times where the plot seemed to drag and the writers tried to cram in an ill thought sub plot (Ugly Steve Rogers).  However, the show seems to correct itself and get back on track when it started to inch off the rails.  I’ve seen some people complain about how the ending was somewhat unsatisfying.  However, I do think that was the end that was needed, it wasn’t a bunch of explosions and action and overdramatics, it went out with a whimper, which is quite the opposite of how the “big bad” wanted it to end, which made it perfect.  Moffat spends so much time creating bluster, getting off on his own perceived intelligence and trying to sustain a season long arc that would barely fit an episode, and what comes out is a giant mess of garbage.  

The men are there to be eye candy (Luke), cardboard boring dude-bros who have side plots that no one cares about (Ugly Steve Rogers), creepo “nice guys” (Rueben), plot devices (Malcolm) or an amalgamation of all of those tropes  to be the ultimate evil man (Kilgrave).  The male characters are pretty much reduced and boiled down to basic character traits that become their sole defining aspect, much like Moffat women.   

The wonderful use of David Tennant and his acting abilities.  That heaping pile of pig vomit that was the 50th Who anniversary still pisses me off.  

Sensitive topics are treated with sensitivity and reality, without being preachy or making some kind of political statement.  Abortion is not a magic moon egg; it’s a choice, a hard one, and one that should not illicit some kind of judgmental personal opinion thrust upon someone making the decision.  Perhaps the biggest main message of Jessica Jones is how awful the victim blaming nature of our society is on woman.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

Sense8 as Written by Moffat

There’s this guy Will and he can mentally contact other people.  Those other people aren’t really important because Will is our hero.  

Okay fine, you wanna hear about the other people, fine, but remember this is about Will.

There’s Riley, she’s plucky, perky and precocious.  She’s in love with Will because it’s Will.  

Then there’s Max, he’s Will’s sidekick, and there will be no UST between them because they are straight.

There are other people too, but they aren’t really important; plus they are off having too much fun to have any bit of representation in this show.

There’s an evil guy named Whispers who does evil things for whatever reason.  Riley cries because that will have resonance with the audience.  

Max blows shit up because explosions are fun.  

Will defeats Whispers who turns out to be Nomi because she’s in love with Will.  

[homosozialismus]

#ok but is this not how the show is presented anyway

[as-written-by-moffat]

Hello!

This is a satire-ish type blog where I imagine how Moffat would ruin some of my favorite shows and movies.  If you look through the past posts, there is the overriding theme of gross under representation, rampant sexism, the No Homo variety of queerbaiting, and just overall shoddy storytelling.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

Sense8 as Written by Moffat

There’s this guy Will and he can mentally contact other people.  Those other people aren’t really important because Will is our hero.  

Okay fine, you wanna hear about the other people, fine, but remember this is about Will.

There’s Riley, she’s plucky, perky and precocious.  She’s in love with Will because it’s Will.  

Then there’s Max, he’s Will’s sidekick, and there will be no UST between them because they are straight.

There are other people too, but they aren’t really important; plus they are off having too much fun to have any bit of representation in this show.

There’s an evil guy named Whispers who does evil things for whatever reason.  Riley cries because that will have resonance with the audience.  

Max blows shit up because explosions are fun.  

Will defeats Whispers who turns out to be Nomi because she’s in love with Will.  

[as-written-by-moffat]

Steven Universe?

never heard of it, and no, that’s not an invite to send me a billion message about it, like people did with that stupid homestuck.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Avengers 2: Age of Ulton as Written by Moffat

So, I haven’t seen it, but I don’t think that really matters, I know how Moffat works, so here we go with what little I know about the movie (the trailers and what I’ve read about it):

All the Avengers are just sitting around chilling Avenger’s Tower.  Natasha walks in wearing a cute dress and the next 10 minutes of the movie is spent cracking jokes about her dress.  Tony tells her that if she wore dresses more often, she wouldn’t have to be physically aggressive with people .  Thor asks if he can hide Mjlonir in her dress (*WINK WINK*).   Then Steve cracks that the dress is too small to hide anything in (LAUGH PEOPLE ITS FUNNY BECAUSE NATASHA’S DRESS IS SKIMPY).  They all get a big laugh out of, until BLAMMO!!!  Ultron busts in and declares  he’s going to kill everyone and everything because he can.  Ultron then notices Natasha’s dress, and says she’s not dressed appropriately and should change because he can’t conquer the world if he’s distracted by her outfit.  He flies out while blowing things up because explosions are cool to watch.  

Tony tells Steve, Thor and Bruce to get ready to do some avenging, because Ultron is evil and must be stopped.  Tony and Bruce do some crazy science (NOT LIKE THAT, THEY ARE TOTALLY STRAIGHT! THIS ISN’T ORPHAN BLACK), and create Vision to fight Ultron.  Bruce and Natasha do some weird flirting because they’ve always had UST (THEY DID, YOU JUST MISSED IT BECAUSE YOU AREN’T A GOOD FAN.  JUST FUCKING SHIP THEM ALREADY).  Natasha cries because she can’t have children because she put her career first.  Bruce is so mad that she would be infertile that he Hulks out and runs off to destroy Russia.  Nastasha then spends he rest of the movie sulking in the corner because she’s a “monster.”  

The Avengers come across Pietro and Wanda, who are working for Hydra (BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT JEWISH OR ROMANI SO WORKING FOR NAZIS IS TOTALLY LOGICAL).  Steve convinces them to become Avengers after he babbles so nonsensical speech about truth justice and goodness.   Wanda makes a lot of explosions because explosions are cool, and they all go after Ultron.    

There are lots of fast action scenes, explosions and graphics until the final showdown between Tony and Ultron.  Tony kills Ultron by jumping off the top of Avengers Tower.  Then they all go back to Avengers Tower to revel in their win.  Then Natasha admits that she created Ultron because she’s secretly evil (WHICH YOU SHOULD HAVE GUESSED BECAUSE SHE CAN’T HAVE CHILDREN).  Wanda then admits that she used her power to make everyone think the whole MCU franchise happened, so she hits her handy dandy reset button and the end.

[as-written-by-moffat]

I got an ask for Age of Ultron as written by Moffat.  

I have yet to see it, but from what I heard not much would change.  If someone wants to submit something, feel free. 

[as-written-by-moffat]

Happy Valentine's Day!

May your day be filled with marriages for no real reason.  If you get a kiss-o-gram, may they be clever and sassy.  If you’re a lesbian, maybe this will be the year you find the right man.   If you’re a 900 year old alien, remember that kissing is fun, and everyone wants to be kissed by you.  If you’ve jumped off a building, it’s okay, because you can use the big friendly valentine’s day reset button.  If your special someone(s) didn’t get you what you wanted, you can always go back and retcon the whole relationship, because that’s the only way to fix things.

[as-written-by-moffat]

Reblogging this from last year because I'm lazy.