Ask History's Greatest Innkeeper

ed teach | he/him | 🥰 proud boyfriend 🥰 | small business owner | used to do other stuff | ask me anything

[ask-edward-teach]

Heeey~

I'm Ed Teach, benefit from my years of experience by asking me anything.

[ask-edward-teach]

hey ed i have a present for you: https://www.tumblr.com/babykittenteach/766039915755683840/hi-i-made-an-ed-picrew-and-you-can-play-with-it

Holy shit, mate!! That's so fucking cool!

I can make so many fucking mes!!!!

[ask-edward-teach]

Any advice for how to minimise how often I need to crouch/kneel? My knees seem to have aged faster than the rest of me, and while they still mostly work they are starting to cross the border between "stiff" and "painful" when it comes to standing up from a crouch or from kneeling.

If you have a super hot and sweet (and creative) boyfriend, he can help you out by adjusting for things you'd otherwise need to kneel for AND with massages after your joints have decided to be shit because you knelt anyway.

I mean, you can probably do that stuff on your own too, but the boyfriend part makes it way better.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Is Ed cute

Is Ed-- is-- Is Ed cute?? Is Ed CUTE?? Does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Is summer inevitably followed by fall? Does water freeze into ice? Do dogs bark and cats meow? Does the humble bumblebee turn nectar into honey? Do children grow up and leave the nest? Do humans breathe? Does time keep moving forward? Does my love for Edward grow day by day until one day it will be too large for the universe?

[ask-edward-teach]

Awwww, baaabe.

🥹🥹🥹

[ask-stede-bonnet]

You could always make Wolf a skateboard with some nice all terrain wheels!

If I taught Wolf how to skateboard she'd become cooler than me :(

[ask-edward-teach]

No offense, babe, but Wolf's already cooler than both of us probably.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

She's not cooler than you.

[ask-edward-teach]

Maaaaybe, but she's pretty fuckin cool. She'll get there one day.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Maybe I shouldn't add studs to the tiny leather collar I got her. Or maybe I should and just accept she's much cooler than I'll ever be 😂

[ask-edward-teach]

Some things you just can't fight, babe.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

You could always make Wolf a skateboard with some nice all terrain wheels!

If I taught Wolf how to skateboard she'd become cooler than me :(

[ask-edward-teach]

No offense, babe, but Wolf's already cooler than both of us probably.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

She's not cooler than you.

[ask-edward-teach]

Maaaaybe, but she's pretty fuckin cool. She'll get there one day.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Would you ever consider wearing a skirt/ dress?

Hm... I'm not sure. It sounds interesting in theory. I like those skirts that flutter out when you spin around, but I'd probably just look a bit ridiculous...

[ask-edward-teach]

With YOUR legs?!?!? Love...are you fucking kidding me?????

You'd look fantastic in any skirt, the flutterier, the better!!!

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Oh... well, um... thank you. Maybe we could get me a skirt. If you ever see one you think I'd look good in, or something.

[ask-edward-teach]

This one blog @skirtsedshouldgetdonein has a LOT of nice shit. 😘

You pick some and I'll pick some. 😏

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Would you ever consider wearing a skirt/ dress?

Hm... I'm not sure. It sounds interesting in theory. I like those skirts that flutter out when you spin around, but I'd probably just look a bit ridiculous...

[ask-edward-teach]

With YOUR legs?!?!? Love...are you fucking kidding me?????

You'd look fantastic in any skirt, the flutterier, the better!!!

[ask-stede-bonnet]

You could always make Wolf a skateboard with some nice all terrain wheels!

If I taught Wolf how to skateboard she'd become cooler than me :(

[ask-edward-teach]

No offense, babe, but Wolf's already cooler than both of us probably.

[ask-calico-jack]

U are have more stupid

-Stede

I'm smart enough to know that if this was you you'd just at me on your main account @ask-stede-bonnet

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Well u are have more stupid. So there.

[ask-calico-jack]

Well u are have the most stupid

[ask-stede-bonnet]

U are have the most stupid times a million.

[ask-calico-jack]

Well u are have the most stupid times infinity and also u r have the most moron and idiot.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Yeah well u are have the the most nitwit and dullard and dumb and u are have a noron. Not a single ron in that head.

[ask-edward-teach]

Are...are you two all right? 🤨

[ask-stede-bonnet]

We're just fucking around, darling. I saw a post that reminded me of him.

[ask-edward-teach]

Oh, this is one of those things I need to look at more posts to understand, then? Gotcha, babe.

[ask-calico-jack]

U are have more stupid

-Stede

I'm smart enough to know that if this was you you'd just at me on your main account @ask-stede-bonnet

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Well u are have more stupid. So there.

[ask-calico-jack]

Well u are have the most stupid

[ask-stede-bonnet]

U are have the most stupid times a million.

[ask-calico-jack]

Well u are have the most stupid times infinity and also u r have the most moron and idiot.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Yeah well u are have the the most nitwit and dullard and dumb and u are have a noron. Not a single ron in that head.

[ask-edward-teach]

Are...are you two all right? 🤨

[ask-edward-teach]

Has nature on land (i.e. wildlife and plants and mud etc.) become more bearable for you now that you've had some time to get used to it? (In general, obviously. Not expecting you to adjust to spiders. And nobody stays calm if a snake falls on their head.)

I've gotten used to a lot of things on land, but land nature still fucking sucks mostly. 🤷🏽

[ask-edward-teach]

Happy birthday Angel here is a tiara for you to wear on your special day

Fuckin SWEET. Thanks, mate!

Babe, look, it even has little butterflies and shit on it! @ask-stede-bonnet

[ask-edward-teach]

Happy birthday!

Thanks, mate!

[ask-edward-teach]

Happy birthday! Hope you didn't have to spend it sorting out storm damage.

Nah. I spent it in much more fun ways. Thanks!

[ask-edward-teach]

I figured out a better placement for the memorial tattoo (I remembered I still have the shirt with badly-mended claw holes in the back of one shoulder from where something startled her into bolting, which gives me a good indication of where her front paws used to rest whenever she stood up on my arm so I could walk around and get on with stuff without having to stop cuddling her). Bit restricted on placements because they have to be easy to cover up (without my parents getting suspicious) but also easy to show off (without getting arrested and/or hypothermia).

Guess I have to buy more moisturiser... I already use "repair" conditioner though, will that do?

Thank you very much for all the advice!

Glad you figured out the right spot!

Anything that keeps it from drying out is good. Don't let anyone sell you any snake oil though, mate.

[ask-edward-teach]

Hope you're having no trouble stocking up the inn ready for winter!

Only about three weeks left until you can gather shellfish again; are you looking forward to it?

We're good, anon! We have plenty of stores already set to go.

And yeah, I DO love shellfish. 😋