This has to be a cruel joke from the universe, maybe it's his fault he knows better than to let people in, it only gives them the power to hurt you; maybe a punishment for his past sins since there are several he has not atoned for. Why is the man that made Katsuki believe he could be loved announcing that he is in a relationship? with a girl no less.
Being punched in the gut is better than this feeling. A punch no longer hurts after a few hours, you don't have to smile and act happy for the person that punched you because they intended to hurt you.
Izuku never meant to hurt Katsuki. All he did was get a girlfriend.
Bakugou tries to conjure the anger that keeps him warm on the days that the world is too cold. Yelling is the default response to anything and everything that makes him feel weak and scared, but how could he blame Izuku for being happy? What gave Katsuki the right to even be in Izuku's life after everything he has put the nerd through? Getting to see that beautiful smile that lights up the room should be enough, but here is the thing about bad people: they are greedy.
Always wanting more even when he hasn’t earned it, even when he doesn't deserve it.
Katsuki Bakugou was not made for love. He did not do soft affectionate things or tell people how much they mattered for him. That gives them power, it gives them a chance to hurt you, it tells them that you are vulnerable and an easy prey. He was too rough to be soft, too angry to feel anything else and he would happily live the rest of his life this way if it wasn't for this… no, his nerd.
The nerd with curls that are impossibly soft that feels like a gift from heaven every chance he got to touch it; the nerd with green eyes that shine whenever he gets passionate about something, the eyes that also get sharper than a knife when serious; the nerd that has horrible social skills but still manages to get everyone to love him without even trying; the nerd that always puts his all into everything that he touches.
Katsuki never meant for things to go this way, he wants to blame how dying in the war made him soft or gave him a “new appreciation for life” bulshit but no it started to happen before that. The first moment that Bakugou felt his world shift was at ground beta.
Crying in front of people is the most humiliating thing that can happen to a person. The way they look at you, a look of pity like you are inferior or weak like a wounded kitten. Izuku had that look in his eyes that night. How could he not? But there was something else that grabbed at Katsuki's heart and squeezed. After that day he felt himself become softer towards Izuku, he could tell he was losing control.
When Izuku left to be a vigilante on his own was the first time Katsuki felt true desperation. Not that he let anyone know, that would make him weak. No, everyone was worried, he just blended into the class panic.
The time that he truly had to acknowledge that something had changed was when he died.
The brain keeps working when you are dying, it is calming the feeling of everything fading away. People always said your life flashes before your eyes but not really Katsuki saw his childhood hero and Izuku. Why did he think of izuku when he died? Why was Izuku his first concern when he woke up? The fear of not spending more time with the nerd kept him moving, it was the first time anger did not motivate him in a fight something else did.
After the war Katsuki was putty in his hand. Izuku had nightmares, they all did, and sometimes Izuku needed to make sure that Katsuki was still there, alive, and would come to his room just to make sure his heart was still beating. The first few times he didn’t let izuku in, just stood there letting the nerd feel his heart beat with his hand pressed to Katsuki's chest till the nerd calmed down enough to go back to his dorm. Katsuki didn’t want to be weak and admit that those tear stains made him want to hold Izuku tight and never let go, or being too weak to admit, who knows at this point. Eventually the nerd was allowed into Katsuki's room, just till he calmed down. Izuku never tried to push for more time once his breathing slowed and the tears stopped he would apologize and leave the room. A room that now felt too cold without the second body warming it up.
Quickly they went from being acquaintances/rivals to being inseparable. Ever so slowly the several walls that Katsuki had built up to stop others from looking in were gone, slowly he opened up to Izuku and Izuku opened up to him. Nights where the nightmares happened were no longer spent alone, now they were helping each other through them. They talked about everything: fears, hopes, dreams, and nightmares. Slowly Katsuki started to believe he was lovable and worth the effort, he didn’t mean to fall for the person that showed him that.
But he just couldn’t help himself
And what a mistake that was. They were just doing homework and scrolling social media a second ago, back when the world was good and fair. Then Izuku opened his mouth,
“Okay, so, like I'm not supposed to tell people because we agreed not to, right? But I really want to tell you because we are best friends, well at least you are my best friend and I wanted to tell you because it is only fair since I tell you everything. But we aren’t telling people so you can’t tell anyone, well technically you can do whatever you want I can’t tell you want to do, I’m not like your boss or anything. You are your own person and-”
“Just spit it out, why are you so mumbly today?” Izuku only mumbles whenever he is passionate or nervous about something, it is easy to guess which one of the two was the reason today. “Also who the hell is we?”
“Me and Ochaco, we um started dating”
“Oh” Because what do you say when the love of your gay, pathetic, little life tells you he is in a straight relationship? He was not about to cry or beg. Katsuki wasn't going to say that his heart just broke, that is for sure.
“Yeah, we just started dating and it came out of nowhere, like we were just hanging out and she-” Katsuki could not tell you what Izuku said after that because of the ringing in his ear. It is funny how in just a moment your whole world can change, like you can go from being happy with life to wishing the earth would just swallow you whole and kill you.
Oh shit izuku is just staring at him now, what did the nerd just say? Something about dating round cheeks, okay Katsuki lock in say something
“Good for you, I guess, hope you guys are happy together” lying always left a bitter taste in Bakugou's mouth so he stated a half-truth. He does wish that the nerd is happy, he hopes that Izuku never has to go through hardship again and that he can be happy forever
Bakugo Katsuki is not a good person, but he does truly love Izuku and if stepping back and letting him be with someone else, someone less broken and more fit for him than that's okay. He will happily stand back and not ruin Izuku's happiness because if anyone deserves to be happy it is Izuku. The nerd looks so happy talking about his new girlfriend and how excited he is for his first relationship, he is almost glowing with pure joy; it's a beautiful sight, it almost makes up for the fact that Katsuki's world just ended.
This is what Izuku deservers, to be happy
This is what Katsuki deserves, to be miserable
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stormborns
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