Cumfest 2023 @asariela - Tumblr Blog

Sometimes the reality of the situation hits me and I can’t help but feel despair

Jesus I’m crying now I didn’t realize how much unresolved trauma I still have from my time at the cult. I made friends w so many of those guys, and any time someone left the program early or relapsed after they left you suddenly weren’t allowed to talk about them anymore. To the point my dad would actually get in trouble if anybody at the camp reported they heard me, a child, talking about or asking about someone I was supposed to. People I looked up to and considered friends would just be gone one day and I wasn’t allowed to ask about it. Until they died, and then suddenly it their death was a tool used to beat me and everyone else over the head with. This is what happens when you leave the camp, this is what happens when you don’t follow our teachings. Those deaths were never treated with sorrow or mourning they were only ever a tool. I’d go to church on a Sunday morning and a friend who disappeared a month ago’s death would be the topic of the service that day, about why their way was the only way and any deviation would inevitably lead to a death like my friend’s

God I hope everyone involved in that place fucking rots

Welp looks like my nights ruined :/ I was so excited to talk to her but she just made it such a hostile and uncomfortable environment and even when I told her I was feeling that way she just kept being hostile at every decision I made and now I feel like I’m gonna cry :( I went from being really excited to feeling like shit so quickly

I just probably shouldn’t talk to her about this stuff anymore :((((

darkly-entries

tbgkaru

summer-bound

Ughhhhhhh I know she’s probably so tired and feels really bad rn and at the heart of it I do want her to get her rest but fuck man I feel so shitty I wanted her company so bad rn

I wish I could just tell her how I was feeling but she’s already so distant I’m terrified me opening up will just cause her to pull further away

It’s so hard to act normal when I feel like I’ve got a huge hole in my chest but I know she’s going through it too and probably needs me to be a friend rn

Jesus it hurts though

God I can’t stop crying

She’s so distant these days I went from thinking maybe I had a chance to fix things to feeling like it’s absolutely hopeless

She doesn’t ever communicate anything to me so I have nothing better to go on

In person she seemed borderline repulsed w me several times

Idk I’m definitely feeling the post trip depression but seeing the way she acted in person and having that contextualize our interactions over the last couple of weeks has me feeling a separate sense of abject despair.

It feels like the sun has gone out and will never return. It feels like I took my last breath and my lungs are starting to burn. It feels like I’m sinking underwater and watching the light fade away. It feels like watching my body rot from the outside in and being helpless to stop it. It feels like a cancer diagnosis. It feels terminal. It feels like I’ve looked at something I can never unsee. It feels like I know something I can never unknow. It feels like the taste of metal in my mouth when I’m alone on a dark night and I see something out of the corner of my eye. It feels like the moment you wake up from a nightmare and it all still feels real.

I just wish I could find some comfort

I haven’t wanted to kill myself so bad in a min

ferrousfaerie

my friend picked me up bully style and shoved me in here even after I gave her all my lunch money

pervykitty

heavydirtysoul-deactivated20230

gropedoll

This was going to be a peach post but it’s maybe too stupid so it’s going here, but there is no better feeling than being drunk, having Elon musk levels of k in your system, a beer in 1 pocket, soju in the other, being at one of the biggest fighting game tournaments in the world, and looking at your bois and saying “I’ll catch up with you”

The world truly is my oyster

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