Herbert P. Bear, Esquire

Want to know more about the #1 evil genius here on this miserable island? Then ask away, my fowl foes! (run by http://probablyok1.tumblr.com)

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Herbert's List of Very Important Rules

(Before asking anything on this blog, you MUST read the following rules. Asks that don't adhere to my guidelines will be ignored.)

1. Bigotry is NOT permitted on this page. I may be evil, but I'm not a monster. Any asks that feature racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist, or other prejudice behavior will earn you a block from my page.

2. NSFW/18+ asks are not allowed. The minion who operates this blog is a minor, and is made very uncomfortable with such questions.

3. Be paitent when waiting for your question to be answered. I'm a very busy genius, and thus your questions may not always be answered right away.

4. Roleplay asks / asks from your own characters are allowed, but please send them as you would send any ask. For example;

"Herbert, is it really true that you're a genius?

-Hubert P. Enguin"

5. Swearing IS permitted, but the use of slurs is not. This ties into my rule about bigotry. While the use of swearing is fine, I know many with sailor's tongues, using slurs as well as derogatory words such as "whore" or "slut" is not allowed.

6. This should go without saying, but I can and will be rude to you all. I make it very clear that I detest penguins, so do not witch hunt my minion if I respond to you in a way you don't appreciate.

7. You are welcome to send your fanart and other such things to me. I always appreciate it when my minions put their creativity to good use!

8. I do not answer any questions romantically, whether it be about self-shipping or shipping me with my friends and/or foes. It's understandable why some may feel this way about me, and I'm truly flattered, but I will always keep my answers strictly platonic.

9. Absolutely NO EPF agents are aloud on this blog, so scram!

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

(OUT OF CHARACTER) AN UPDATE

Hey. I know this probably wasn't the post you all were hoping for, but after a lot of thought, I think it's time to put this blog on an indefinite hiatus. My interest in Club Penguin has been waning over the past few months, and its getting more difficult to keep this blog up and running with that lack of motivation. I'm not sure when this blog will be back to posting, but for now, expect me to be MIA for a while. I'm sorry, guys.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Hey Hi Hello okay dumb question BUT....

Do you want to be tumblr mutuals?

-Noire @noire-transmissions

"Mutuals"? As in mutual friends? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one!

Wait- don't tell me you're serious. Why on earth would I want to be mutual friends with an infernal agent such as yourself? Hmph. The day I befriend an elite penguin fool will be the day hell freezes over.

As the kids would say, FRIEND REQUEST DENIED.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Mr. B. Pear, what do you think of birds which aren't penguins? Are there any of them that you like?

I feel a complete, burning indifference about any other bird species that I have met. None of them are quite as obnoxious as you pestering penguins (although THAT would be a feat to accomplish), but I don't feel any strong admirations either. Not one bird of flight has been on my ever increasing list of foes (thus far), so if any puffins or seagulls or what have you are reading this, I'd take this as an honor.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

God. Need I remind everyone that the agency was supposed to be, you know. A secret. I mean really, I don't think that a single one of their endeavors have been hidden because when they strike they're so loud and proud... The creation of Protobot wrecked the island, the shoddy replacement to the Sports Shop was so obviously a front, penguins would "whisper" for a postcard out in town... And then they just gave up! Everyone who so much as walked in the door got to be an agent and everyone knew it existed... What's the point of a secret agency then? Might as well just call it the government... But the penguins wanted to play pretend, like they always do. For everything She has done... She has done a terrible job at hiding it.

I'd have to agree with you. For a group that goes around touting how stealthy they are, those agents really aren't sly, are they? Not to mention how they're always flashing those badges as though it's some metal of honor! I'm glad to see at least one of you has the common sense to see through their half-effort ruse.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Hey Herbert hope you and Klutzy are doing well!

I am curious how exactly do you feel about the multiverse theory? Also I hope you and Klutzy had a good Halloween well as good as it can get for ya.

The Gremlin

-Princess Artsey Randomness

The multiverse theory? It's entirely plausible, based on what Schrodinger has taught us (other than that he's a lousy pet sitter!) I don't feel strongly about it, though, as fretting about multiverses won't make this wretched island any less frigid.

Hmm... that makes me wonder about what my life would have been like in a parallel universe... Perhaps, by some miracle, there's one set of events where I never even learned of you bothersome birds. One can only dream.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

What is your opinion on the supernatural? Like ghosts, demons, etc.?

Do you expect me to believe in all of that tinfoil hat nonsense? Honestly, I thought that you penguins would have learned by now that I am no fool. I don't believe in spooks or spirits of any kind! Hmph. Next time, ask me a question worth answering.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Hey welcome back, Herbert! Sorry if this is a bit invasive, but what’s your sleep schedule like? I’ve seen the bags under your eyes in some photos, and…I’ve begun wondering if you actually sleep at all.

Of course I sleep! Everyone knows it is necessary to get some amount of sleep to function. That is why I get 2-3 hours on average each night. Perhaps some of you lazy penguins might consider that too short a sleep cycle, but it proves sufficient.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

So many penguins breaking the No EPF Agents rule. Rude honestly.

Precicely! Rules are meant to be followed! Why these bothersome birds can't get that through their thick skulls is beyond me! Those agents certainly have some nerve...

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Hey, did you know they make little pocket reusable handwarmers? I know they're not enough compared to living somewhere warm but maybe they'd be good in the meantime.

Those flimsy little hand warmers can barely fit my paws, so they are entirely useless to me. I'd much rather warm myself up the intelligent way- by making this miserable island my very own paradise.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

In regards to my previous ask, would you rather side with the evil business robots known as Cogs, or the bears, cats, dogs and other creatures that populate Toontown?

P.S. (There's no Penguins in Toontown, and it's pretty warm, aside from the Brrrgh)

Who's to say I would take a side at all? I'd rather not waste my breath playing for a team that will only drag me down. I'm my own bear, thank you very much.

So it is warm there? Hmm... perhaps I should look further into this so called "Toontown"....

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Herbert do you do anything special for your or Klutzy birthday?

Doing something special for our birthdays? Who do you take me for, one of those irksome penguins? The only achievements Klutzy and I celebrate are our victories against those extremely pestiferous foes of ours! I hardly think its worth wasting time throwing anual festivities for something as simple as being birthed. Hmph.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Perhaps when they're cleaning up the fair, you can go in and grab a few things... if there were any metal prizes this year, well, you could always use a bit more scrap- and it's not like they would give out the prizes again the following year... what harm is there in trying to take some of the equipment?

It's funny you mention that, anon, I always lift a few bits and pieces from the fair, I've been doing so for years! Great minds think alike, I suppose. Though greater minds think of those ideas much sooner.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Klutzy, I appreciate you!!!! You're the sweetest crab in the world and work so hard for Herbert... you deserve more respect than you get. You've become a master at mechanics alongside Herbert, and using your claws delicately enough to not snip anything accidentally... you are an excellent asset, and an even better friend! Isn't that right, Herbert?

Click a click?? ☆o☆ clickety click clack click!! ^^

Yes, I suppose what you said is correct. Klutzy is a valuable asset. However I don't appreciate my minions being coddled, so ease up on the endless compliments. Or at the very least direct some towards me instead.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

I understand Klutzy is a gamer but... Are you a gamer too? Do you... Play anything together? I know penguin games probably aren't the best but in terms of couch co-op... If there's a controller that works with both of your appendages it may be a fun time!

I have no time to sit around mashing buttons all day! I'm a very busy genius, it would be a waste of my many talents to devote myself to something as silly as a video game. So no, I am not a "gamer", nor do I ever intend to be one.

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Do you have any tips for not bawling your eyes out due to overstimulation during one of their stupid penguin sporting events? I too do not care for sports and wish to let as little of that cheering hit my ears as possible... And, if you have any experience with that... What do you do if a stray ball enters your area, and the noise with it comes at full force?

I understand your frustrations, anon. It's nearly impossible to deal with those meddlesome ball players and their fans, with their raucous shouting and whatnot. But you know what I find spoils any sporting event? Bringing a superweapon onto the playing field! Anything will do, from a dome of silence to an ice melting lazer, so I implore you to be creative. Once their day (or night) has been ruined, you can guarantee you won't have to deal with any more obnoxious noise! MWUAHAHAHAHA!

[ask-herbert-p-bear]

Greetings Mr P. Bear. I just have one question for you

Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?

Believe it or not, this is not the first time one of you pestering penguins has asked such a question.