Ask Pauli Amorous

A place devoted to discussion of all things related to love and sex, inclusive of all genders (and lack thereof), orientations (and lack thereof), and interpersonal relationship styles.

[ask-pauli-amorous]

An anonymous ask reads as follows:

My parents know about my boyfriend, but not my girlfriend (they know her, but they think we are just friends). I'd really like to bring up the fact that I'm with two people, but I'm really scared they won't understand and they'll think I'm cheating on my boyfriend or something (I'm 17, btw). The funny thing is, I didn't have nearly as much difficulty when I told them I am bisexual...

There is currently a lot more awareness of bisexuality than of polyamory, so it makes sense that this is harder to talk with them about. Be prepared for your parents to conflate bisexuality with polyamory, even if only briefly, as they begin to wrap their heads around this. Methods of coming out to parents which I have seen people utilize:

Writing a long, heartfelt letter on very nice paper. This person used this method because he and his mother had trained together in calligraphy, and he knew that if he used calligraphy in his letter, she would understand how important it was to him.

Letting the parents know ahead of time, one-on-one, that you have multiple partners and that everyone involved would like to meet them, and then having a family meeting for the parents to really have a chance to start to get to know the previously unknown partners.

Bringing the established partner with them to tell the parents, then bringing in the other partner(s) to meet the parents after they were able to read the parents' reactions and make sure it was safe.

The very fact that you are 17 means that your parents will give less weight to your words than they will when you are in your mid-20s. You may face some misunderstanding and bad assumptions. These things - if they do occur - will fade over time as they see firsthand what your relationships are all about. If you don't mind that, then don't let it stop you coming out (just like the bisexuality). If you do mind that, then you might want to hesitate. I am personally a big fan of the bring-all-the-partners-over method. It makes sense to let your parents know ahead of time that you have something important to talk with them about, so they can be ready. It also makes sense to let them see first hand like that how comfortable both of your partners are with the other one's role in your life. I leave you with these questions to consider in your choices:

Do both of your partners feel comfortable with you telling your parents?

Do they actively desire you to be out to your parents?

Do you want to tell your parents?

If you do decide to come out, how will you go about doing it in a way that is compassionate towards everyone involved?

[in-catz-we-trust]

why cant more people realize this?

[recoveryisbeautiful]

this spoke to me

[timothydelaghetto-deactivated20]

Mothafuckin PREACH

[paris2london]

[ask-pauli-amorous]

It is perhaps wisest to bring that up prior to this person becoming a partner. I typically find that simply living honestly so it's no secret that needs to be divulged is the best way to go about it, but not everyone is or can be so blunt. If you're really nervous about what that person might think, try mentioning casual stories about your friends' poly relationships. You can use that to gauge where they're coming from.

[tulipnight]

[aelfcynn]

May you find exactly what you want at the thrift shop, in your price range, next time you’re there.

[writetheworldfree]

can’t pass up this kinda karma

[iridessence]

and in your size

[thewhaleridingvulcan-deactivate]

Pls YES

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportuity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.

Rae Smith (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[text-mode]

The Morris worm or Internet worm of November 2, 1988 was one of the first computer worms distributed via the Internet. It was written by a student at Cornell University, Robert Tappan Morris, and launched on November 2, 1988 from MIT.

[pyronoid-d-deactivated20181217]

It’s trapped on a floppy tho this is some dark shit it has been denied its purpose forever bound to this obsolete storage

[smolmzd-deactivated20150612]

am i glad it’s in there and we’re out here

[undergroundmonorail]

people reading fantasy novels ask “why did the ancient ones seal the evil away for ten thousand years instead of just killing it” but then we go ahead and do this shit

[be-good-do-good]

[bandaidonlycoversthebullethole-]

I’m afraid to go through with this PTSD treatment because I worry if I ‘get over it’ it means the trauma wasn’t a big deal. Holding on to it keeps it a memorial to the pain. I can’t move on.

[ask-pauli-amorous]

In my personal experience, "getting over PTSD" does not mean the trauma wasn't a big deal. It means that the trauma doesn't stop you from living your life to its fullest. It means you can be completely present and in the moment, or fully devote your mind to planning for the future. It means you can choose to think about the trauma whenever you wish, but you don't have to. It means you remember everything, but it doesn't keep hurting you over and over again.

[oswednesday]

trans people taking testosterone need to drink orange juice cause testosterone weakens your immune system!! trans people taking estrogen need to drink milk cause estrogen causes calcium to be absorbed less

[spaceviral-archive-deactivated2]

If you’re lactose intolerant you can eat nuts and if you’re allergic to oranges, most other fruits have vitamin c. If fruits aren’t an option, there’s also vitamin c supplements.

[notalwaysluminous]

Good info. Pass it on.

[ask-pauli-amorous]

Too much orange juice weakens your immune system. Milk does not actually help your bones according to recent studies. Please seek medical advice from the same doctor prescribing your hormones rather than from Tumblr posts. Tumblr is a place well-known for its complete lack of fact checking. Be safe. Look somewhere else for information.

[maraudere]

Josh Thomas talks about male suicide

[poppypicklesticks-blog]

I wonder how feminists will react to this

Probably ignore it then go back to making male tears mugs and gifs 

[spiderkiss]

Actually this is a very common idea among feminists

It’s something feminists have been talking about for years it’s called toxic masculinity and it’s one of the common threads among the topic of ‘Patriarchy hurts men too’. If fact the first time I read about toxic masculinity was on a feminist blog.

If you actually read things feminists talk about instead of straw manning them you might know this but OH WELL

[paintchipsfromthewall]

i talk about the dangers of toxic masculinity all the fucking time

[profeminist]

TW for suicide

[dionysus-lion]

what the hell, deconstructing the narratives and expectations of masculinity is central to feminist thought bruh

[ask-pauli-amorous]

Doc: What brings you in today?

Me: These antibiotics I got last week are almost gone, but this staph infection isn't.

Doc: *peers at me under super bright light*

Doc: This really looks like herpes to me. I want to test the fluids from the newest part where it's still spreading. We'd get results in a couple of days. How does that sound?

Me: Actually testing it? Yes, that sounds great. Thank you! Does that test tell Type 1 versus Type 2 if it comes back positive?

Doc: *pause*

Doc: I…I do believe they will grow it out to tell the type if the culture comes back positive.

Me: Excellent.

Doc: It doesn't really matter though.

Me: Sure it does. My partners need to know what they are consenting to if they are going to kiss me.

Doc: They're both infectious.

Me: Yes. But I have a partner with HSV1 who doesn't want to be exposed to HSV2, for example.

Doc, with a grin and a nod: Okay.

Sometimes I think doctors really don't want to test for type because they think it will somehow make people less responsible. Personally, I'd like to drown that line of thought in the same bucket as abstinence-only sex education.

[nolongersilkbox]

Which are you? A) Male B) Female C) Unicorn

D) I’m a hypothetical teapot suspended in in orbit somewhere between mars and earth.

[profeminist]

With One Single Word, President Obama Just Made History at the State of the Union

President Obama just made history by mentioning one single word: transgender. 

"Although this is long overdue, it’s an important — albeit symbolic — historic first. No other living President of the United States has ever made mention of those who are transgender in a State of the Union speech. He also referenced bisexual Americans, something that has also never been done in a State of the Union. Social media was quick to applaud the President’s choice of words.”

Read the full piece here, including why “while this is a important step in the right direction, it’s not nearly enough.”

[ask-pauli-amorous]

Highly Unlikely

I'm talking to someone who doesn't know I'm in a polyamorous relationship.

Person: ...It's important to value what you have. I mean, if he starts liking someone else and leaves you, that would suck.

Me: True, but that's pretty unlikely.

Person: It's possible though.

Me: *smiles to myself* Yeah, but also unlikely.

[damselflier]

wing team

[ask-pauli-amorous]

It’s like that term “wing man,” except that it applies when there are more than just one person helping someone out in efforts to connect with some…