❝and you pray that everything will be okay while you’re making all the same mistakes❞
(In which Roman reunites the band that ruined his life.)
au playlist || run by mod b and mod m
every time 😔 every time i come to this inbox and i ask my little questions, and i am rebuffed 😔 my answers explain nothing and as I usually talk to janus then I have come to expect such from them 😔 but now 😔 now roman is doing it 😔😔😔 it was a yes or no question 😔 and yet somehow he has twirled his answer into something that is neither 😔 please i just want to know things 😔😔😔 (/dramatic)
What's the story with Janus and Roman? It sounds like maybe Roman cheated?
“no information about their relationship or lack thereof was ever disclosed to the public and as long as those two can manage to remain civil in public, we all intend to keep it that way.”
“So… What should we practice first?” asks Virgil, looping his guitar strap around his body. He fiddles with the tuning pegs of his bass absently as looks around the studio.
“Um,” Roman clears his throat. He asks, more than says, “I have a song?”
“I’m sure it’s a masterpiece,” Janus scoffs. They roll their eyes, and Roman can feel their glare from behind the drum set. “But I have a better song.”
“How do you know it’s better?” Roman does his best to sound impartial, but his hurt seeps into his words. “You haven’t even heard mine.”
“Because, Reyes, everything I do is better than you,” they shrug. “And I sent the song to the others so they actually know it, instead of showing up to a rehearsal and expecting everyone to want to play my song.”
“Are you trying to make me look like a fool?”
“I don’t have to try, you self-centred, arrogant—“
“Alright, okay, that’s enough!” Logan cuts in. His hands fly up between the ex-lovers, as if his physical barrier would stop the verbal argument. “If you two are going to bicker like children, maybe we should abandon this.”
“No!” Roman shouts, a little too quick and too loud. “No. I can… I can be civilized, as long as they promise to not insult me every chance they get.”
“Janus?” Logan looks at them expectantly.
“Sure, whatever,” Janus shrugs. “Let’s get going on the song.”
“That was fun!” Remus giggles. “Maybe next time someone can throw a punch!”
“No,” the other four say in unison, to everyone’s collective shock.
“Roman, take a seat,” Logan instructs after the moment passes. “We’ll play the song to start and you can learn it afterwards.”
Roman grumbles something, but sits down anyway. His stomach drops when he sees Janus move their mic down, clearly in position for them to sing.
“It’s called Checkmate,” Janus smirks as they begin laying down the beat.
Objectively, Roman has to admit it's a well written song. Emotionally, however, every single lyric feels like a blow to the chest, one after the other, and he hates the song.
The final note rings out and Janus looks up at Roman, grinning the same mischievous smile he fell in love with in the first place.
“Thoughts?” Janus laughs.
“It’s a good song,” Roman chokes out. “I like the beat. Would you be singing it?”
“No,” they chuckle. “You would.”
Roman feels the tightness in his chest again, and he nods, the lump in his throat preventing him from speaking any further.
Logan, sensing the tension, quickly speaks up. “Roman, you said you had a song? Did you want to play that for us?”
“Um…” Roman swallows hard. “I, um…”
“Come now Roman, don’t you want to show me up?” Janus taunts. “Prove you’re the most important person here, just like you always need to do?”
“Hey, woah,” Virgil steps in. “Enough fighting. Roman, you don’t have to play the song if you don’t want to, but if you do, I’d be happy to hear it.”
“Simp,” Remus mumbles.
“Shut up,” Virgil shoots back. “Roman?”
“Uh, yeah, okay, I’ll play it,” Roman sighs. He grabs his guitar and sits, facing the other four. His hands tremble, though he shouldn’t be nervous, should he? He’s played to thousands of people, hundreds of crowds in the past years.
He shouldn’t be nervous.
But Janus sits there, smug as ever, almost as if they’re waiting for Roman to screw up. Logan looks at him expectantly, and though it surely isn’t intentional, he taps his foot in impatience.
Virgil smiles at Roman, the same soft, encouraging smile he always gave Roman right before they performed. Remus smiles at him too, one of the first genuine smiles Roman’s seen from him in a while.
A deep breath.
Roman begins strumming, pointedly not looking at the subject of his work.
“It’s called The Only Reason,” he says as an afterthought, just before he begins singing.
“Don’t talk, let me think it over, how we gonna fix this? How we gonna undo all the pain?”
He focuses solely on his guitar until the last chord, finally looking up to a mix of expressions.
Logan looks shocked, Remus and Virgil both have fond smiles on their faces, and Janus—
Janus looks just as unimpressed as Roman thought they would be.
“Am I supposed to pretend that wasn’t about me?” They drawl, rolling one of their drumsticks between their fingers. They don’t give Roman a chance to respond, saying, “Listen, Reyes, I know you think you can woo half the damn country with your pretty voice and sparkling eyes, but it won’t work on me again.”
“You think everything has to be about you?” Roman snaps. “You think I’m trying to, what, win you back? You think I think I have a chance?”
“Maybe we should cool down,” Virgil says.
“No, I am sick of being ridiculed! I am sick of having to defend myself for breathing the same air as them!”
“Maybe you should stop breathing my air, then,” Janus shrugs.
“You’re ridiculous!” Roman shouts. “I’ve apologized, over and over and over again! My one request was that we be civil and you can’t even do that!”
Janus slams their hands down as they stand, returning the same heat Roman gave to them. “My one request was a boyfriend who actually fucking loved me!”
“I did love you! What part of that can you not fucking understand?” Roman’s voice grows hoarse, tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks. He takes a deep breath. “I loved you, and I fucked it all up, and I regret it everyday.”
The tension is the room is palpable, so thick Roman could barely breathe.
“I… I think that’s enough for today,” Virgil says softly.
“Aw, really?” Roman pouts sarcastically, ignoring the drying tears on his cheeks. “Dang, I was hoping to learn the song Janus wrote about me.”
“Roman—”
“He’s right,” Janus shrugs. They begin packing up their things, slinging their backpack over one shoulder. “I did write it about him. At least I can admit that.”
“Same time next week?” Remus asks unhelpfully. A chorus of agreement has him clapping, blabbering about something Roman doesn’t care to listen to.
No, he watches as Janus starts to leave, but not before stopping to whisper something to Roman.
(question did i give a response to janus's dodging of my last ask? not sure if i have a bad memory and forgot to or you guys are taking a break or something and haven't answered yet (which! it's fine if that's the case!! i just wanted to check))
((you did!! we’re both just ✨busy✨ and neither us of have gotten around to answering ur question yet hdhdhshdhd))
I never said I *distrust* you, love, just that you have a habit of dodging questions and I want to make sure you're truly alright rather than simply,, putting on a show
“it’s truly a shame that ‘putting on a show’ is a part of my job then, isn’t it?”
a figure of speech? *raises an eyebrow* i'm afraid i don't understand; where's the figure of speech in giving all of you a chance again?
“well when you put it like that, it’d be better to just call it a generalization, i suppose!”
*he pauses, as though thinking of how to carefully word his next sentence*
“and though i loathe to admit, the issues with the band do mostly stem from my past relationship with janus. and, well... it would be more accurate to switch around a few words, but that’s not super important right now, not when there’s so much going on as we speak!”
you make me smile often, darling, this time was no exception! I'm glad you're doing well, though I'm afraid I'm not sure I believe you, what with your recent talk with roman
“what reason have i ever given you to make you distrust me?”
*they’re pouting now :( look at what you’ve done :( you’ve made them Pout :(*
I am doing GREAT my main not-man but I would be doing even better if you wouldn't dodge the question of how YOU are :^)
*they sigh*
“I am doing well, starlight, thank you. this is, of course, despite the fact that you seem to have tragically caught me in the act of avoiding all your questions. i do hope it was at least mildly entertaining.”
