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m/a closed - 50+ asks in inbox

[ask-teamplayer]

Darin, why do you like Fate so much?

[ask-teamplayer]

TeamPlayer's first anniversary was yesterday, here's the celebratory Goldenrose art I made for it!

[ask-teamplayer]

Seth, tell us a joke!

SETH: hold on, let me pull up 102 funny one-liners that will get you laughing - best hilarious jokes. i love breaking this out at parties!

SETH: in fact i always have a tab open just for stuff like this.

FATE: (What gates of hell have you just opened.)

SETH: did you hear they arrested the devil? they got him on possession!!!!!!

SETH:

SETH: no that wasnt funny. let me scroll down.

SETH: uhhh.

FATE: (Lord, I feel my IQ bleeding out of my ears. I'm losing braincells just listening to this. I can't handle this. It's unbearable constant and merciless, its grip freezes me with dread down to my bones. I would prefer death to the cold. I can't take this anymore- this is the thing that will finally drive me off the edge.)

SETH: aww little buddy, what are you mumbling about? youre not usually so quiet!

SETH: i understand if the one liners are so funny you need to sit out.

SETH: oh ive got one! some men say that they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off their circulation-

FATE: (Why would you do this to me? Why would you condemn me to this life of eternal suffering?)

FATE: (Is he still going? I think I'm going deaf. It's all going dark now. I need to end this ask- you're going to hear this for hours. I will shoulder the weight of this burden on your behalf.)

FATE: (Goodbye. It was never meant to be.)

[ask-teamplayer]

Ronin, lift Enzo up with your magic!

ENZO: i cant. hes a hundred pounds too heavy. id get a headache.

ENZO: ass too fat 💔

RONIN: are you kidding? you have literally no ass. its just bones. there is nothing to speak of.

RONIN: your ass is from the second dimension. you look like you got your design "fixed" by an annoying fourteen year old twitter artist. if you fell down people could use you like a sidewalk. there is nothing to cushion you. youd fall on your ass and all of the bones would SHATTER.

ENZO: ah i see

ENZO: youve been looking

RONIN: im going to hit you, e.

RONIN: laugh at my one liners.

ENZO: i thought they were pretty good

ENZO: and youre right but idk if you can speak on it when you dont have anything better because at least i have muscles and you are ACTUALLY built like a living skeleton

ENZO: if you tried to pick me up your arms would hurt for hours dude i wouldnt recommend it

RONIN: yes. with my arms.

[ask-teamplayer]

*Comes thorough the window* to wide

Your gay

WADE: Don't call me fat.

LUIS: Theres nothing wrong with it!!!!

LUIS: Its just a little rude haha he didnt mean it like that.

WADE: Luis.

WADE: Don't overcompensate out of anxiety. I always say exactly what I mean. It's pretty obvious I didn't mean that, dude.

LUIS: Sorry, sorry!

WADE: Nothing to apologize for, I'm not upset with you.

LUIS: Well, now im gonna think of it every time i try to explain myself for anything augghh!

LUIS: This is your fault you handsome devilish fiend!

WADE: Oh no, silly me.

[ask-teamplayer]

who in the group has a pair of ugg boots

FATE: I would disown anyone if they wore ugg boots.

LILY: are you really gonna disrespect the lyrics of the best song ever flo rida low???? its how i personally choose my wardrobe when i dress up, its important!!! its the peak of music!!!

FATE: I think I've given up on understanding half of the shit you say. Just know if you come up to me wearing ugg boots I'm cutting you off forever.

LILY: the apple bottom jeans song.

FATE: Bitch the peak of music??? Have you lost your fucking marbles????

LILY: says the guy who listens to exclusively penelope scott :3

FATE: SHE SPEAKS TO ME.

[ask-teamplayer]

Enzo I dare you to ask fate out

FATE: I would kick him in the balls.

ENZO: he would kick me in the balls

FATE: Hard enough to invert them. He'd never be able to have children.

ENZO: so true

ENZO: it would be a religious experience my soul would temporarily leave my body and i would see heavens gate for just a moment before i got grounded back down to the world i would feel the agony course through my whole body

ENZO: i would walk funny for weeks and i would deserve it

ENZO: anyways the flirting is funny we laugh at it its just kind of the part of the routine and all that but joke asking someone out is actually kind of rude and i dont wanna do that to people

ENZO: its happened to me before its really never anything but uncomfortable

[ask-teamplayer]

Luis isn't Zoey such a baddie

LUIS: I think she is quite a dignified and responsible young lady!

LUIS: She certainly has her life pinned down more than i do and that is something to be commended.

[ask-teamplayer]

Author: What are your favorite ships

// i think seth and fate should kiss under the moonlight after a dramatic love confession and then marry and grow old together forever. i think about lyrerose constantly. it haunts my every waking moment. i am deeply deeply obsessed with them and their dynamic and all the angst around it, and i think they should make out nastily and symbolically. they're like orpheus and eurydice. they're red and blue, they're childhood friends, optimist and pessimist, they're everything to me. it's the ultimate teamplayer ship, the only one that i get emo about when i think about it too hard. they mean everything to me, all of the symbolism and all of the lore and backstory and their deep devotion to each other. you've only gotten tastes of the complexities in their dynamic- they are the doomed yaoi trope people joke about on twitter. they are gentle and passionate. they think about the other ceaselessly and worship each other. it's hard to say when the love really started, but you know at least one of them is deep in it's trenches and they refuse to claw their way out. they ride the tides of admiration and they welcome the opportunity to drown. seth held fate in his darkest and most terrifying moments, where he thought he would shatter apart without those arms around him- held him like he was fragile, and precious, and in the moment fate's world was in the gentle hand in his.

// i also like fate x enzo i think its cute

[ask-teamplayer]

Darin. How did you amass such a Way with words? I am positively Bewildered by every other word that comes out of your mouth and yet I am also Enraptured by them at the same time. You speak with such cadence I can’t be sure whether you rehearse this or if you are a master of improv. I wish to know more

DARIN: wgat

[ask-teamplayer]

Darin youre a little boykisser arent you

FATE: ...

FATE: You know I have a discord server with my friends, right? We text pretty much constantly, although I have to admit it's mostly just me and Lily.

FATE: So we have a memes chat. Let me just sort Darin's username by sent images. Here we are!

FATE:

DARIN: MY SECRET

[ask-teamplayer]

Dawin. I was talking about the Baldi bdsm porn comic with the broom :,)

DARIN: OH

DARIN: okay yea different situation

DARIN: his name is gotta sweep and hes my hubby an we make passionate love every night when my parents sleep

DARIN: we do all kinds of eighteen plus shit in the night an legends say if you listen you can hear his cries of GOTTA SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP comin from the FUCKIN distance

DARIN: nahla an i were content on sharin him but times have changed so we aint poly w that broom anymore its just me an him against the world

DARIN: (i aint ever played baldis basics)

[ask-teamplayer]

To darin

I've been sent to give the ultimate Huggies you will not run because I will trap you in the best of Huggies you think you can run the Huggies will always find you

DARIN: why give me a widdowe huggy wuggy when you could gimme your dicky wicky you manstud wink wink

VERA: Darin

DARIN: when,,,

DARIN: did you

DARIN: uhhhhh,

DARIN: get here

[ask-teamplayer]

Zoey, what do you think about Enzo

ZOEY: who lmao

ZOEY: kitty im gonna b honest unless you give me the school yearbook from last yr im not gonna know who youre talking abt

ZOEY: im sure hes nice tho! unless ur talkign about one of the new freshman in #THAT group

[ask-teamplayer]

Fate what's your Favoret thing in the whole world

FATE: The dull monotony I experience in highschool creates a thirst that can only be quenched by slowburn gay fanfiction that only updates every three years with chapters that are over ten thousand words long. Much, much longer.

FATE: I like optimist x pessimist ships. Red and blue. I'm sure it's a matter of projection. You know why. Shush.

FATE: ...For the record, I also love my friends. They come second to gay fanfiction, but those losers mean the world to me.

FATE: Someone fucking has to, because clearly not a single one of them has a parental figure in their life that's taught them emotional honesty!

FATE: I'm sure Nahla would rather vomit blood and die before she admits she cares about me, but I care about her, and I would give the world to see her happy, and I try to let her know that at least biweekly!

NAHLA: LAAAAAAME.

FATE: You are one of my oldest, dearest friends and you are not responsible for what happened and I don't hold any of it against you and I love you very much.

NAHLA: Cringe.

[ask-teamplayer]

// anon who's sending all the weird sexually charged asks im ip blocking you. Stop.

[ask-teamplayer]

Fate, I once knew a kid who also bit a teacher in school, he used to sit under the desk and draw, I don't remember his name though.

FATE: It's a pretty normal thing for kits to do, but I've bitten some of the school faculty recently. We're all pretty sharp-toothed, but the full set of fangs I have like a shark is a genetic trait, and I got that one from my mom. It's my best mode of self defense.

FATE: Anyways, if you ever see that kid, tell him he has my respect. If I wasn't considered too old for acting out I'd be sitting under my desk and drawing too. Maybe he had it figured out.