Fighter

This is a blog documenting my abusive relationship with Israel llerena and my healing journey

[aselkulm-blog]

“Emotional distress and fear of harm to his person and loss of property” - My abuser has emotional distress.. is it PTSD of getting abused by you? Flashbacks of getting abused by you? Anxiety? Panic attacks? Crying because you still love them? Emotional distress from abusing and getting exposed.. cry me a river. I have every right to disclose information of my abuse and turmoil, no falsehood needed when you have court uphold-able evidence. - My abuser is in fear of his safety and property, his claim will be that I know how to fight and I come from a fighting gym. You can stop disrespecting my training and my family any time now. - I train with the most respectable and wonderful people ever. You know what happens when they hear that their own was abused? They protect her, offer her shelter, they help her, support her. They don’t retaliate because they are grown ass responsible adults in control of their emotions and actions, not hooligans. Because that’s what mature and responsible adults do, you could learn something 🤷‍♀️. We have a local, regional, international reputation that won’t be tarnished by your claims of fear of safety. - You might claim that you’re afraid because I know how to fight.. you know what happens when a 105lbs woman takes a punch from a 180lbs+ man. She dies. You know what happens when the altercation ends in close combat with you being a purple belt and me being a white belt? Nothing good for me. I don’t even spar with men that much bigger than me because I don’t want to get a concussion or injured, my body physically can’t handle it. Quit playing the victim. Quit disrespecting me, my training, my family. - #thecellargym #fighting #truth

[aselkulm-blog]

ISRAEL LLERENA - If you’re dating Israel llerena and your conversations look like this, RUN BITCH, RUUUUNNNNN!! Part 2 - “Which convo is with your “crazy, delusional, bitter” ex wife and which one is with me, the one you claim to love with all your heart??? ITS THE SAME THING.” - WORD FOR WORD, ACTION FOR ACTION, ABUSE FOR ABUSE, it’s the exact same thing!!! #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

ISRAEL LLERENA (just gonna start off like that so the internet search bots can pick it up) - Which convo is with your “crazy, delusional, bitter” ex wife and which one is with me, the one you claim to love with all your heart??? ITS THE SAME THING. - AAAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAHHHH!! Twilight zone!! - If you’re dating ISRAEL LLERENA and this is what your conversations look like, RUN BITCH, RUUUUUUNN!!!! - He’ll say he didn’t mean it, he loves you with all his heart, he’ll change this time, he swears by it, he’ll apologize for being insecure, for making mistakes, that you mean the whole world to him, he’ll say you’re being mean, you’re the one that’s hurting his feelings. begging you not to leave him, constantly texting you and harassing you about your friends and trying to isolate you. DON’T BELIEVE IT. #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

ISRAEL LLERENA, my love, the man I wanted to marry, this is just a fraction of the messages I received from your ex-wife. I am absolutely disgusted and appalled. I am sick to my stomach, I threw up, I’m shaking, crying, and infuriated. The similarities are uncanny!! You can’t make this shit up! It’s literally how our relationship was! DOWN TO THE LITTLE DETAILS! If you meet a guy who has “a bunch of crazy ex’s”... well idk, man, he’s the only common denominator. You wonder how i or any strong woman could fall for it, because he’s had plenty of practice!!! - ISRAEL LLERENA, i am repeating what I already told you In private. If I EVER hear even a whisper of you abusing another woman again, I will hunt you down, I will make your life a living hell. I’m not intimidated by you. You’ve messed with the wrong woman this time, oh there’s no denying that! 😈 - There’s no denying any of this. You are a repeat abuser. For the love of god, I hope I am the last one. Please, please don’t let there be another woman who has to endure your abuse.. fuck. I feel like like an idiot. Like I followed a script that you wrote with someone else, down to every last line. Don’t you ever abuse another woman again, I promise you, I’ll make you regret it. - 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

ISRAEL LLERENA (the cool thing about using your name publicly on social media is that it shows up on google and social media searches, so in the future, even if she’s not into social media, 100% her loved ones will stalk for her to make sure she’s not wasting her time or is in danger 😉) - I’ve had this tank for many years. In the midst of my abusive relationship with you, I threw this in the bag of things to give away.. that’s how far I strayed away from myself! How much you had me in your grasp.. - You met me when I was injured from a fight, bored, and depressed. You’ve made a terrible mistake because now I’m getting back to the real me, the bad ass, doesn’t take shit from anyone, intelligent, educated, credible, respectable, rational, honest, honorable, fearless, driven, doesn’t back down from anything, Muay Thai fighter me. - I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t get joy from this, i want nothing but the best for you. Nothing would soothe my soul more than to see you get help, for you to be happy with someone and to know that you’re treating her right, that she’s not getting abused. Nothing would infuriate me more than to know that you’ve learned nothing and you’re still abusing!! 😡😡 - Karma and accountability are here for you mi amor!! they come with a face and a name, me, Asel Kulmeshkenova. I will do everything in my power to ensure the safety of other women and that this doesn’t happen again. It cannot happen again!! Try to paint me as the “crazy, manipulative, tormenting, etc etc” ex. like you did with the other women you hurt, play the victim again. It’s not going to work this time! Cats out of the bag, everyone knows the truth. I HAVE to be the last woman you ever abuse. It has to end with me. - 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 - P.S. I still have documentation and backups of everything: all the photos, all the convos, screen shots of deleted messages, you admitting it. etc. If this is ever in question, there is no doubt and no way to spin this off as anything other than what it really is. You’re a multiple time, female abuser. - P.S.S. Way to tell your 3 y/o son on video call that you know mommy is talking to AK. - We’re not intimidated.

[aselkulm-blog]

ISRAEL LLERENA. If you need these things for your relationship, you don’t need that relationship! You need to get the fuck outta there!! Run! - It is physically hard to get out of an abusive relationship. “But you can just leave” no no no, you don’t understand, it is physically hard. Your body is under so much stress, that you deplete yourself, not only of nutrients but also chemically, your adrenal glands are shot. You can’t sleep, the sleep you get is crap, you need sleeping aids/alcohol, you’re constantly exhausted from all the fighting, you need multiple naps throughout the day, you enter into a mild depression, you can’t enjoy the things you usually do, you can’t enjoy time with friends, physical activities (training/lifting for me) are close to impossible, you’re constantly on edge wondering if something triggers them or if they read into something wrong, your immune system weakens so you’re sick every other week, etc. your body can’t recover because it is repeatedly under constant stress and anxiety. You can’t think or function well. And on top of that you actually care for the person and want to see them happy. - The only thing keeping you going are the hormonal highs you get from the “good” times with the person. You literally become addicted to the person because everything else is shit. They treat you awful, make you feel awful, you might be isolated from your friends, you don’t have the energy to do the things you love. You’re compromising yourself for that person because you never have time to recover and that high is the only good feeling. You slowly slip down a slope where you’re too depleted and exhausted to fight and it’s just easier to give in or adjust your otherwise normal behaviors to avoid yet another fight, which really only enables them to chip away at you more and more. It is mentally, emotionally and physically hard, down to the physiological level of nutrients, chemicals, and hormones. What a devastating cycle to be stuck in. It’s not that easy to “just walk away”, it’s a chemical imbalance and you’re malnourished of nutrients. - #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

A selfie because I don’t have to answer to anyone. A selfie because I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am closer to getting back to the real me. - Acceptable: loving, supporting, trusting, respecting your partner. If there should even be a response (trust me, there’s absolutely no need for one): “Look at how beautiful my queen is, yess! Slay. I am proud and lucky to be with you. If you’re feeling yourself and you want to shine, go ahead, do your thing, even if you’re not and you need to express yourself in some way, go ahead. I am secure in myself, in us, I love you, I support you” - Unacceptable: tearing them down, calling them an attention whore. “who are you trying to get attention from?? Don’t I give you enough of my attention? Don’t I tell you you’re beautiful all the time?? Who are you trying to attract. Slut. you need to do that to feel good? Fuck you. Do that with someone else.” - - My response and speech on that is in the photos, because it too much and too hot for insta to handle (and you don’t need to regret clicking “more”) 😂- - 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 - Happy Independence Day 😏💅 🔥❤️🔥 - #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

For anyone who thinks I’m being too bold, I’m disclosing too much, here’s a message i got from a complete stranger. Me being so open and vulnerable, has helped her get through her own process and I can guarantee you she is not the only one. If you think maybe I need to keep some things to myself, then you don’t get the point, THAT IS the problem- people keeping this to themselves and keeping abuse behind closed doors. Y’all thought I was perfectly happy, it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth. This is so hard to come out and talk about because when you do, you feel like an idiot!! No shit what the abuser was doing wasn’t ok, duh, but you’re so emotionally deep in it and you care so much for that person that it’s hard to walk away from. Abuse is depicted as beating someone to a pulp or leaving bruises- that’s a clear one. However, abuse also starts with the small little things here and there that slowly take away pieces of you, like death by 1000 paper cuts. I’m not resentful, spiteful, this isn’t to get back at him, roast him, or hurt him. This is my story to share, but it isn’t about me, this is bigger than me. - - When I exposed him, I lost count of how many people in my own circle reached out to me and said “hey, I’m really sorry this happened to you.. I’ve seen this, I’ve watched it happen to my mother, my sister, my best friend, me. It progressed from small things to him beating her, to him getting drunk and beating us, to her punching me in the face, to him pushing her down the stairs. They tried therapy, they tried counseling. It happened for 4 years, 10 years, 17 years.” It was appalling. Whether you know it or not, i can guarantee you, there is someone in your life that is going through or has gone through this. If me disclosing everything no matter how hard or painful it is, shedding light on the hardship and mental damage of what happens behind closed doors, and screaming it from the rooftops can help a few women find the strength to keep going or to get out of that kind of situation, then I’ll scream until I lose my voice. #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

Coffee meetings ARE NOT DATES. It’s perfectly acceptable and appropriate to have coffee meetings to pursue and discuss business or creative directions and possibilities. In any field!! - Acceptable: loving, supporting, trusting, and respecting your partner. - Unacceptable: making them dismiss or cancel opportunities in their creative field or business because of your own insecurities and implying it’s just an opportunity or there’s intent for infidelity. - I have more to offer than just my looks or my smile. I am good for more than just someone being interested in me. I have a brilliant mind, i have great drive and passion, I am a great designer and illustrator. I bring a lot to the table, but thanks for demeaning me down to nothing but my looks, what’s between my legs, and people trying to sleep with me. - - - - - #fueledmyfire #nowwatchhowbrightiburn #abusiverelationship #dosanddonts #advice #feminist #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #queen #slay #fierce #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #inspiration #strength #fighter #muaythai #martialarts #femalefighter #motivation #realtalk #coffee #business #israelllerena (at Black Dog Cafe)

[aselkulm-blog]

#abusiverelationship #advice #selfhelp #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #queen #slay #fierce #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #inspiration #strength #fighter #muaythai #martialarts #femalefighter #motivation #realtalk #thisisfine #meme #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

I burned everything. You do not get to abuse someone and then get them flowers or gifts to apologize for being an asshole. You do not get to overcompensate by showing “love” when you repeatedly treat them like shit. You do not get to treat them like a queen and then trash them and tare them down. It doesn’t matter if you say but I love you, you’re my whole world, I didn’t mean to do that, that wasn’t my intention, I will never do that again, etc. naaaahh!! if you abuse someone, all of that is bullshit. The only think that matters is what you DO. And if you abuse someone, no amount of “love” or excuses makes up for it. If you love them, you love them, it’s simple. Sometimes it won’t be easy or perfect, but you never cross the boundary of disrespect. - I never wanted gifts. The ONLY thing I ever wanted or asked for was to be loved, respected, trusted, and supported. I’d rather grow old with a wonderful man that can’t lavish me in gifts, but loves me and cherishes me like I’m fresh water in the desert than be with a man who can get me anything I ever wanted or wished for, but treats me like shit and makes me feel worthless. - - - #fueledmyfire #nowwatchhowbrightiburn #abusiverelationship #dosanddonts #advice #selfhelp #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #queen #slay #fierce #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #inspiration #strength #fighter #muaythai #martialarts #femalefighter #motivation #realtalk #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

Even getting a haircut was exhausting.. - Milestone. - Acceptable: loving, supporting, trusting, respecting your partner - Unacceptable: “you’re going to a GUY hair stylist? Are you sure he’s gay? Why do you need a haircut? You look just fine. You don’t need one. Are you sure he’s gay? What if he’s lying? Trust me I know guys. What if he tries to sleep with you? How do you know he’s gay? Well what if he’s just lying? Is he really gay? I’m just being protective. Can I drive you there? Can you text me right after?? What if he hits on you??” - FuuuuhaHahuuck!! - Pretty sure he’s gay.. and even if he wasn’t, he’s not cutting my hair with his dick so chill out and stfu 😤 - What’s the point of committing to someone if you don’t commit to them? What’s the point of investing in something if you’re going to ruin it?? Come on man. It’s all good tho, because now I’m committing and investing in myself and that’s the most important and healthy relationship one ever could and should have 🙌💅 - - #exhausting #fueledmyfire #nowwatchhowbrightiburn #abusiverelationship #dosanddonts #advice #selfhelp #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #queen #slay #fierce #strongwomen #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #inspiration #strength #fighter #muaythai #martialarts #femalefighter #motivation #realtalk #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

I have a scar from you from that night on my ankle.. it’s faint, you can barely see it, but today I wore ankle socks and as I had my foot on my knee and as I stared at it.. I felt disgusted and I cried because I relived that whole night again. #abusiverelationship #advice #selfhelp #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #literature #journaling #queen #slay #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #strongwomen #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

“You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. Fantastic, because I’ve surrounded myself with some phenomenal people ❤️ - Milestone. - I never have to miss another social gathering, birthday, celebration, event, fight, etc. ever again. I can do whatever I want without being ridiculed or guilt tripped, without any fighting, as if me doing something else or being there for other people is a sign of not caring or loving the person I’m with. You cannot focus all your love and attention on one single person and make them your whole entire world. Does that sound romantic? No, that’s not healthy. There’s two people not one, it’s not about just what the one person wants, needs, feels. The things you want to do for yourself are equally as important, it’s not selfish, it’s healthy. - Acceptable: loving, supporting, trusting, respecting your partner.. and their community of friends and people who are important to them - Unacceptable: interrogating them on everyone they’ve talked to and every conversation they’ve had, checking their phone, making jokes or accusations of their friendships or relationships with those people, monitoring the number of friends they have on fb to see if any new connections may threaten the relationship, asking a million questions about the same event, timing them as if they’re on a schedule and wondering why it’s taking so long to come home, accusing them of doing something crazy or inappropriate, not trusting their friends, guilt tripping them if they do want to go or do something, etc. and claiming that all of that is a sign of love and being protective - #abusiverelationship #dosanddonts #advice #selfhelp #relationshipgoals #gettingbacktome #knowyourworth #loveyourself #healing #therapy #journey #queen #slay #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #empoweringwomen #israelllerena

[aselkulm-blog]

Considering the fight camp I didn’t have, this was a good fight. Considering the fighter that I know I am and can be, this was my worst fight. I wasn’t my usual me, I didn’t react as well or listen to my coach. I hesitated and held back a lot because I got flashbacks. The only thing going through my head was “this isn’t as bad”. - When I got the wind knocked out of me, this isn’t as bad as when Israel threw me to the ground and I was left collapsed and crying into the carpet, frozen in fear, heartbreak, and shock that someone I love and someone who claims to love me could do this to me and hurt me this bad yet another time. When my breath was shallow and I couldn’t breathe, this isn’t as bad as the anxiety of another fight with Israel where he lashed out in anger and there was an onslaught of degrading me and calling me a slut/whore, spitting on me, pushing me, trying to trip me. Her strikes were hard, I didn’t block them all, I took a lot of them, but all I kept on thinking was that this isn’t as bad... this isn’t as bad.. - Israel I don’t think you will ever fully comprehend the absolute trauma that you’ve inflicted upon me by emotionally, mentally, and physically abusing me and the long term devastating psychological effects of it. I will have bear the weight of it and the deep scars, even if they heal, for the rest of my life. - Thank you to my whole team for their words of encouragement. I’m blessed to have so many good people around me. I’m ready for another fight ASAP, I’m ready for a real fight camp. I’m ready for more ring therapy, however many fights it takes for me to get back to the real me. Israel’s demons are not welcome in the ring with me, that is MY ring, that’s is MY sacred place! #abusiverelationship #realtalk #fighter #atomweight #tbasanctioning - #Repost @thecellargym with @get_repost ・・・ A very tough and gritty performance by Asel Kulmeshkenova! She had a tough training camp for this tourney, but she still went in there and battled hard for 3 rounds. We are so very proud of her heart, determination, and commitment to her goal. Great job Asel! - [ ] @aselkul13 @thecellargym #thecellargym #muaythai #israelllerena (at TBA Classic - Muay Thai World Expo)

[aselkulm-blog]

#creativeoutlet #poetry #writing #love #fighter #wip #therapy

[aselkulm-blog]

“Let’s punch our problems away” ❤️🙏 I cried, laughed, smiled as I drove into the parking lot and walked into my gym because for the first time in months, I was absolutely free. I knew there would be no questions, no interrogation, or nasty accusations. No “do you like your coach? Is he flirting with you? Are you guys training all alone? I don’t trust him. Are you fucking him? Its not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust them. I’m just being protective. Is anyone hitting on you? ..but really I bet there’s something going on. I didn’t see you in the cellar insta videos, where were you? You’re barely sweating, did you even train? Were you just talking and flirting the whole time? It doesnt take you that long to come home, who were you talking to after class? Who flirted with you? You can’t go training at the beach with your teammates, I know what happens at hidden beach, I don’t trust them” - NO ONE disrespects my family like that! No one. Not ever again. And I’m glad I fought and stood my ground to train and keep on training. I am one of the most loyal, honest, giving people you will ever meet. I will own up to my wrongs and I will jump in front of a bus for anyone. No one disrespects or questions my character, morals, values, or integrity like that. I will disclose a million reasons not to be with you to a million people because that’s what it will take for me to keep away from you, for all of them to keep me straight, because that’s how hard I fell, how hard you had me, how pure my feelings were. Love makes us idiots, and it’s going to take a village to raise and keep this idiot on the right path away from any more toxicity. And I have the best village around! ESTO ES FAMILIA. #family #thecellargym #imback #thisishome #thisiswhereibelong #respect #therapy #healing #israelllerena (at The Cellar Gym)