[ashleymacleanblog]

Just because I want to give somebody my all, that doesn’t mean that they deserve that type of love from me.

NOTE TO SELF (via ashleymacleanblog)

[ashleymacleanblog]

on most days your name will mean nothing to me but there still are many days where your name means  everything

and it still hurts. (via ashleymacleanblog)

[ask-ashley-advice]

HOW YOUR SUICIDE WILL AFFECT OTHERS.

When I was 16 I swallowed 3 bottles of extra strength pills in my school bathroom because I simply didn’t want to live anymore and I was tired, just so very tired. I couldn’t walk down the halls without being stared at and talked about because the school football team posted things about me online and eventually the rest of the bystanders joined in the harassment. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about, I’m here to talk about how the aftermath of your suicide will affect others in a way that you would never understand. Because you thought no one cared, but they did. So, here’s my story.  I will never forget the look on my parents faces when they had to sit back and watch their little girl almost die from uncontrollable seizures. They had tear stained eyes and puffy cheeks. But what fucks me up the most was seeing my dad cry. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry twice. The first time was at his mothers funeral, and the second time was when I tried to end my life. One of the responding fire fighters was a coach from one of my sport teams. And for a fearless man who ran into burning homes as a job, he couldn’t move from the corner of the room because the successful athlete he watched grow up was dying in front of his eyes. My 2 best friends experienced the hardest part. They were the ones who found my limp unconscious body slouched up against the bathroom stall. They were the ones who had to be physically torn from my side because they didn’t want to let go of my hand. And to this day, they still have nightmares about that morning like it was yesterday. A girl from my school who had also tried to take her own life earlier in the year showed up at hospital bed and gave me the biggest hug. She cried as she tried to explain how great life is, that image is still stuck in my head. You see, it’s not about how many people will give a shit if you die. It’s about the ones who would, and how bad it would fuck them up for the rest of their lives. People care, and they always will. Suicide isn’t the cure to sadness. 

[ask-ashley-advice]

IF YOU’RE THINKING OF SUICIDE

On May 16th 2015 I tried to kill myself by swallowing 3 bottles of pills and it was the biggest mistake of my life. You’ve got one shot, and this is it. I know your world may be confusing and extremely hard right now but the chaos is worth living through, I promise. Nobody can predict the future, but I know for a fact that the overwhelming sadness buried deep inside your chest will fade away to nothing and one day you will be happy. You will love life so much. I know it’s hard to see the light when you’re surrounded by darkness but I swear to you that it’s there, you get closer to it everyday that you wake up and give life another try. No pain lasts forever, and your worst days only last 24 hours. Your life is precious, don't ever think its not. Please keep fighting, take it day by day.

[ask-ashley-advice]

PLEASE READ IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING.

I’d like to start off by telling you that you’re not alone. And I know, that’s the oldest line in the book, but I mean it, I really do. Because so many people are going through very similar experiences like yours right now and I know that this is hard, I know that you’re in a dark place, and I know that you’re struggling more than you can even put into words. But please believe me when I say there are lot’s of people who understand your pain. Maybe it’s not the people who you wish would understand, but I can promise you, there are people who get it. You can get through this. You are strong and this is just an obstacle that you will overcome. I have so much faith in you, and you are strong enough to make it through these tough times.