I can't believe i'm here again

I left tumblr in 2013. Last time i was cringe, this time, i'm still cringe but it's a different flavor.

[baetology]

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

[bumblebeebats]

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

[kangals]

my YouTube algorithm has been showing me a lot of horse racing recently and since the Kentucky derby is today, the last few days all my recommendations have been filled with every middle-ages dudebros podcast about gambling and betting strategies and How To Pick The Real Winner and how to min-max your bet and bla bla bla. Buddy I’ve already got my favorite horsie picked out and it’s because he’s Silly.

[kangals]

reasons i like the horsie Great White:

he's about 6 inches taller and 200lbs heavier than any other horse in the field. big ol honse.

his record kind of sucks and when an interviewer asked his trainer "what do you think [the horse] will need to do to win the derby?' the trainer just said "get a lot better."

the horse was deadset on eating the landscaping shrubbery during the interview

thats all i need, absolutely sold, go get em Great White.

[kangals]

this couldn't have ended any more perfectly

[kangals]

guess which one is great white

[shocklabrynth]

i was taking a picture of this to make a stupid post and my friend lola looked right at me and was like are you taking a photo of that for tumblr? and the cashier overheard and said you still use tumblr? with like audible judgement in their voice and now i feel really fucking humiliated

[earhartsease]

fuck them, live your best life belovèd

[wizardarchetypes]

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

[carolinalaurel]

One summer I was running ferry rides across a lake so people could see the waterfalls without walking 6 miles when a guy snapped my bra strap as he was boarding the boat. So i immediately threw him off, he started yelling for my manager, my boss cheerfully informed him that, yeah, she’s the captain of the boat and she can kick off anyone she wants. He goes to storm off, looks expectantly at his girlfriend, and she just goes, “Well, I’M not walking six miles, Michael! I’ll meet you back at the car!” and sits right back down!!!!

The expression on his face when he was told that he couldn’t get on the boat, then immediately told that his girlfriend was ditching him? PRICELESS. he just blinked at her and then stormed off like a child. I gave her a free hat and was like maybe rethink this relationship…….

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

i once had this fucker come up to order a beer. while i pour it he shows me the wanky fucking chemical structure tattoo on his arm and he’s like “hey. you know what this is” i was like “nah sorry” (never cared abt chemistry in school, plus having to look at a some rando’s pretentious tattoo gives me the douche chills). he decides to respond with “heh. you must not read many books”

i immediately stop pouring his beer. i reply: “heh. you must not want this beer.” thirsty boy immediately starts groveling like a worm “please please no i do want the beer im sorry im sorry” believe me when i say it was one of the most pathetic things ive ever witnessed

[lezbadeez]

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

[lastvalyrian]

I genuinely believe that part of why it has become so normalized to be openly callous and evil in politics is that customer service culture has trained affluent people that they can treat everyone they consider beneath them however they want and still be treated kindly.

[johnnysilverhandssuitcasenuke]

[depsidase]

[stealingpotatoes]

i don't know what older adults were on about when they said being a teenager was good <3

[valtsv]

today i learned that there are cave paintings of bats and i think you all deserve to see them

[kave-elott-ne-szolj-hozzam]

These are from Australia & show a bat that is probably now extinct. The bat depictions were found on a sandstone wall protected by overhangs, near Kalumburu.

[phantomrose96]

I'm very very glad that my knee-jerk, gut-feeling, primal-instinct reaction to seeing a Default Influencer is embarrassment. I think this saves me from a lot of bullshit.

[phantomrose96]

Some lip-filler lady on enough Ozempic to euthanize a horse: "The sad truth is an elite lifestyle takes money and discipline. Buy these brands on credit if you have to. Skip meals."

Me: "Oh. Oh I'm physically experiencing the effects of secondhand embarrassment. You live like this? This is your life? Your interiority? If I was anything like this I'd kill myself I think."

[phantomrose96]

To be clear ☝️, absolutely not gender-exclusive. Some broccoli-haired shirtless 23-year-old man on enough trenbolone to euthanize a different horse starts talking about how to be a high-value male and I start thinking instantly about how I'd have 4,000 slugs use me as a jungle-gym before I'd want this man within cootie-contagion distance of me.

[phantomrose96]

[refuzz]

[phantomrose96]

Respect for my soldiers… she’s saving him… the hons…

[gotylocks]

Happy 10th birthday to the best tweet of all time.

[strawberry-crocodile]

i'd make a joke about "let the HUSBAND giggle under the covers and tell HIS WIFE to put that camera away before dying before HIS WIFE'S story starts" but lets be real he'd still get more fanart

[strawberry-crocodile]

sir do you understand that you are being criticized right now

[tinkerbitch69]

The best thing about tumblr is you can just make a criticism of a very specific person completely unprompted and then that person will appear as if summoned in your notes to prove your point for you.

[ghostly-harmless]

[strawberry-crocodile]

@yogsothoththekeyandthegate LITERALLYYY

[animentality]

[uncomfortablecliche]

i was saying this shit verbatim in 2022 and they put me on antipsychotics

[3000s]

we are in truble

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

[hysteric-boy]

I’m not even horny I’m just jerking off for the serotonin at this point

[power-chords]

[ivafakename-official]

Sexual age regressors are some of the coolest fuckers on the planet, "I like boobs and cartoons and icecream and kissing bigger girls," fuck, me too kid, wanna watch my little pony?