“I’m glad Snow and you had each other, and continue to be close. She’s a good friend.” He couldn’t imagine what might have happened if she had to go through what she went through alone. Heck, he knew from personal experience what that was like. “I really appreciate that. I think being a moral compass is what I love to do most in the world. I’m glad you think I’m a partner worthy of you, that’s what I hope for most in the world.”
He looked to her as she verbally worked through what he was saying. Though Archie appreciated the positive affirmations of Ruby’s love and her opinion of him, he saw she wasn’t quite getting it. He didn’t blame her, Ruby had always been someone who was exactly how she presented herself, the only thing not immediately apparent about her was her alter ego. Archie on the other hand was someone who desperately strived to be like that, but felt like he was an inherently subversive person, as if he somehow inherited that from his parents. Archie gently squeezed her hand smiling sweetly at her. Blushing deeper at her teasing. “You are beautiful inside and out Red, how could anyone not immediately fall in love with you? You are always the woman I love, no matter how sharp your teeth may be.” He brought her hand up to his mouth to give her hand a quick kiss.
“I know I’m not explaining myself well enough. It’s not an issue of trying to be something I’m not. It’s…. if someone came to me with the issues I have in a professional sense I would tell them to do the opposite of what I’m doing. For the past week I have been treating myself as if I’m my own patient. And I have… issues..” Archie let’s go of Ruby’s hand in favor of rubbing his eyes and fussing with his hair. “What I’m trying to say is I am not actively changing myself to be with you, but I am so afraid of rejection with every bit of my being, having this conversation is the most stressful thing.” He took a breath and cleared his throat. “Okay here it is. Here it is. I am sick. Something is wrong with me. Ever since the first curse everything about me has been wrong. I lost my cricket form. And since then magic has been affecting me horribly. I get panic attacks at work when I’m alone and I can’t hear crickets. I’m sorry I haven’t told you this, I did, not because I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and reject me and we would have to break up….
“I didn’t bring this up because I knew that if you rejected this-me I would bury these feelings so we could stay together, because I am not strong enough to go against anyone, if it meant I might lose their love.” Archie swiped at his eyes, crying once again.
All bets were off when Archie started to cry and before she knew it, Ruby had moved over and carefully scoped the man into her arms for a hug. She placed a gentle kiss on his head and let him take a few minutes to just feel and cry it out. She knew there wasn’t much she could actually say and that by pulling him into her arms she was showing him that she wasn’t going to leave. That they’d figure this all out together and no matter what may happen, he wasn’t going to lose her love. But it warmed her heart to see this side of Archie. He was always so guarded when it had come to his feelings and thoughts and it felt wonderful to be included in them for once.
While the subject of those thoughts and feelings wasn’t an easy thing for her to really empathize with, it was something she once felt when she had been younger - before she had embraced her wolf. There really was a lot of inner turmoil that happened if you and your animal weren’t one. She could only imagine what that was like for Archie who had completely lost his animal or err cricket.
She continued to stroke his arm and hold him. She took a deep breath as she was still trying to process it all. “Oh Archie…” She took a small breath. “I wish you would have told me. This… I’m not going to stop loving you because you feel disjointed and incomplete. I don’t exactly know how you’re feeling of course, but I’ve been there - to some extent. Because my whole life people have told me to hide from the wolf so I did and I feared her and had no control over her. I don’t think anyone ever realized it back in the Enchanted Forest but some days I’d be smiling on the outside and on the inside all I wanted to do was to scream and run until I was too exhausted to do anything else. My wolf wanted freedom and control and instead I just pushed her away. I was even like that after the curse for many years too. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to figure out why I was so miserable… but once I figured it out - actually it was Mal who figured it out - then I became happier and ready to be loved by someone. You. I mean I’m sure you would’ve loved me even if I had not been so put together but I wasn’t ready to accept that kind of love from anyone, let alone you.” She tried to explain before stopping herself from rambling on. She did have a bad habit of dominating the conversation that way and it was something she was going to work on in the new year. She just hoped that Archie could see that what he was experiencing was normal and that over time they would be able to figure it out and Ruby vowed to do everything she could to help the love of her life feel complete - which was how he had always made her feel.