Ask AFAB

This blog is run by an AFAB non-binary person to answer questions regarding AFAB/FTM transgender topics. DISCLAIMER: All of the questions answered are based on my experiences & the knowledge I've gathered along the way. I am not a mental health professional/doctor.

[spectrumoutfitters-deactivated2]

Hey everyone we need your help! 

Spectrum Outfitters is a new company (Est 2017) which will be launching a short binder in February. Currently the resources for trans and non-binary people are usually from America which means that European people have to wait a long time, pay expensive postage fees and pay EU customs charges. WE ARE HERE TO CHANGE THAT. If you are from the UK or a European country  or have followers that are please reblog this so that your trans and non-binary followers can see that this is an option for them so that they can bind safely without waiting or paying outrageous excesses. The more people that see this, the more we can sell, which means we will be able to provide more options and colours and sizes so that lots of different types of people and body types in Europe can benefit from this.

OTHER FEATURES INCLUDE-

Top of the range fabrics: Our outer fabric was used in team GB’s Cycling shorts by Adidas with Stella McCartney for the Rio Olympics. It is a high performance fabric designed to breathe and allow comfort when sweating and moving while maintaining compression. It is also suitable to swim in! There are two more top of the line fabrics used to create superior compression and to stop it stretching over time.

Royal Mail Postage: Your binder will arrive quickly and cheaply using your choice of postage selection 1st/2nd class mail. We will ship internationally using this service.

Tried and tested: We are confident in the performance of this binder which has been reviewed by Jake Edwards. We will be reviewed by some very popular YouTubers within the next month so you can see for yourselves

www.spectrumoutfitters.co.uk

message us if you have any questions :)

[askafab]

Saw your compasing! That's amazing! For now, though, can you recommend a binder company? My friend has offered to pay for me to get one! But I dunno what to buy and since we have similar breast size (well, had anyway) maybe you got some recommendations? Or just in general?

Thank you! :)Here is a post I made about the different binders I've tried: http://askafab.tumblr.com/post/74170262209/what-binder-did-u-use-before-surgeryI definitely recommend getting binders with Velcro if you have a larger chest like I did. I found it was much better to have the option to adjust it than to get a "one size fits most" type, like underworks binders.Hope that helps, & let me know if you have other questions!

[askafab]

So... I'm very anxious right now. I started actually thinking about me being different like, three years ago. My mom is actually supportive of LGBT+ rights, but not when it comes to me? I told her I identify as nonbinary a few months ago, but she brushed it off. She says i'll always be a woman to her... Now I'm questioning If I should keep 'telling' myself I'm nonbinary... I don't know how to know that I am. I don't feel comfortable, but that could also be because of my anxiety. Help?

I’m sorry to hear about that, friend. :( It’s actually quite common for parents to be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, but not support their child.

When I came out to my parents, they said something similar about not being able to view me as anyone but their daughter. We all want to feel accepted by the people that love & care about us. It’s easy to say “well if they really loved you, they would support you regardless!”, but it’s not that simple. 

What I recommend is take some time to do some self-discovery. It’s frustrating to question who you are, but that’s the first step you need to take until you’re able to discuss it further with your mom. Also, try to “follow” your anxious thoughts regarding your gender. Does your anxiety get worse when thinking about how people will react? Does it stem from genuinely feeling unsure, or is your mom’s response causing you to feel doubtful? 

It’s okay to feel anxious & uncomfortable. Remember to be patient with yourself. There’s no rush to have it all figured out. But don’t compromise your happiness for anyone’s approval. Moreover, don’t pressure yourself to identify as anything until you feel comfortable doing so. 

Once you think you have a better understanding of your gender, find some resources about nonbinary/other identities that you can share with your mom, & try to encourage her to ask questions. The more you educate yourself, the more confident you’ll feel discussing this topic.

It’s overwhelming, I know. But you can do it! And I’m here to help - or at least try to :)

[askafab]

Thanks for linking the tags! Took a look and it seems very informative. I was wondering - What size breasts did you have before operation? Are you still happy with your results and all several years on?

Any time!I was around a 36/38 D, depending on my weight. I'm very happy with my results! I occasionally get self-conscious about the loose skin near my underarms. I had a lot of loose skin from binding for 4ish years & my weight fluctuating, but I've been able to tone my chest & that's helped.I'm very pleased with how well my scars have faded. I was worried about that the most since I get scars easily. My only other complaint would be my left nipple graft is always flat, so I can't get it pierced. It doesn't bother me any more, & I was able to get my right one pierced without any problem.I can post some post-op comparison pictures if you'd like. :) I think I have photos as early as 3 weeks & I'm planning on taking one for my 4 year post-op.

[askafab]

(Sprry fi this is too invasive or provate!) Have you had top surgery? I've been think bout it and wondered if I could ask for advice/curious questions/etc? I understand your not profesional, but tbh i just want to ask some questions to somepone who's done it :)

Not invasive at all :) Yes, I have had top surgery. I had it almost 4 years ago on January 14, 2014! 

I have a top surgery tag & another about my surgery experience that may have some helpful info. But feel free to ask any questions you’d like! I’m very comfortable discussing just about anything. :)

[askafab]

Trans & Gender Identity Resources Masterpost

This will be updated as frequently as possible. Some links include other LGBQ+ info. Have a contribution, correction, or found a broken link? Please send me a message!

CRISIS INTERVENTION

The Trevor Project’s TrevorLifeline - Crisis intervention & suicide prevention phone service (24/7): 866-488-7386

Trevor Chat - Online messaging with a counselor

TrevorText - Text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline - 877-565-8860 (US), [phone] (Canada)

MEDICAL

World Professional Assoc. for Trans Health - Medical authority regarding trans healthcare

Gay & Lesbian Medical Assoc. - Med. resources for LGBTQ+ folk 

Howard Brown Health - Chicago, IL based med. services/resources

Minnesota Transgender Health Coalition  

EDUCATIONAL

Trans Student Educational Resources - Youth-led org focused on creating trans-friendly education systems

Campus Pride - For LGBTQ+ student leaders & campus groups

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network - Resources for LGBTQ+ equality in education

GSA Network -  LGBTQ+ student info & advocacy

Welcoming Schools - Creating safe schools for children & families (for faculty/admins)

Point Foundation - LGBTQ+ scholarship & mentorship program

Day of Silence - Bringing awareness to the silencing effects of anti-LGBTQ+ harassment 

California Safe Schools Coalition - Safe school resources including law and policy

INFORMATIONAL

Refuge - Search engine to locate gender-neutral restrooms

The Advocate - LGBTQ+ news

Athlete Ally - Info on LGBTQ+ participation in sports

Hudson’s FTM Resource Guide - HRT info & other resources

The Gender Book

Genderqueer & Non-Binary Identities

LEGAL

Transgender Law Center - Services & info

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)

Transgender Law & Policy Institute

Sylvia Rivera Law Project - Services for people facing discrimination based on gender identity/expression

Lambda Legal - Services & info

FAMILY/YOUTH

Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG)

Mermaids - Family & individual support for teens & children with gender identity issues

The Youth & Gender Media Project - Films capturing young people who are questioning the gender binary

TransYouth Family Allies - Resources, workshops, & trainings

Trans Youth Equality Foundation - Resources, trainings, workshops, camps, & youth/parent groups 

TransFamily Support Services - Connects trans youth & families to a support system

Family Acceptance Project - Works to decrease health & related risks for LGBTQ+ youth

TransFamily - Ohio based resource group

COLAGE - Network for people with LGBTQ+ parents

Live Out Loud - Connecting youth with LGBTQ+ professionals

Advocates for Youth: I Think I Might Be Trans - Article

SERVICES/ORGANIZATIONS

The Trevor Project - Suicide prevention focusing on LGBTQ+ youth

It Gets Better Project - Anti-suicide resources

FIERCE - Building leadership & power of LGBTQ+ youth of colour

Bradbury-Sullivan LGBTQ+ Community Center - PA based center

The International Foundation for Gender Education 

Gender Diversity - Education & support services

Gender Spectrum - Helps create gender sensitive & inclusive environment for all children & teens.

Gender Justice League - Advocates for trans justice in LGBTQ+ orgs

National Center for Trans Equality 

TransActive - Intersectional org providing services for trans youth, families, & allies

YOUTUBE CHANNELS

Ash Hardell - Non-binary YouTuber & author

Jake Edwards - Non-binary YouTuber & musician

Milo Stewart - Non-binary YouTuber

Vesper - Non-binary YouTuber

Kaitlyn Alexander - Gender-neutral YouTuber

Chase Ross - FTM YouTuber. Reviews products for AFAB folk (NSFW)

Aaron Ansuini - FTM YouTuber

Alex Bertie - FTM YouTuber

Jeydon Wale - FTM YouTuber

Skylar Kergil - FTM YouTuber & musician

Ryan Cassata - FTM YouTuber & musician

Ty Turner - FTM YouTuber

Benton Sorenson - FTM YouTuber

Stef Sanjati - AMAB Beauty YouTuber

Gigi Gorgeous - AMAB Glamour/Fashion YouTuber & actress

Kat Blaque - AMAB YouTuber

FTM Transtastic - Collaborative channel covering AFAB topics

You’re So Brave - Podcast with Chase Ross & Aaron Ansuini

Top 100 Transgender YouTubers

Other resources

(Last update: 12/21/17)

[askafab]

Trans & Gender Identity Resources Masterpost

This will be updated as frequently as possible. Some links include other LGBQ+ info. Have a contribution, correction, or found a broken link? Please send me a message!

CRISIS INTERVENTION

The Trevor Project’s TrevorLifeline - Crisis intervention & suicide prevention phone service (24/7): 866-488-7386

Trevor Chat - Online messaging with a counselor

TrevorText - Text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline - 877-565-8860 (US), [phone] (Canada)

MEDICAL

World Professional Assoc. for Trans Health - Medical authority regarding trans healthcare

Gay & Lesbian Medical Assoc. - Med. resources for LGBTQ+ folk 

Howard Brown Health - Chicago, IL based med. services/resources

Minnesota Transgender Health Coalition  

EDUCATIONAL

Trans Student Educational Resources - Youth-led org focused on creating trans-friendly education systems

Campus Pride - For LGBTQ+ student leaders & campus groups

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network - Resources for LGBTQ+ equality in education

GSA Network -  LGBTQ+ student info & advocacy

Welcoming Schools - Creating safe schools for children & families (for faculty/admins)

Point Foundation - LGBTQ+ scholarship & mentorship program

Day of Silence - Bringing awareness to the silencing effects of anti-LGBTQ+ harassment 

California Safe Schools Coalition - Safe school resources including law and policy

INFORMATIONAL

Refuge - Search engine to locate gender-neutral restrooms

The Advocate - LGBTQ+ news

Athlete Ally - Info on LGBTQ+ participation in sports

Hudson’s FTM Resource Guide - HRT info & other resources

The Gender Book

Genderqueer & Non-Binary Identities

LEGAL

Transgender Law Center - Services & info

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)

Transgender Law & Policy Institute

Sylvia Rivera Law Project - Services for people facing discrimination based on gender identity/expression

Lambda Legal - Services & info

FAMILY/YOUTH

Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG)

Mermaids - Family & individual support for teens & children with gender identity issues

The Youth & Gender Media Project - Films capturing young people who are questioning the gender binary

TransYouth Family Allies - Resources, workshops, & trainings

Trans Youth Equality Foundation - Resources, trainings, workshops, camps, & youth/parent groups 

TransFamily Support Services - Connects trans youth & families to a support system

Family Acceptance Project - Works to decrease health & related risks for LGBTQ+ youth

TransFamily - Ohio based resource group

COLAGE - Network for people with LGBTQ+ parents

Live Out Loud - Connecting youth with LGBTQ+ professionals

Advocates for Youth: I Think I Might Be Trans - Article

SERVICES/ORGANIZATIONS

The Trevor Project - Suicide prevention focusing on LGBTQ+ youth

It Gets Better Project - Anti-suicide resources

FIERCE - Building leadership & power of LGBTQ+ youth of colour

Bradbury-Sullivan LGBTQ+ Community Center - PA based center

The International Foundation for Gender Education 

Gender Diversity - Education & support services

Gender Spectrum - Helps create gender sensitive & inclusive environment for all children & teens.

Gender Justice League - Advocates for trans justice in LGBTQ+ orgs

National Center for Trans Equality 

TransActive - Intersectional org providing services for trans youth, families, & allies

YOUTUBE CHANNELS

Ash Hardell - Non-binary YouTuber & author

Jake Edwards - Non-binary YouTuber & musician

Milo Stewart - Non-binary YouTuber

Vesper - Non-binary YouTuber

Kaitlyn Alexander - Gender-neutral YouTuber

Chase Ross - FTM YouTuber. Reviews products for AFAB folk (NSFW)

Aaron Ansuini - FTM YouTuber

Alex Bertie - FTM YouTuber

Jeydon Wale - FTM YouTuber

Skylar Kergil - FTM YouTuber & musician

Ryan Cassata - FTM YouTuber & musician

Ty Turner - FTM YouTuber

Benton Sorenson - FTM YouTuber

Stef Sanjati - AMAB Beauty YouTuber

Gigi Gorgeous - AMAB Glamour/Fashion YouTuber & actress

Kat Blaque - AMAB YouTuber

FTM Transtastic - Collaborative channel covering AFAB topics

You’re So Brave - Podcast with Chase Ross & Aaron Ansuini

Top 100 Transgender YouTubers

Other resources

(Last update: 12/21/17)

[askafab]

hey kinda a nsfw question but I've been hearing that T can affect an afab person's genitals... there's not much info out there about it, but clit growth and labial dryness and stuff like that? did you experience anything like that when you started T?

Yes, it most certainly does! [TW: Genitalia, dysphoria, NSFW below]

Obviously every person is different, but clitoral growth can last for about 4-5 years after you begin T. The size also ranges anywhere from less than an inch to 3 inches. If you’re lucky to get a decent amount of growth, you can penetrate a partner without a strap-on (once you figure out the proper angle)! I can attest to this as I am able to do so. :)

T does dry out your labia, so incorporating more foreplay may help with lubrication. I recommend investing in some lube if dryness is still a concern. It’s definitely helped me! 

FTM Sex Talk is a great Tumblr run by trans men with a lot of information regarding sexuality for AFAB people, including photos. It is VERY NSFW, so proceed with caution.

[askafab]

Blog Relaunch

Hello!

I haven’t touched this blog in over 2 years & I decided to relaunch it. I am going to clean house a bit by deleting some posts, but I will keep the majority of previously answered questions.

Feel free to start sending asks! :)

[askafab]

Would it be possible to get keyhole surgery on one side and double-well I suppose, single incision on the other?

Honestly, I have never heard of anyone getting this surgery before! I don’t think many surgeons would be willing to preform two different types of surgeries on one patient. 

I also believe because double incision is more invasive that it could alter the results of the side that had the keyhole done.

It never hurts to ask a surgeons opinion, but I don’t think it’s possible…

Sorry if this isn’t helpful! D:

[askafab]

Can blockers reduce the size of your chest?

I don’t believe hormone blockers can reduce the size of your chest, but it will prevent it from growing any further. 

If you have a larger chest, the best way to try and reduce the size is to exercise! It’s not a guaranteed method, but it will help if you’re consistent. 

I’m sorry if this wasn’t very helpful. :(

[askafab]

Do trans boys have more testosterone in their bodies than cis girls? Before or after knowing their trans, I don't know if this is dumb but ever since I knew I was trans I swear the hair on my body has gotten darker and my voice is a bit lower too altho that could be subconsciously making it deeper too

That’s a good question, actually! 

If you’re assigned female at birth, it’s possible to have higher levels of testosterone in your body than others, but it generally doesn’t increase just by realizing you’re trans, unfortunately. 

It could be wishful thinking or psychosomatic. It could also be you never noticed those things about yourself, or you’re subconsciously making it deeper, like you said. I can’t say for certain, but I don’t believe it’s biologically possible that your levels of testosterone increase just by realizing you’re trans. 

I’m sorry if that doesn’t help at all! 

[askafab]

I wish that schools had better sex ed because I didn't know that having different sized breasts was normal and I thought I had breast cancer from about ages of 15-17 and I couldn't go to the doctors because I'm trans but didn't know then and was just ashamed of my body. Sorry this isn't a question I just think that sex ed needs to be better

I agree with you 110%!

In my opinion, I think LGBT+ people feel as though they can’t express their sexuality or gender identity when taking sex ed because it targets the biological process of sex - cismale with cisfemale. 

Unfortunately, the reason sex ed is so vague is because their main priority is instilling fear in teenagers about the dangers of sex so they practice abstinence. Which, in reality, just leads to teenage pregnancies, STD’s, STI’s, etc, because of the lack of knowledge. 

Ironically, the media glorifies sex and objectification (primarily in ciswomen), but belittles people who openly talk about their sex life (again, primarily ciswomen). That’s because of America’s views of nudity and sexuality in general; it’s basically taboo. (I say America since that’s where I’m form and all I can speak for)

Hopefully with the recent passing of marriage equality, some things will change in the future!

[transboys]

Mapping

Alright guys, I set up a map in Google Maps for you to add your location and blog name to. It is great to see all these people from all over asking if others live near them but we are getting so many questions just about that, that it is clogging our inbox from seeing really important questions and maybe a map will clear it up. Plus, it’ll be an awesome way to see how many dudes are out there!

Here is the link to the map for you guys: https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?mid=z4jbNqp8rVsA.kwiqE8YoB7Uc&usp=sharing

Tips: https://support.google.com/maps/answer/3045850?hl=en

If anyone has a better mapping option feel free to hit us up

[askafab]

*DISCLAIMER* Please only put the city you live in, no street addresses please. 

[askafab]

Everyone is trying to make my transition go faster than I want it to be and I don't know what to do

Ignore them. Your transition is your own personal experience. 

“You have to be on hormones to be trans”, “You have to get surgery to be trans” “You have to hate your body to be trans.”

Lies, lies, and more lies! These are all the things that I heard when I was 15 and just came out. Just because certain people experience dysphoria and need hormones or surgery doesn’t mean you/other people do! 

I don’t want bottom surgery right now. That doesn’t make me “less trans” than an AFAB person who did have bottom surgery.

Go at your own pace. Start hormones/get surgery when YOU want if you want to. If you don’t, ignore those who try to pressure you to do so. 

Best of luck, friend. :)

[homosocials-remade-deactivated2]

Since I haven’t seen any posts describing what gender dysphoria actually is, I made this as an introduction to it, and how to help cope with it! PLEASE spread this, even if you aren’t gender dysphoric or transgender. This is very important information to educate people on!

If this information struck a chord with you and you want someone to talk to or have further questions, feel free to send a message to my inbox! There are also many advice/support blogs which can help you out.

Some further resources:

“That was dysphoria?” 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria

transgenderteensurvivalguide’s Trans + Nonbinary Flowchart

another list of some identities

a few alternative pronouns

a few masterposts with lots of resources! X X X X

two masterposts specifically for trans girls and women X X

masterpost for trans people of color and another one

Transgender Housing Network

The Leelah Project and Transgender Clothes Exchange on tumblr

my trans resources tag + my friend’s

Good Vibes!! + my trans positivity tag

[askafab]

I came to a realisation today which actually helps me with my identity and self assurance! That gender is fluid, I've been saying it for years but only just realising that I shouldn't get upset about childhood photos being a girl in them because my gender is fluid and I don't need to be male forever or be ashamed of when I'm not 'fully' ftm. I don't know if Any of this makes sense but it's been a sudden feeling that makes me feel at ease with myself for the time being :)

I’m so glad you were able to feel at ease with yourself!! I’m so proud of you!

My gender is definitely fluid as well, so it absolutely makes sense. :) 

I quite literally burned some childhood photos of mine, which I wholeheartedly regret now. I’m glad to hear that you don’t get upset about them! 

Much love to you, my friend. <3