Life is a beautiful struggle.♥ @ashleynkern - Tumblr Blog

defineyourgrind

BOTD: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

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ashleynkern

Life is hard and rough but when you work hard and give something your best, the end result is worth all the struggle.

Holding a Grudge Only Causes More Hurt

Today is my wonderful godson’s third birthday! It is a day for celebration, of course, but also, I realized it is the day that I need to forgive. In the last year, the relationship between my godson’s mom and I has been a little rocky. With me trying to finish school, applying to grad school, and working full-time, it made it hard for me to always drive to Kentucky to visit as much as I would have liked. I still tried to talk to her and be there for her as much as I could but there would be moments when I hadn’t contacted her in a week or two and she would get upset and delete me out of her life. This happened on multiple occasions and would really hurt me because I didn’t want to lose her or my godson and it also put even more stress on me. She would always come back and apologize and I’d forgive her and we’d be good again for a while. The last time however, was different.

At the beginning of March, my uncle passed away. It was very hard on me and my family and I turned to my friends for comfort. While talking to my godson’s mom about everything, I mentioned that I received a message from someone who used to be my best friend but had decided she didn’t want to be friends anymore and the friendship ended on a bad note. This person had contacted me because she had heard about my uncle and knew him but I had a lot of mixed emotions about talking to her. I turned to my godson’s mom but when I did, she exploded and honestly I’m not really sure why. She said a lot of hurtful things and deleted me from her life again, in a moment when I really needed her. I tried to contact her a few times with no luck. She finally decided to talk to me a couple weeks later and apologize. I “forgave” her, but in reality, I knew that I was still hurt by her actions.

Because of this hurt, I have pulled away. I don’t want to keep having a friend who continues to leave and come back into my life. We still talk here and there but I don’t initiate conversation and I haven’t seen her in a very long time and haven’t made the effort to do so. In return, I also haven’t seen my godson. That is the harsh reality that I realized today. Today is his birthday and I can barely remember the last time I saw him. Holding onto this grudge has done nothing but stop me from seeing my godson. Holding onto this grudge has affected him when he had nothing to do with the problem.

I feel like a terrible godmom because I haven’t been in his life. And for what? Because I was upset with his mom? That’s not fair to him. I’m upset because his mom keeps walking out of my life but what did I do by holding onto this grudge? I walked out on his. Realizing that today broke my heart and I won’t be that person. So today, I let go, for him. Today, I forgive.

#godson #birthday #handsome #forgiveness #old grudges #godmom #baby #toddler

defineyourgrind

Recommended Reading: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

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ashleynkern

Words to live by.<3

defineyourgrind

Recommended Reading: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Get 2 FREE Audiobooks From Audible

ashleynkern

This speaks volumes to me! My childhood was rough and I’ve seen and known many people who grew up in the same environment as I did who made decisions that kept them on that same path to repeat the cycle. I decided to live differently! I chose to walk down a different path and break the cycle! Never think you can’t have more! Never think that you don’t have a choice over your life! You can do anything and everything you want if you believe in yourself, work hard, and never let the environment you are/were in stop you!

#work hard #play hard #be more #don't stop believing #inspirational

Life Doesn’t Always Go According To Plan.

Almost two months ago, I graduated from college and I realized that for the first time, I am not 100% sure where my life is going, which terrifies me. Don’t get me wrong, I do have a plan and I know what I want to do, but the road to get there is a little foggy right now.

Let me take you back to a year ago. I was ending my forth year in college and there was no end in sight. I was a secondary education major with the plan to one day be an English teacher. I wanted to be a teacher ever since I was a first grader and when it came to finally going to college and picking what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, “teacher” was the only thing that sounded appealing. So I declared myself an education major and spent the next four years dragging through classes, working myself to death, and trying to convince myself I’d be happy once I was actually a teacher.

In the middle of my fourth year, I accepted a new job with my campus where I helped and coordinated New Student Orientations. After being an orientation leader for the last three years, I figured it would be a fun job and that it would look good on a resume. I never expected to fall completely in love with it! I had never felt so passionate and excited about a job before. Right before the semester ended, I had to come to the realization that I had spent the last four years pursuing a degree for a job that I did not want. Of course, I freaked out, a lot, but with the help of some really amazing mentors and my wonderful adviser, I changed my major to English and finally had a graduation date; May 2016. The next year was full of cramming four semesters of Spanish in, working full-time, studying like crazy for classes and the GRE, and applying to graduate school for my dream career in Student Affairs.

Now, before I continue, a big thing you must know about me is that I HATE change. It gives me major anxiety and I don’t know how to always handle it. When it came to looking at graduate schools, I quickly realized there was only one school in my area. The thought of having to move at least three hours away from everything and everyone I knew was too much for me to think about so I decided to take a risk and apply to only the school in my area. Not having a back up plan is very out of character for me but I couldn’t process having to move somewhere so unfamiliar in just a few short months. I wasn’t ready for that.

Unfortunately, in April, I received my rejection letter from the one graduate program I applied to. Of course I was crushed. It made me doubt myself completely and I wasn’t sure what the next step was for me. My passion, however, was untouched. Student Affairs is where I belong. It is what I was born to do and I will make it!

So here I am. Taking a year off of school while I figure out where on the map I am going and learning to be happy about that. I have had an amazing support system full of love and encouraging words through my last year of struggle and this blog is going to be place for me to put my fears, dreams, worries, and excitement and everything in between. I am determined to get into a graduate program and make something of myself and I know if I believe I can do it, I will!