Let's Get Lord Privy Real

Have you ever wanted to ask historical figure Thomas Cromwell a question? Odds of actual historical accuracy: low. Odds of the cold hard truth nontheless: high.

[askcromwell]

what’s your favorite joke

Stephen Gardiner (I also know a really good long joke about a monk)

[askcromwell]

Were you a foreign power trying to invade England, how would you do it?

Okay, SPAIN, I see that you’re trying to get me to reveal England’s military weaknesses to you. I’m not gonna fall for it. I’m onto you. We have no military weaknesses. 

[askcromwell]

what's your favorite way to fuck w the lords

They have literally no concept of what it is like to grow up without a shit ton of money so they’ll believe everything I tell them about it. I once told Suffolk I had to sell strands of my own hair to make a living when I was younger. He believed it wholeheartedly. Thats… not a thing people do, Charles. No one does that. 

[askcromwell]

who would you rather fight: 100 duck-sized horses, or 1 horse-sized duck?

100 duck-sized horses. Ducks are vicious. I’ve dealt with horses before and as irritating as 100 small horses would be I could probably fight them all off with just a toothpick. 

[askcromwell]

how would you respond to the rumors that gregory has a penchant for carrying frogs around in his mouth?

….Pardon? I must say, of all the rumors about my family that have gone about this is by far one of the strangest.

[askcromwell]

Any advice for how to bop to the top?

Hello, my name is Thomas Cromwell, and I would like to share with you the most amazing book! Hello, it’s a book about political advising since a long long time ago. 

[askcromwell]

Who’s your favorite child?

I love them equally, I really feel like I don’t have one!

[askcromwell]

concerning the hat: it is broke

You know what else is broke? England, pretty frequently, because of the church and warmongering lords and the only thing keeping us in financial stability is me, this hat, and the dissolution of the monasteries so shuT UP. Thanks.

[askcromwell]

would you ever consider wearing a different hat

if it ain’t broke don’t fix it

[englishreformationsuggestions]

die of the sweating sickness

[bishopjohnfisherofrochester]

Suggestion for Cromwell

[askcromwell]

Considering that my wife and daughters died of the sweating sickness, I'll take this as proof that John Fisher is an insensitive prick!

[askcromwell]

Do you think you could set me up with your friend Cranmer?

Cranmer Is A Celibate Holy Man

[askcromwell]

If you had a daughter, would you let her marry Henry?

I did have two daughters, both of whom would have been quite young for the king. If he had taken a liking to one of them, I don’t know if it would have been a question of whether or not I “let” her marry Henry. 

[askcromwell]

opinion on capes?

I’m pretty pro cape as a fashion statement, although they are impractical in battles.

[askcromwell]

do you think you would make a good king?

I’d like to think that I would be a decent king, but I do not think I could compare to King Henry. 

[askcromwell]

Who was your least favorite wife of Henry's so far?

I’ve liked all of them. Probably Anne Boleyn, but as I’ve said before I do still have a great respect for her. 

[askcromwell]

Would you ship your wife through the ocean in a box?

Definitely not. 

[askcromwell]

do you think you would be a good pirate?

I think I would be an excellent pirate. I’m pretty good at sailing, fighting, and generally being a dick.