My novel, Stained Glass, is released tomorrow (11 July). As you can appreciate, this is a huge deal for me and I'll naturally be very busy promoting it etc.
Because I'll be so busy, I don't know that I'll be able to answer any questions for a while. I'm not sure how long my time away from here will be. I realise that anyone asking questions will naturally want a response in a somewhat timely fashion.
As such, I have decided to disable asking questions for the time-being. Don't despair-I do intend to resume my work here at some point. For now, however, I need to focus on my own projects.
I have some final general advice that will hopefully help you all. If you need further assistance, there are many other advice tumblrs out there:
1/ Anxiety/Depression/Suicide:
If you have reached this point where you are not just 'sad', but are really anxious, depressed or even considering suicide, no advice tumblr or online counselling will be sufficient to help you. I will ALWAYS refer such people with Asks on this topic to their doctor, as any decent online counselling service should. This is SERIOUS and should never be dealt with lightly. No amateur counsellor or person who thinks they've gone through 'a lot' should ever pretend to be qualified enough to be your only source of help.
Seeking professional help can sometimes be a daunting prospect. Let me assure you that it is the role of a doctor to be unjudgmental, and to LISTEN. They are in that profession because they want to help you.
It isn't all medications. Many people- even those with serious depression- won't be put on medication. It all depends on your individual situation- and that's why psychiatry takes many years of post-graduate study after a medical degree. Because they are trained to tailor your treatment to your individual needs.
If you are at school, or money is an issue, try a school counsellor or local counselling service. This depends on where you are in the world and what options are available. I am aware Australia has a better health system than many. Nonetheless, a Google search of professional counselling services in your area may yield some surprising results.
If you need immediate help, call a depression or suicide hotline. Most countries have one. Remember, GET HELP before you do anything drastic. I cannot stress this enough.
SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER- there are times when you might feel it is. I know, I've been there. But it isn't- as many survivors of a suicide attempt will tell you. So please, get professional help. There is ALWAYS a way out. Sometimes it just takes another person to show you the way.
Often, I find myself repeating this statement- tell them, what you've just told me. If a friend is hurting you in some way, or frustrating you... TELL THEM! Sit them down, and sort through your issues. It is a very mature way of dealing with problems and can often nip it in the bud before it blows up into something bigger than it should be.
Not all friendships are smooth sailing. Sometimes, you won't see a friend for a while. You drift apart. This is very commonly experienced between junior school and high school, or moving schools. Don't despair. Try maintaining contact every now and then. Maybe one day you will drift back together. The point is, though, be open to change. As our bodies change through puberty, it is only natural that our personalities do as well. Be open to new friends. Someone who was compatible as a best friend when you were 9 might not necessarily be compatible with you at 19. That's okay- accept it, remember the friendship fondly, and move onto making new friends. Relationships are similar in this respect.
If you are being ignored or bullied by people you consider friends, then they aren't friends and you should get out. You are almost always better off being alone for a short while, or hopping from acquaintance to acquaintance than remaining in a 'friendship' where you are made to feel terrible and insecure about yourself. There's a word for that relationship, and it's not friendship. It's bullying, and you should not stand for it. Leaving will be the best thing you could ever do.
A good book to read is 'Cat's Eye' by Margaret Atwood. It will completely change the way you view school/friendship politics.
If you're struggling at school, SEE YOUR TEACHER! It is their job to help you understand the topics they are teaching. Also, if you're struggling to maintain your workload- again, see your teacher. Believe me, if they know, they can help you find a way to manage your studies. If you suffer in silence and miss deadlines, however, they will be far less sympathetic
If you're unsure about what to do with college or how to get in, see a careers counsellor. Most schools have one. If not, see a teacher. It is their job to help you find your path after school, and how you should go about achieving this.
If you're in college, but aren't sure where you're going to go after it with your degree, speak to your lecturers. Trust me, they worry they're boring their students. Having someone come up to them and show an interest in them and their work is not only very flattering, but inspirational. They will probably try very hard to help you and might even refer you on to colleagues of theirs who could really help you out in life, career-wise. You can never have too many acquaintances in this respect.
Everyone struggles with this to some degree. It's mostly about comfort. Many of us find we have no issues carrying out a conversation in the safe confines of our room, with a best friend. And yet, put us in a room full of unknowns and suddenly we're mute!
It takes Practise, Practise and Practise. Yes, you'll be uncomfortable at first. But dismiss this, don't overthink what you do- smile, and start talking. Most people don't look at someone who is making an effort to be friendly and think 'what a freak'. They generally think that person is nice, and appreciate the effort you're going to.
Smiling, and the words 'hi, I'm....' are 2 basics anyone can carry out. If you are smiling, you have already upped your approachability by 100%! Always introduce yourself to someone you've never spoken to, even if you've shared a class with them for a week or two... or longer, even. It's social politeness. All you need to do is say 'Hi, I'm Anya. I don't think we've properly met.' It would be a very rude person indeed who didn't introduce themselves back!
Try having a basic knowledge of current affairs- both serious world matters, local matters, and trivial gossip regarding celebrities. That gives you a lot to work with in a conversation, and you're bound to find SOMETHING you can both discuss. Movies, tv shows, music, and books are also extremely safe topics and can take up quite a bit of conversation time. If all that fails... talk about food! We all eat it and the majority of us love it! (Note- talk about how good food experiences... not diets!)
If you have a bit of extra time, read this book: 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie. A lot of valuable lessons can be found in this book.
5/ Appearance (including diets):
Most of us have been victims of the fad diet phenomenon at some point in our lives. The fact of the matter is that they just don't offer long term results and, let's face it, are downright unpleasant to go through. I remember doing the Atkins Diet in 2nd year Med as an experiment (we were studying dieting) and by the end of the second week of Induction, all I could think about was bread! Needless to say, the diet ended quite suddenly with a huge bread and carb binge. It was beautiful.
The important thing to remember is that you are beautiful, no matter your weight. Don't live your life thinking 'once I'm skinny, I'll do this and that'... because you can't put things on hold until you achieve your idea of perfection. You have to leave each moment of life and enjoy it.
Having said that, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you are overweight, if you are, and that you ought to lose some weight. It is not healthy to be obese or overweight. In this situation, you should choose a sensible diet that involves 3 meals a day, and teaches you healthy eating habits. My favourite book on the topic is 'French Women Don't Get Fat' by Mireille Guiliano. Learn to enjoy eating good food. You don't have to cut anything out. You can have cake- but have a tiny slice, eat it slowly and really enjoy it! Less of a beautiful meal is more!
Food is not bad. Don't look at it as an enemy. Look at it as something you need to survive. Beautiful nourishment for your body, which deserves only the best. So try not to stuff it full of unhealthy junk food. You wouldn't put the wrong kind of fuel in a car... so don't give your body the wrong kind of food! Like a car on the wrong kind of fuel, your body may run, but it won't function anywhere near as well as it would if you nourished it properly.
Exercising won't have a huge impact on your weight unless you live at the gym. It is a very common misconception to exercise heaps, only to gorge on food afterwards. But it is healthy to be fit, not to mention motivating. Eat well, and exercise your body and your investing such good care in it will prove to be very inspirational for you to keep looking after it!
We all have different body types. Dress appropriately for your shape to highlight your features, and try and disguise those wobbly bits we'd rather not exhibit!
Karl Lagerfeld once commented on fashion being a good source of inspiration for losing weight. I think he was a bit off the mark in some respects, but there is some truth to what he was saying. You don't have to dress head-to-toe in Chanel (I envy you if you can afford to!). But if you choose clothes that are nice (not necessarily expensive), and make you feel like you are well-dressed, then you have put some effort in your appearance. You have thus taken an active step to showing your body off the best it can be. Eating well can be linked to this. We all know the typical image of a couch slob in trackies and an oversized pull-over gorging on crisps. Bridget Jones did an excellent job of showing us that. Dress badly or sloppily, and you are less inclined to care about what food you eat. Try to appreciate quality in everything.
Appearance- face, skin, hair and nails
If you read my Livejournal, I've written posts on hair care etc. We can't change our facial structure unless you're going to go down the path of cosmetic surgery. Most of us won't.
You can cleanse regularly, using appropriate products for your skin type. There are many inexpensive such treatments. Google is wonderful for research on such matters and there are many reviews available.
Similarly, hair care can be very easy. Investing in my ghd was certainly my best investment because my hair is pretty much as bushy and frizzy as Hermione's in HP1 (even worse on some days) without some extra tlc. Some of you have naturally tame hair. If you don't- you can have beautiful hair nonetheless. Don't waste money on products offering a 'straight' finish. You need an iron or a good hairdryer. They are expensive, but an investment that will not only leave your hair looking beautiful every time, but last you for years and years. I've had my ghd for 4 years now.
Makeup is something that we can use to personal taste. Some don't like it at all and that's fine. Others of us feel we need to wear it to highlight our natural beauty. And that's what you really should use it for. Of course, you can have fun with it too and concoct some crazy looks... but they are best left for theme dress up parties!
Youtube has a plethora of hair and makeup tutorials showing you how you can achieve a beautifully polished, professional and natural look. If anything, it's fun to experiment with different looks!
If you are experiencing any medical scares at all, go see your doctor. It doesn't matter if it turns out to be nothing, you're better off being safe than sorry.
If you think you may be pregnant- take a test.
If you're on the pill and experiencing bad side effects, SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATEDLY!
If you're not necessarily unwell, but unsure about some interesting happenings on your body- i.e. periods, hair in unusual places, sex etc... the internet is a wonderful source of information. Go on a website that looks fairly trustworthy, and look it up!
I once read a brilliant quote; Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one. It's fine to be proud of it. But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around. And please don't try to shove it down our throats!
If you or someone you know has a faith- that is fine. Good for them. There is no need to tell the world about it. It should be a very personal matter, and that is how it should remain. So if you're starting to believe something different to what your family and friends belief- good for you! But you don't need to tell them.
If you are questioning your faith, it doesn't make you a bad person. It is good to question things and make objective decisions about your beliefs. I've always been of the opinion that blind faith is not a good thing and makes you miss the true point of your religion.
Go to my livejournal for writing advice. I've answered a few questions here, but I often do posts on LJ centred around writing advice. Similarly, if you have any post request topics, leave me a comment on my LJ and I'll see whether I can create a post on your topic.
I think that's all for now! Good luck... and if you need a book to read, feel free to get Stained Glass and give it a read! :)
