Ask Ganondorf

I am the Demon King. Lord over all tribes of the Gerudo. Rightful bearer of the Triforce of Power. I am rage incarnate. I am Ganondorf.

[askganon]

I have not been having a good time recently, so I have to ask, even though there's a zero to none chance that you have diabetes

Have you ever experienced low blood sugar? If not, I can assure you it's not fun. Especially when it happens every few hours. Or in the middle of your sleep :)

I have not experienced this, though I have been told the demon of Diabetes is a lifelong battle.

While I do not offer sympathies, as I do not have them to offer, know that I understand a warrior's struggle.

[askganon]

would you rather unlimited bacon but no games or games, unlimited games, but no games

Infinite food for my starving people or unesessary frivolous escapism...

A truly difficult choice.

[askganon]

What do you think of wearing to a formal event whether it’s in the fantasy world of Hyrule or in modern times

Do you assume what I always wear is informal?

If so, then you are in dire need of fashionable education.

[askganon]

If you could have any dog breed which would you pick? I assume some kind of like big dog, you don’t seem like the type to want a tiny yappy lap dog…

It is true. I have little use, and even less patience, for the meager canines. I find them utterly lacking in appeal.

In fact, any canine below a foot tall is completely useless in my eyes.

As for my breed of choice, that answer should be well known to any who consider themselves a fanatic of mine.

It is the Wolfos.

[askganon]

my king, it has been a while—a couple of years now, i believe—since i last sent a message to this form of yours, but tonight, i found myself compelled to do so again.

lately, it seems as if i am living on an endless sea, unable to do much more than drift along the waves on the best of days and tread water on the worst. i want so badly to become a man that you could be proud of, but i'm afraid i haven't been serving you or even myself very well. sometimes, it feels as though all i am here in this world to do is witness it go by. it was not made for someone like me, with a weak body and a fuzzy mind, yet i persist.

forgive me, i have been strangely weepy tonight. i think i am merely exhausted; i even fell asleep in the middle of writing this. in any case, thank you for allowing me to speak, and i hope that the next time i enter your halls, i have better news to share than my continued existence.

All serve their purpose in this realm, be them a great King or scrawny Guay. Do not pit your own achievements against the achievements of others, for we all have our own battles to wage.

Whether you are soaring, sailing, drifting or treading, remember that you are still making progress. While it is never wise to dwell upon your past, it may offer aid to look back upon it and see how far you have come.

For even a single foot step is progress.

[askganon]

You would not believe your eyes

if ten million fireflies

lit up the world as you fell asleep

If I required rest and was met with the ignition of such a sight, I would indeed not believe what I witnessed.

The only light brighter than the insects, I imagine, would be the wave of fire I would summon to destroy them.

[askganon]

The Family of the Vourdalak? I'll look for it in my local library.

You will be better for it.

[askganon]

Salutations, Lord Ganondorf.

I come to you with a request for advice. I trust you are knowledgeable in most subjects, as you are well-traveled and well-studied. Knowing this, I would like to humbly ask your opinion— how does one become courageous? I myself am a coward in some regards and I wish to be less fearful. How would you go about it? What must I do?

You are a coward because your sense of self-preservation is more important than your goals. You have only to find that which matters more to you than your life.

Master and overcome your fear, and you will find your courage.

[askganon]

My lord,

May I... boop the snoot...?

You may not.

[askganon]

What do value most in your life?

To destroy my foes, witness them diminish before my might, and to relish in the cries of those they were to defend.

In short; Power.

[askganon]

Your Majesty, I feel I must apologise for my blunt comment a while ago on the distinction of Lagomorphs, I am aware you have better things to do than bother with such minor trifles, and my desire for self preservation is not to argue with a man who's torso is larger than the average banquet table.

But that being said let me introduce you to my two familiars.

Behold My Lord, Luna and Cricket. You'd probably mildly tolerate Luna, who looks more like a tear in reality than a black lop, she's practically a void. She's the type of rabbit who sits in a chair and judgmentally stares at everyone who dares approach. I imagine she'd approve of you. She headbutts anyone who tries to pick her up. I'm sure you can relate.

The lopsided eared idiot however is Cricket. Aptly named as that's all you can hear between his ears. He has all the grace of a mute Hylian in a pottery shop. He probably has more braincels than the potassium deficient Yiga clan, but that bar is so low a Hinox is doing a limbo under it in The Depths.

I have already banned him from entering your domain but he has an actual addiction to bananas. I could set him on the Yiga clan if it would amuse you and make up for our former minor disagreement.

I do not mind feisty beasts, for I admire their tenacity and disregard for their foes' size. If the void would attempt to bash me with its head by simple lifting it, then I would likely do so often.

The other would make an amusing sight, watching Kohga's forces crumble because of a mere coney.

[askganon]

Good day, Your Majesty. There's something I'd like to know: are you capable of feeling love for someone? I'd like to know because... well... I feel something for you... I don't want to embarrass you, so feel free to answer... With all my affection, Isadora Shirohane

I am indeed capable of love, to a very deep degree.

But I have not felt love for an age, and have no need for it now.

[askganon]

Out of your many incarnations, do you have a favorite?

I do not hold any of my incarnations above...

I do not hold most of my incarnations above others, as they are a product of their eras. However, My time during the Era of Twilight was quite engaging, as was my conquest in the Imprisoning War.

[askganon]

The angel from the tournament has a foe called Hades. Have you ever encountered him?

I have not, though I would have notes should we ever meet.

[askganon]

Greetings great king..i saw another ask which minion you would keep(your response made me cackle) so I must ask.

If you were able to throw any of your minions into death mountain...which 3 would it be?

Kohga, thrice.

[askganon]

Good evening my king!

The second and last day of the Fair was even more successful than the first! I sold many more pieces than I thought I would and made a fairly decent amount! And, perhaps more importantly, I had a good time while doing it. I have another show next Saturday that I'm looking forward to greatly, and will do some work on restocking during the week!

On a related note, any advice for managing a sunburn? My shoulders and upper back have turned a bit crispy.

As to be expected when one heeds my wisdom.

And I have none to offer your crisis of the burns, for my people do not suffer the licks of the sun.

[askganon]

...Have you ever bitten into a hydromelon like an apple?

Of course not, I am no simpleton.

A hydromelon's rind is nothing like an apple's and offers no taste beyond bitterness.