MERASMUS ARRIVES ON A TIDE OF BLOOD!

THIS BLOG OF ELDRICH HORROR IS OWNED BY MERASMUS HIMSELF, WITH TRANSLATIONS FROM THE OLD TONGUE BY TUMBLR USERS TF2-ROBOTIC-BOOGALOO AND GSPPCROCKS10

[ask-merasmus]

Merasmus! Where on earth have you been? The entire fandom has been looking for you! Nice tattoos by the way.

After soldiers fancy “respawn” proved difficult to overcome a year ago, I slipped into the shadows, hoping hiding with the right people and a few good illusion tricks would do some good.

[ask-merasmus]

NO THE TATTOO ISN'T MEANT TO REPRESENT GOOD FEELINGS FOR SOLDIER LOOK THE ANGLER FISH IS EATING THE ICON IT MEANS THAT SOLDIER MUST DIE DO NOT TAKE IT ANY OTHER WAY FOOLISH MORTALS

[ask-merasmus]

who said i was dead

Wait why are you Merasmus FOOL THAT URL CAN ONLY BELONG TO THE TRUE MERASMUS I'll trade you "monoculus.tumblr.com" and a key for it. Please.

[ask-merasmus]

DING DONG PING PONG MERASMUS IS DEAD

Not yet mortal... Give it a few days... The haunting hour is nearly upon you, after all...

[ask-merasmus]

so if you were to pick a rival besides soldier, who would it be?

His so-called "teammates".

Especially that damned Australian. Sniper, was it? He's the one who uses those accursed arrows, right? Damn him to hell.

[ask-merasmus]

Oh man, so Gray got to you then? How's being a robot treating you?

LOADING ADVERTISEMENTS/WITTY/PUNS 001.GP3

BEING A ROBOT IS THE GREY-TEST! BUY OUR HATS! BUY OUR HATS! BUY OUR HATS! OR I'LL STEAL YOUR SOUL! AND MAKE IT A HAT!

[ask-merasmus]

OH GOD THEY GOT THE MOST AWESOME WIZARD EVER! *CRIES INTO OBLIVION*

~~BEEP~ LOADING ADVERTISEMENT 00983.GP3

GREY ROBOTICS TECHNOLOGIES- PROVIDING ONLY THE FINEST ROBOTIC REPLICAS SINCE 197X

[ask-merasmus]

~~CRRK~~ MERAS-BOT UNIT 001 READY FOR OPERATION

CURRENT MISSION- DESTROY SOLDIER

SECONDARY MISSION- DESTROY ALL MERCENARIES

LOADING merasmOS...

LOADING

LOADING

[ask-merasmus]

God dammit Merasmus stop taking drug!

~~BZZT~~ THERE BE NO MORE MERASMUS

NOW THERE IS ONLY MERAS-BOT. ~~BZZT~~

BUY HATS YE MORTAL ORGANICS ~~BEEP BOOP~~

[ask-merasmus]

!!!! Merasmus! You're back!

 I felt bored and, against my best judgement, decided to return to your pitiful souls once more.

[ask-merasmus]

Heavy want big wand. Heavy will give wish for big wand.

That's a... surprisingly good deal, for an obese Russian fairy.

I'll conjure up a staff for you, and the wish I would like granted is complete dominion over YOUR SOUL.

Thank you.

[ask-merasmus]

Ah, Merasmus! How's life going for you? How's Soldier? When are you going to leave us alone? Sorry for the multiple questions... but I was just wondering.

Life was going fine until you people showed up.

I haven't seen him in a few days. I've finally got some peace. Well... for the most part. *glowers*

LEAVEYOU ALONE?! NEVER! SOLDIER SHOULD NOT HAVE INCURRED MY INFINITE WRATH! I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE UNTIL YOUR BODIES HAVE BEEN GROUND TO NAUGHT BUT DUST AND YOUR SOULS ARE MINE TO COMMAND!

[ask-merasmus]

That greyfaced hussie back there was lyin' to ya. Heh, Solly ain't got no girlfriend. *starts unclipping overalls* Which room was his again?

HA! I KNEW IT. SHE MUST PAY FOR SUCH DECEPTION! NO ONE LIES TO MERASMUS THE MAGICIAN!

Oh, um... down the hall, first on the left. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to hunt down a greyface. *storms off*

[ask-merasmus]

Can u twerk it merazzy

... Twerk? Merasmus the Wizard has no time for such infidelity!

[ask-merasmus]

Do you think Ol' Nick will come as the next boss next Christmas? And, do you think he wold be as powerful as you?

NO ONE IS AS POWERFUL AS MERASMUS THE MAGICIAN!

[ask-merasmus]

So what's your full name sir?

Merasmus the Magician.

[ask-merasmus]

i havn't slept in 8 days could you put a sleep spell on me if i give you this home made apple pie?

... Yes, I suppose that is an acceptable fee. REMCYCLEUS SLUMBERNO!