Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
#extradirty
Color Me Curious
KIROKAZE
todays bird
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
oozey mess
YOU ARE THE REASON
Product Placement
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
official daine visual archive
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Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
Sade Olutola
if i look back, i am lost
EXPECTATIONS
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Origami Around
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@ashleighstfu-blog
What the hell is happening here? I don’t. He’s just… We’re just friends. He’s not- he doesn’t- Jesus. What the fuck? Stop. Stop laughing! Holy shit. It’s not funny. You suck.
It’s kind of funny. You should be laughing too. And tragic. Your best friend? Wow.
I will add ‘cute’ to the list of things I cannot call you, then. Which is now a very long list. Hm, you’re not the only one that thinks so, actually. Maybe I should start taking note of that. Wait, what? No. I don’t- i’m not… You’re way off base. Carter’s… He’s just… I don’t- Shut up. And wipe that smile off your face. I just… Shut up. Damn it.
And we’ve only been talking for a couple of minutes. Astounding. Oh, you should see your own face. Did I get one up on you? That felt good. Carter, yeah? I’m gonna keep an eye out.
Ah, well, you do you. What’s wrong with ‘cute’? I think cute is a good thing, but alright. I am a dick, we’ve established that. It seems to be a recurring theme here, actually. Hey! That’s not nice. I deserve those nachos. My best friend did wha- uh. He, um. Does he… screw- no, he, um. Huh? Oh, you mean- no. Not usually. We all mess about, but he’s a good guy. He’s very sweet, actually. He’s- uh, hm. What was the question again?
Cute is just all kinds of bad. I don’t like it. And yes you are, I’m going to say it multiple times. I think you need to be taken down a couple of pegs. Whoa - I just meant is he as much of a douchebag as the curly one. But I get it now. You fancy him, if the bewildered dumb as fuck look on your face is anything to go by.
Ah. The bitter taste of rejection. Nothing new, though. I understand. Why don’t you have friends? Who d’you call when you need to go out and get shitfaced? Hey! I apologised about the kissing, too. And I meant it. Though I’m not sorry about calling you cute, I still stand by that. Your angry face is just adorable, truly. Not a hint of sarcasm to be detected, nope. Hm, the little bastard. My nachos, in my apartment. With my… best friend. Damn it.
Because I don’t. We can’t all be social butterflies, having friends who eat our food, and shit. You should be sorry, ‘cute’ isn’t a word I hear directed at me a lot... you’re such a dick! I’m glad your friend is eating your nachos. Sounds like your best friend kind of screwed you too. Does he do that a lot?
That is a spectacular idea. I’m Jess, would you perhaps like to be my new friend? I’m guessing not, but it’s worth a try? Hmm, yeah. Sorry about that. It was probably kinda rude, but I figured you’d be going off for a while so I had to keep myself busy. And yeah, hey, whatever floats your boat I guess?
Hi, Jess. You know what, I think I’ll pass. I don’t really have friends, and I wouldn’t like to make you my first. Oh, so that you’re sorry about? Jesus. What we’ve learned today is that it’s not you, so that’s the important thing. Your friend is gone from the window, by the way. Probably eating your nachos.
Oh, undoubtedly. The shittest. Shittiest? Jesus fuck. That’s true! I’m always dicking about, so we’re sure to cross paths. I swear to be on my best behaviour around you though. Or, not really, actually. That’s a shitty lie. Uhhh, yeah. He’s giving it to me now, actually. See? Oh, ignore those texts about my dick. It is impressive, but I understand you’re not interested, so.
You should invest in some new friends. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver on, though. I’ll just have to avoid you when I’m heading in and out. I do see. I wondered why you were texting all the way through my yelling. And ugh. You literally wouldn’t believe how uninterested I am.
Alright, your loss. You might be bored later and wish you’d decked that handsome bastard that tried kissing you. And yes, he is. Not enough of a friend to come down here and save my ass, but I think I’ll keep him. He’s trying to give me the ‘don’t speak to strangers’ talk, or something.
I’m sure you’ll give me another reason to want to deck you later. A bit of a shit friend then, hm? Besides, we’re not technically strangers. We’re neighbours. So I’m sure I’ll see you dicking about in the hallway again at some point. He ever give you the ‘don’t snog your neighbour’ speech?
See! I’m not a total piece of shit. You can keep going if you want, we’ve got an audience. Look up, see that curly haired bastard at the window? Yep. You could make it really dramatic, maybe hit me if you’re feeling it?
Just a little bit of a shit. Either way, I’ll conserve my energy, if that’s alright with you. I might need to shout at another bellend later. He a friend of yours? The curly haired bastard?
Ashleigh. Got it. I’d tell you my name, only I think I kinda ruined any chance of you giving a shit, right? No more sarcasm. Noted. I’m sorry! I am. Really, truly. I didn’t mean to offend you. I thought it’d be funny, or something. But I was wrong. And I won’t do it again. I’m not trying to piss you off, okay?
Oh. Right... okay. Well. I wasn’t actually expecting an apology. You’ve kind of ruined the angry stream of thought I had going.
No to bitch, and no to kitten. Got it. What can I call you? Ooh, and a no to kissing. Right, gotcha. I get it, alright? I repent, or whatever. I will never kiss you ever again, and I will tuck my dick between my legs if you so wish, but if you’re gonna beat my ass could you get on with it? I’m missing out on some serious nacho time right now.
You can call me Ashleigh. Which, surprise, surprise, is my name. A definitive no on the kissing. When you apologise to women in the future for harassing them, you could also try dialling down the sarcasm. I’m not gonna hit you. I’m just letting you know, the next girl might. And probably will. And, Jesus fuck, you really don’t give a shit, do you? You could at least spit out a ‘sorry’ that I know is probably buried underneath all that shitty fuckboy bravado.
Ooohhh, the bitch bites. Ouch! No, okay, you’re right, I shouldn’t have just kissed you. I’m sorry, alright? But you are cute, kitten. And, well, I won’t correct you about the blonde bimbos, but I do think that kissing is an art form in itself. Next time I’ll give you a heads up, alright?
You’re not allowed to call me a bitch. There’s a maximum of three people who are allowed to call me a bitch and get away with it, and you’re not one of them. And don’t... don’t fucking call me kitten! There won’t be a next time. Because next time you feel the urge to kiss someone you don’t know, someone who is not fucking attracted to you, by the way, you’re gonna tuck your dick between your legs and promptly fuck off in the other direction. Because next time, a so-called bitch is going to give you a physical fucking beatdown as opposed to a verbal one. Kapeesh?
I mean, probably. Jeez, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to upset you. You just had a little ketchup on your face and you looked so darn cute! Uhh, no hard feelings, yeah?
I am not cute. Even if I was, that doesn’t mean you can go around fucking kissing strangers. I’m sure that works really well on the braindead blonde bimbos that attend lectures for whatever dumbfuck arts major you’re doing, but it doesn’t work on me. I have hard feelings. A lot of them.
Hey, stand still, gorgeous. You have a little something right there on your lip… Lemme just get that for you, yeah?
Are you fucking mentally deficient?
Eliza Taylor attending the ‘San Diego Comic Con’ (July 22, 2016).
Well that’s just ridiculous? People should tell you that more often, uh… shit. What’s your name? I didn’t ask. Dierks, um, yep. I dunno why. He’s just my boyfriend who I watch crappy lifetime movies for. Yup! “Bitchy, tragic lead” is actually what I have written on my business cards.
Ashleigh. I don’t know yours, either. Maybe I heard his name floating around the building, everyone knows everyone’s business here. That’s perfect. I’m sure you don’t even need your name on there.
Uh, duh. Is that ok? You are cute, you must know that. Ugh, true. They’re so corny. I tried watching one for Dierks, uh, my boyfriend, but I fell asleep about 20 minutes into it so I must have missed the part where there the bitchy, tragic lead got her happy ending.
I don’t hear that much. So no, I didn’t really know. Dierks? Why does that sound so annoyingly familiar? Hey, the bitchy, tragic lead! That’s you.
I understand that, it pains me too so I shouldn’t have made such a tragic mistake. I’m so sorry. You’re too cute to be straight. Huh, yeah? I’ll keep an eye out for hot Germans. Like, in a way that’s not gonna get me in any trouble. Yeah, well, I’m good at screwing shit up. Like you said, lifetime movie, right? Those’re normally unnecessarily dramatic, aren’t they?
Did you just call me... cute? I don’t know how that would get you in trouble. But like you said, fucking lifetime movie. Not that I’ve ever made it the full way through one of those. Not to sound fake deep but they usually work out. So, there’s something to look forward to.
