i literally have not touched this in like a year and i dont think anyone who used to followed me uses it either which is good so i just wanna write into the void and use this like an online journal now maybe occasionally.
that being said, even though this year has legitimately fucked me over so fucking badly, like im still currently have legal action on my back from my actual abuser & r*pist, so many great things have happened.
1. i met my second soulmate, she is the love of my life, and we started a business together that i am so incredibly proud of and fulfilled by. within that business i get to work with my other soulmate, and i’m legitimately so excited to help him put out his new album because its so incredibly beautiful and we literally only put out one single and he’s already been asked to go on a national fucking tour !!! i’m so happy about the artists i’m working with and the work i’m doing and the fact that my 2 best friends are such a huge part of it is the cherry on top.
2. i fell in love with so many people this year. romantically, platonically, it’s been incredible. i have a new best friend, i reconnected with my best friend who i had to separate from for a year, i’ve met so many incredible people and made so many wholesome and beautiful friendships and feel so loved.
i also dated a lot of people this year and had a lot of experiences, thankfully they were all pretty amazing. i met someone who i am so genuinely and incredibly in love with, i’m so proud of everything he does and puts out. he can be the most infuriating person in my life sometimes and i think that makes me love him even more in a weird way because i know that if i didnt genuinely care about him so much i would never have stuck around this long. i have never been this in love with someone and felt like i’ve connected with someone more. i also think im falling in love again with this new person i’ve started to see and it’s really nice. i fucking hate dating musicians and they’ve both gone on tour while i’ve been dating them and i hate it. literally this new guy got on a plane to fucking europe for 6 weeks after our first date but made the effort to message me every single day while he was gone. its pretty precious and i love love so much.
3. i started performing again finally. it may just be dj-ing but it’s honestly been so fun and rewarding. i still think im a pretty shit dj and i got a lot of a way to go but i’ve only been doing this for less than a year and i played a show last friday where i was the only female dj in a pool of dudebros and they’ve all been doing this shit for years and even though i fucked up a bit i was still waaaaay better than all those fuckos (according to the promoters and some other people who came up to me after my set). it’s really fun and i love it a lot and being on stage is really cute and daunting and terrifying and exciting. my friend started a chant midway thru my set last week and it was really precious hearing everyone yell out ‘lush puppie’. it’s made me want to start writing music again and i think i’m going to start working on some stuff with my lover because he’s been wanting to jam since our fucking second date which was like march lol so maybe we’ll start some cute new project or something.
4. i’ve filled my home with beautiful people and made it into a really beautiful place. i have never felt comfortable anywhere i’ve lived since i moved out of home up until 2 weeks ago. i’m so fucking happy here.
5. i learnt who my real friends are. lame and corny but the whole sitch that went down a few months ago really showed me who gonna pull thru for me. and it suprised me a lot. both my soulmates were incredible as i expected but i had so much support from places i didnt expect it to come from. so many ex lovers came thru out of the blue, like grant literally made me come over to his house when i was having a panic attack in the green room of the night cat after spending all day in the police station just so he could hold me and tell me i was gonna be okay like less than a week after he got out of hospital again. literally the most selfless person i have ever met and i love him with all my heart. even my brothers best friend who all we do is argue with each other and then hate fuck stayed up all night at his work to research everything about defamation law even though its not his area just so he could me up and tell me i’d be okay.
this year had simultaneously been the best and the worst but i’m soooo fucking thankful for it. i’m happy with where i’m going and what i’m doing and the people who are in my life. i think this year i finally found myself and let myself do what i want and what i need so i can finally love someone and they can love me back genuinely for who i am and not who they think i am when im not allowing myself to be myself. i’m happy with the person i’ve become, im comfortable, i know what im doing and why im doing it, i love that everyone i date calls me a brat (in a cute way) because i fucking deserve to be for a change. i love platonic love, it’s the most important thing to me and it comes above every fucking thing.
