it’s just us & the world.

[asillygirll]

hug, hold & kiss them

Have you ever loved someone so much

that you don’t know what to do?

you decide that you want to tell them

& you don’t because

you don’t want

To scare them off.

You wanna hug, hold, and kiss them.

you want to be by their side

all the damn time.

you just can’t get mad at them,

no matter how crazy they make you feel.

you just can’t get them

out of your mind.

They make you want to do

crazy things;

like be a better person,

go out on crazy adventures,

& so so much more.

But at the same time

those things

make you scared out of your mind

cause they make you realize that

you that you can’t live without them.

& that’s why

you don’t hug, hold

& kiss them.

you don’t tell them you love them.

instead you just stand there

& stare.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #37 ( 02 october 2018 10:17)

[asillygirll]

my emotions,,

i am controlled by them.

my emotions tend to

take me places

where I feel as if

I cannot

lift a finger.

They drag me.

They pull me.

And I let them.

- t.a. // an excerpt of a book i'll never write #37 (17:53 monday august 13, 2018)

[asillygirll]

permission to hurt,

my love.

permission to bleed,

my love.

permission to draw this blade upon myself,

my love.

permission to cry,

my love.

please, just say,

“permission granted”.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #35

14:29 10 june 2018

[asillygirll]

it’s been a while

since i’ve seen you’re

contagious smile.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #34

[asillygirll]

perspective

others call ‘him’ a man

i call him 

a monster.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33

15:36 4 june 2018

[asillygirll]

calm yourself

i was coming at a peace but i forgot that you're a wave, coming, crashing back.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #32

[asillygirll]

why

why must you tare me down? are you trying to find my soul? i no longer have one. why must you open my heart? are you trying to read my mind? you'll only get lost trying. why must you say those harsh words? are you trying to prove something? the harsher they become the more i don't understand.

you know, i now realize those words were always there. i just could never hear them. those tools you held, they were always meant for me. i just couldn't see through them. those hands were always tingling. i just could never think of the reason. the signs were always there, i just never bothered to notice.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #31

[asillygirll]

i think

i’ve figured it out.

i think

i’ve solved the big question.

you

care.

but why?

why am i asking?

why do i want to know?

it's cause i know

that you

don’t actually love me.

like i love you.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i'll never write #30

[asillygirll]

don’t

damn it.

you keep on coming back.

the boy with the kind eyes

the boy with the contagious smile.

stop!

stay right there.

don’t

come closer.

don’t

let me continue to stare.

because every time i stare

my mind goes wild,

my stomach starts lurching,

my body can’t move.

the entire time

i’m thinking

about how much

i love you.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #29

[asillygirll]

hey you

yes

yes you right there

yes you with the contagious smile

yes you with those chocolate brown captivating eyes

yes you with the waffle curled hair

yes you.

you.

i just wanted you

to know

you bring out the light in me

you help me stay away from all the darkness

you bring out my infrequent smile

you help me stay on my toes

so i want to say

thank you

& goodbye.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #28

[asillygirll]

unfinished

we curiously spoke

we rushed forward

looking at each other.

he laughed

and i waited..

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #27

[asillygirll]

lately.

you’ve been tapping my shoulder

and every time, my heart beats faster.

i then turn around and see your goofy smiley

i can’t help but smile too.

i just hope this isn’t a dream.

- t.a // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #26

[asillygirll]

big brother.

i asked you for help on my biology homework.

you didn’t answer, your door stayed shut.

i went to the dinning room table, trying to finish it

and after 30 minutes you came out.

i still didn’t understand.

i turned my head, hopeful you came out to finally help me.

but no.

you came out for ice cream.

you didn’t even look over

at your little sister.

i wouldn’t even dare asking you for help again, such as how you didn’t dare to look at my face.

he’s a coward.

and so am i.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #25

[asillygirll]

you asked me how i was doing,

and with that my heart speed up.

my ears grew hot,

cheeks bright red.

oh dear,

please make it stop.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #24

[asillygirll]

my mother

only cares about my looks,

and not my emotional health.

it sucks

cause i know,

i’m not the only one

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #23

[asillygirll]

cry.

sleep.

repeat.

[asillygirll]

i wanna run away,

just for a day.

- t.a. // an excerpt from a book i’ll never write #22