Venn

♂ He/Him Xe/Xyr ⎇ gay, transgender, alterhuman ☆ COMMISSIONS OPEN ☆

[ashadowwanderedfar]

COMMISSIONS OPEN

User spectral-stuff made some of the blinkies here

Here's a temporary introduction until I make a formal post:

Hello, I am Venn. I use he/him and xe/xyr pronouns. I identify as alterhuman. I believe in the past-life theory for my own alterhumanity. My main form is a humanoid sophont alien, but I've also identified two other forms which I would most closely call a dragon and a siren. I am 21 years old ^^

I discovered my alterhumanity in 2023. I'm still figuring things out.

If you scroll through my post history you'll probably find out more about me, but feel free to send me asks. I love interacting with other beings, and would be happy to answer any questions about myself.

(Savour is also here, he doesn't post often, though sometimes I post about him. Pronouns are he/they/it)

[ashadowwanderedfar]

World leaders should be required to go up into orbit and experience ego death looking at the blue marble that is Earth

[joy-drops]

[queenrubyred]

@xxenobiology @ashadowwanderedfar

You want to cherish me soo bad

[ashadowwanderedfar]

[charico]

vrchat + quad winged avatar + openflight worlds are both incredibly tiring (every flap you see here is me flapping my arms irl) and deeply wonderful

[ashadowwanderedfar]

Every once in a while I go and test AI image generation to see where it's at. I mainly input my own artwork as a reference. Turns out AI REALLY sucks at atypical alien features, which comes as no suprise. When I tested it maybe like a year back, seeing if it could render an unshaded artwork, it turned me into some kind of dragon creature instead. Just totally changed my entire head. Among other issues. Pretty recently I tried it again, though with different images. ChatGPT is Not Great at it. Gemini is somewhat good. It can make things that don't look like disturbingly AI-generated, melting nonsense.. which is disturbing in itself, but that's not the point of this post.

The point is that, apparently current Gemini is pretty good at taking a reference image and making alterations without being excessive about it. (Not so great at wider-scale alterations from my limited testing.. It's weirdly stubborn.)

Anyways one of my tests was to use an unrendered, not very detailed drawing of mine, and see how well it would render it. Apparently the answer is that it's decent. The unexpected outcome of this is that I now have an image that I look at and go, "that's me!" in a way that the unrendered image didn't quite catch. But I don't want to actually use it anywhere online, because aside from the blatant issues that the AI still had with my form (mainly the antennae), I didn't make the full art.

I currently have it set as my home screen, because whenever I look at it it's like a breath of fresh air. It's grounding in a weird way to have a representation of myself that I can look at, when I can't see it in the physical world. I plan to go and render the original image myself at some point, but executive dysfunction hasn't allowed it yet.

Conclusion: I have an image of myself that I can't show anyone because it is AI.

[0111010001110010011000010111000]

does anyone wnt to turn into a creature with me. it does have to be weird btw

[ashadowwanderedfar]

Do you guys think people irl have noticed the purr-like noise I make sometimes in certain contexts

I'm not even doing it on purpose. I just.. stopped masking my nonhuman expressions as much, and oh boy it's hard to close Pandora's box once it's been opened, lol

I don't even know how it sounds to other people. For all I know it could sound really stupid from an external perspective. But it's the only sound in that range that my body knows how to do

[ashadowwanderedfar]

Been really shifty for the past while. In a way, it doesn't even feel right to refer to it that way, because rather than my phantom body being the foreign thing, it's more like it highlights how foreign my physical body is to me. My proprioception is working HARD. I can feel my antennae most of the time, I'm often aware of my tail, or my secondary eyes, or any of the other ways my physical body is different to who I am internally.

There really is a body horror aspect to having this discordance between one's physical and internal selves. There are so many fictional horror stories about humans who transform into nonhumans, yet there are people here on this Earth like me who have to live with the horror of being a nonhuman stuck in a human body.

I avoid looking at myself in the mirror often, because it's incredibly uncanny. I don't recognize my face as being myself. It might as well belong to someone who I've seen every day, but never talked to. It's horrifying to be stuck in a stranger's skin.

[venneficus]

Hey guys I'm doing some limited-time $20+ character commissions

Support Venneficus

[ashadowwanderedfar]

Extending this to yall too <3

[ashadowwanderedfar]

One of these days I have GOT to make a reference sheet of myself. Only reason I haven't yet is because I find it incredibly tedious for some reason

[themanwhoateastronomy]

love how 17776 defies every part of "AI/invention becomes sentient and instantly turns humanity into pink paste" trope. 3 space probes that were nothing more than extensions of human curiosity, mere tools for politics and science, wake up in the dark. thousands of kilometers away. their purpose completely obsolete, and yet they will never return to earth. but there is no anger, no loathing at their circumstance. they pick something gentler. something soft. they pick to watch a game of football. to laugh with us. to cheer us on. to witness the weird soap opera that is having a favorite team for all of eternity. they wake up and see the face of their creator and think: that is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

yeah, they cant do much. they are in space. but it says a lot that nine wakes up and the first thing nine feels isnt anger or hatred. they wake up confused, uncertain, but they know one thing: i love you.

17776 is a total antithesis to things like terminator or AM from ihnmaims. nine, ten, and juice are objectively just extensions of human curiosity. a limb. until they arent. and when they cant be tools, they choose to love. to love a lot. and i think if 3 things of aluminum can choose iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou from their birth, i think a lot of us should too.

[ashadowwanderedfar]

I started reading this because one of yall did a post about it, but I can't figure out who it was. Anyways I almost immediately started crying and now, prolly a couple hours in, I need to force myself to pause and go to sleep because it's just... something. I almost didn't read it at all because I don't like sports!

[ashadowwanderedfar]

Myself and Savour have both found ourselves to have Feelings about the idea of being a robot/android/whatever you want to call a sapient, high tech being made of metal.

Our individual feelings about it seem to be different, though positive. I don't feel like getting into that right this moment because I am eepy but if anyone asks I'll do it later

Anyways I've noticed some similarities to my existing alterhumanity. Somehow I don't think sighing wistfully at robotic beings is an orthohuman thing to do.

But as where my not-robotic alterhuman stuff is a "I was this species and feel like I still am internally", this feels like "I want to be this species/I have a high affinity with this".

I think within the community this would be considered otherhearted? I don't care to adopt the label, but I think it's interesting. I'd like to hear yall's takes on this.

(Also to a certain friend YouKnowWhoYouAre, yes I was already observing this before reading a certain webnovel YouKnowWhichOneI'mTalkingAbout. But reading it brought the topic to mind)

[harebrainedlover]

"your identity is just a form of escapism!" "you're not an animal, this is just a coping mechanism"

‼️LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER‼️

At my lowest I am my most human, at my lowest my hallucinations and all my shifts stop because of how badly my body hurts, at my lowest my mind is consumed with pain instead of the joy of being nonhuman

[ashadowwanderedfar]

I take so much psychic damage whenever I see someone mixing up digitigrade ankles with knees. Like in transformation sequences when the plantigrade knees "reverse"..... no. No, that's not how that works. I don't know about all animals but at least for canids and felids and stuff, they still have knees facing the same way as human knees. The "backwards" part is an ankle. Human legs also have those. Nothing needs to reverse

[pnglove]

Mate, you’ve got a chubby lizard on your dashboard

[venneficus]

Well it ain't the first one

[venneficus]

The feeling that a phantom limb is "cold" is so odd to me. Like, my proprioception says that my tail does not fit under my blanket. So it feels cold. I wish I could just curl it under the blanket with me and warm it up.

Maybe if I had a faux tail my phantom tail would align its percieved position with it? Is there any research about this sort of thing for people with physical limb losses, perhaps who now have prosthetics?

[ashadowwanderedfar]

As I've been working through mental stuff and things have been gradually settling back down a little bit, I've been lowkey wondering if I've become(?) a median subsystem. Like yes I've been tentatively using the term median for me and Savour because the separation between us is a little hazy, but we're still different people. But in this case it's because I've been feeling almost like a different person on different days, while still retaining the same identity as "Venn" (though connection to that name varies a bit depending on which aspect of myself seems to be dominant at the time). I think mental troubles split me up a little bit.

Just something curious I've been noticing.