Little warm up drabble... tried to incorporate that White is very much so still very selfish/self-centred and very much not a good person (she shatters at the slight hint of imperfections or wrong doing, and also hurts those around her to feel something at their despair or sadness or hurt), but is still in an abusive environment.
She is not a good person YET. She is not our Pearl YET.
Adjective. A descriptive word, particularly to describe meeting desired qualities, elements and characteristics.
It can also be a verb, one that means; absolute.
White Diamond was made to be perfect. She formed with all three Diamonds essence and is, physically and fundamentally, perfect.
But the thing is, something Pink, Yellow and Blue did not account for, was that being Perfect was strung into the fine webs of her core. She was made with the intent to be Perfect with the will of three Diamonds, so she was.
Pink blamed her for what happened.
White… isn't quite sure why. It was an accident. She was sorry— is sorry. She feels sad, and not Blue’s sadness but her own. Dulled down, as if only sad on the surface. It was an accident, she told herself. Repeated it over and over in her head.
She should not have been standing too close to her. It is her own fault.
Pink was always so emotional. But she didn't like when she let that thought slip out. She lashes out at White's weaknesses, spitting them out with dripping distaste.
But, White has been getting better at masking. When the sting and burn within her core begins due to her failure to comply to her programming, she locks her face and allows her eyes to tense. She folds her hands behind her back to hide their shaking.
Yes, it hurts emotionally to be called ‘not Perfect’.
But the pain of going against her programming, of its punishment, was worse.
An unfortunate side effect of locking her face, although, is that sometimes her lips freeze in a grimace. On its own, that's fine, but when Pink is there?
She pounces on that weak spot. Like she wants her to hurt. In all likelihood, after the ‘Accident’, she might just.
White does not acknowledge the remorse on Pink’s face whenever she turns away after berating her, after triggering her programming. If she actually felt remorse, then surely she wouldn't do it again. But she does.
Surely Pink, as one of the three highest Diamonds in the Authority, would not let ever emotions get the better of her.
But that's fine. And it will always be fine. Because she can cope. It's easy to stop the sting-burn-pain when she's alone in her room.
There, she can clutch her gem, pull her body close, knees to her chest, wrapping arms around her torso. There, she let the tears fall, alone, as she repeats her saving grace. Her mantra.
I am perfect I am grace I am absolute I am perfect I am perfect–
After a long enough period of time, when White herself starts to believe it too, when her programming has slowly been convinced, the pain stops. She can relax. Though her hands shake, shake, shake.
They always shake. It's one of her ‘main give aways’, Pink had once said, back when they were close. They just shook like an erupting planet, whether or not she was happy, sad or even–
Yeah. It was just a part of her. One day though, she will stamp it out, and become even more perfect. She is happy for that day.
Lately though, Pink has begun to believe that White’s attitude has gotten worse, which is odd because she was trying to be better. More Perfect. Especially after the ‘incident’.
She had made a tower for her, she says. An incentive to be better, she says. It's in construction, she says.
White is not too sure. She sees the empty smile on her face directed at her more and more, but her sweet, soft and comforting ones are still always dealt out to Blue and Yellow. She does not glance at her in remorse as often, a flash of guilt in her eyes.
She thinks that Pink does not like her anymore. Actually, she's almost quite sure of it, but just doesn't understand why.
She curls around herself more, in a protective stance. It's pointless, as she can't protect herself from her own emotions, but it makes her feel just that little bit better.
And sometimes she cannot help but think to herself bitterly…
She does not feel absolute, or Perfect, but she knows she has to be.
She just doesn't know why anymore.
