Theodore @asktheodore - Tumblr Blog

#tw manipulation #cw manipulation #tw abuse #cw abuse #team Rocket admin Valeria #team rocket’s apprentice

Well.. the Textbook is coming along great.

He’s obedient, he’s a quick learner, and best of all..

He doesn’t cry. I could beat him to a pulp and he’d just take it and get better.

He’s so brainwashed by that whole “Repaying those who took him in” bullshit that he’ll take whatever I give him.

Hah! He really will be the perfect Textbook.

[Theodore approached the target, his first mission since being under Valeria’s command.]

[The target, a former police officer who had previously attempted to arrest and/or kill various members of Team Rocket, grabbed a knife and swung it at him.]

[Theodore weaved back with little effort, unsheathing his curved sword.]

Sloppy, you must refine your form if you wish to do any good in a one on one duel. Please, observe my form and try again.

[He knocked the knife from the officer’s hands before slashing him three times across the chest with his curved sword, the officer stumbled for a moment before falling to the ground.]

…Hm, you feel surprisingly easy. Perhaps I’m not as terrible at this style as I originally thought.

[He took out a match and set the body ablaze before walking off back to HQ.]

[Another mission complete.]

#team rocket’s apprentice

…I should give it to Serikan.

He’s the one who wanted it in the first place..

He’s the electric trainer anyways, it would fit him better.

bolt-srkn

No, nonononono, I'm not ready for that kinda commitment-!!!

#a child who is nothing #can you guys guess who he caught

…Are you absolutely sure?

I don’t wanna take a pokemon like this from you unless you’re absolutely sure you’re fine with me having it.

#a child who is nothing

…I should give it to Serikan.

He’s the one who wanted it in the first place..

He’s the electric trainer anyways, it would fit him better.

#a child who is nothing

…I..

I just threw an ultra ball..

I didn’t think it would..

…

Oh my Arceus.

[Hypothetically, it's been a day. Autumn and Theodore took the night to recover. It scared the shit out of Jacq, but neither of them realized until the following morning. It starts where all things do; Autumn knocks on the door to the guest bedroom.]

"Theodore? I believe we do need to talk."

[You don't exactly go into your mother's mind, punch her impersonated insecurities to dust, then act like nothing happened.

Autumn sounds more awake, at least, her voice more audible and confident, like normal.]

Hm..?

Oh, right! Yeah, let’s talk.

[His hair looks a little bit disheveled, bags are beginning to develop under his eyes.

He got no sleep last night.]

So.. what are we talking about?

[He shivered slightly, he was obviously pretty shaken from that, but it seemed to really strain him.]

[Autumn lets herself in. And Theodore...]

"Oh, dear, you look– Oh my Arceus, I'm so sorry."

[She passes through the room to sit next to him. She desperately wants to hold him, to comfort him somehow. But how do you comfort someone that's seen your memories and trauma?]

"Please. Tell me everything. Anything from yesterday. What did you see? How do you feel?"

[She's horrified. Because if he's seen everything, she's never going to forgive herself for it.]

…Everything.

[What could he even say?]

I saw all the self-deprecating words.. your dehumanization of yourself.. you bawling during your time as a nurse.

I..

It hurt to see how much you deprecated yourself when you didn’t deserve it.

[He shivered again.]

I’m..

I’m so sorry.

I shouldn’t have seen any of that, I shouldn’t have gone into your mind without your permission, I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.. but..

I couldn’t just let you fall into a depression.

I.. I’ll be fine, you wouldn’t have if I didn’t help.

But.. I’m still sorry for invading like that.

[He felt cold, cold in his very bones. He thought he had seen fucked up shit, but holy ARCEUS that was worse than almost anything he’s seen.]

[But it was his choice to enter her mind, and he’d do it again if it meant keeping his mom safe.]

[Of course it had to be the nursing stuff. She's been dwelling on it more since Theodore constantly reminds her on how many other people she couldn't save. Arguably, one could say she still can't save Theodore.]

"I– Oh geez, I can't even explain that stuff. I–"

[Perhaps she should start from the beginning.]

"–I've had depression for a long time. I was your age, I think."

[She bites her lip. Theodore likely saw some of those memories where she simply just. Sobbed.]

"It's taken years to feel better about myself. Though I've learned that depression doesn't fade, it's just becomes easier to cope with."

[Autumn sees his shivering. She tries to pull him into her, hoping she's a bit warmer.]

"I'm sorry you had to see what I have. I'm sorry you had to hear how I think– no, how I used to think– of myself. No one deserves to see, hear, or feel some of the thoughts in my head. Especially you."

[Of course, she's in tears again.]

"You didn't have to do that. I'm happy you helped, but I promise that you didn't have to do that. I would have been ok."

[Surely she would have, right?]

"I'm always here for you. You are one of the most important people in my life."

#tw depression #cw depression #tw dehumanization #cw dehumanisation #normal theodore #a @!$? monarch #tw trauma #cw trauma

[The shivering lessened a little bit when she pulled him in.]

…Thank you.

[He reciprocated the hug soon after, he was at least just happy that she was ok now.]

…At least it’s over, or, at least those voices in your head are gone for now, right?

Cause as much as I’d be happy to help you again, I.. I don’t think I can right now.

[He really couldn’t, not if one time left him like this.]

Just know I’m here for you too, mom.

I promise.

"Theodore? I believe we do need to talk."

[You don't exactly go into your mother's mind, punch her impersonated insecurities to dust, then act like nothing happened.

Autumn sounds more awake, at least, her voice more audible and confident, like normal.]

Hm..?

Oh, right! Yeah, let’s talk.

[His hair looks a little bit disheveled, bags are beginning to develop under his eyes.

He got no sleep last night.]

So.. what are we talking about?

[He shivered slightly, he was obviously pretty shaken from that, but it seemed to really strain him.]

[Autumn lets herself in. And Theodore...]

"Oh, dear, you look– Oh my Arceus, I'm so sorry."

[She passes through the room to sit next to him. She desperately wants to hold him, to comfort him somehow. But how do you comfort someone that's seen your memories and trauma?]

"Please. Tell me everything. Anything from yesterday. What did you see? How do you feel?"

[She's horrified. Because if he's seen everything, she's never going to forgive herself for it.]

#normal theodore #a @!$? monarch #tw depression #cw depression #tw dehumanization #cw dehumanisation #tw trauma #cw trauma

…Everything.

[What could he even say?]

I saw all the self-deprecating words.. your dehumanization of yourself.. you bawling during your time as a nurse.

I..

It hurt to see how much you deprecated yourself when you didn’t deserve it.

[He shivered again.]

I’m..

I’m so sorry.

I shouldn’t have seen any of that, I shouldn’t have gone into your mind without your permission, I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.. but..

I couldn’t just let you fall into a depression.

I.. I’ll be fine, you wouldn’t have if I didn’t help.

But.. I’m still sorry for invading like that.

[He felt cold, cold in his very bones. He thought he had seen fucked up shit, but holy ARCEUS that was worse than almost anything he’s seen.]

[But it was his choice to enter her mind, and he’d do it again if it meant keeping his mom safe.]

"Theodore? I believe we do need to talk."

[You don't exactly go into your mother's mind, punch her impersonated insecurities to dust, then act like nothing happened.

Autumn sounds more awake, at least, her voice more audible and confident, like normal.]

Hm..?

Oh, right! Yeah, let’s talk.

[His hair looks a little bit disheveled, bags are beginning to develop under his eyes.

He got no sleep last night.]

So.. what are we talking about?

[He shivered slightly, he was obviously pretty shaken from that, but it seemed to really strain him.]

I did

(Theodore has fallen asleep)

bolt-srkn

I would hate to need somebody to look through my memories. That would be. Really embarrassing.

And what would you know about that, huh?

Hey mom?

Can I talk to you about something?

@asktheodore)

How can I help you, dear? If this about the adoption stuff, I'm waiting for the court to call back...

So.. you know how you went into my mind before..?

Well.. I wanted to return the favor, since you don’t seem to be doing very well.

[He’s thought this through, and he’s fully convinced that he’s willing to do this.]

It would be less chaotic since you’ll know I’m going in.. and I’ll try my best not to look at any memories you don’t wanna see. Mewtwo could get me in easily too.

"–No!"

[It took her a moment to process (she did not sleep at all), but she quickly waves her hands.]

"No. No, no, no, no! You do not need to see the inside of my head."

[She's gone through a lot; seen things humans should have never seen, been through things no human should have to. Then again, isn't that everyone?

Alas, Autumn's job is to protect Theodore. That includes from her mind, too. There's a reason she had to submit medical records to prove that she's sound and safe for a child to be around.]

"My mind is more convoluted than you think. You shouldn't see that."

[Even then.]

"It's not up to you to deal with my problems. You're my child. My problems are mine. I'd want to keep it that way."

[Her Delphox, Scar, steps behind her. It knows.]

I..

[He doesn’t wanna push, he felt wrong doing so.]

…I understand..

[What could he really say? She was right, he shouldn’t see what’s in there.]

[But.. she went into his without him even knowing just so she could save him.]

[He was at least telling her beforehand.]

But.. I can’t just let this keep going.

I.. I promise I won’t look at any memories you don’t want me to, and I’ll only focus on stopping whatever in your mind is causing this.

Just.. please, let me help you, just like you’ve helped me.

[He’s really not good at arguing.

But he’s not taking no for an answer if his mom needs help.]

[Scar places one of its paws on Autumn's shoulder. She seemingly relaxes at its touch.]

"Theodore. I–"

[Slower blinks. It's almost as if Scar is–]

"–I–"

[Autumn grows weak on her feet. Scar catches her as she almost falls, slowly coming to lay her down. Scar looks towards Theodore.]

She won't accept your help, but I will for her.

[Hgh! This telepathic speech is weird.]

Come here, lay down. I'll assist you.

I know what she doesn't want you to see. But I also know what you may want to.

…Thank you, Scar.

[He obliges, laying down.]

…I really hope this works.

[As Theodore dozes off, he's made re-aware to see a world that seems to span forever and everywhere. A strange void cloud-like world. The surroundings are dark, but the ground looks as if it's paved of gold. It also seems Scar summoned itself in her mind, too.

Around seem to be blurred memories. Mostly happy, they seem, glowing a bit brighter than others. Some birthdays, some activities, friends she's made, along with a long list of accomplishments and achievements. Her graduations, her first job, the first research book she published– Wow, she's done everything, hasn't she?

There's even a recent one, with the letter from the adoption agency in her hands, before it shows her looking at Theodore. A small voice, Autumn's, echos quietly, "I actually did it."

The Pokémon keeps trotting forward.]

Follow me. Though feel free to look, I believe she wouldn't mind you seeing this.

[...After all, these memories seem fairly happy so far.]

…Huh.

[Weird. All these memories seem happy.]

[He begins to walk, his eyes darting around as he sees all the memories.]

[She had a good family, she had a job, these memories all seem happy and good.]

[She must’ve started feeling like this once shit hit the fan with that team. Or, that’s what he assumed.]

[Even Scar seems somewhat sentimental. It pulls a memory from behind a few others; Autumn is holding a small Fennekin up. Presumably, that's a young Scar.

As they keep pushing forward, the memories grow darker. Likely less vivid in her mind, or less relevant. Some of them are still bright, it looks like there's a few with Jacq as such, but the rest seem mundane. Some views of sunsets, some moments with students when she was a tutor, and some during her research and time as a professor. Distortion, there's even some where she's with patients at the hospital, however, those look blurrier than the others. She might be trying to forget those.

The gold shimmers beneath their feet, growing duller as they keep walking. There's a fork in the path ahead. The left looks red, a dark red, while the other one on the right looks like a navy blue. Scar pauses at the split and looks between both.]

Neither is a good direction to go. I'd have to cover your eyes and ears either way. This is what she's afraid of you knowing.

[Both sides look traumatic in a sense. Both also seem louder than the voices connected to the memories earlier. Theodore can hear the voices from here, but can't make out the words.]

I'd suggest staying right to avoid anything graphic.

[Well, Scar can't see Theodore right now, so technically he could go the other route if he wanted to...]

[As much as he wanted to listen..]

[Autumn saw a lot of things he never wanted anybody to see.]

[And even without that, curiosity was getting the better of him.]

[He mumbled a small apology before going down the left path.]

[Alright, he was really in this now, no more Scar to guide him. Just him looking through her memories.]

[…]

…I’m sorry, mom..

But I have to see what’s causing this.

[Theodore's soundings grow red around him. An angry red, some sides a deep red, just varied all around. The path beneath him is still gold, but dull in its shimmer. Arguably, it looks as if someone has walked here a lot.

At first, there's very action packed memories. Blurred before him, Autumn is fighting some seemingly taller, buffer people. She looks up to someone who seems scared of her. Her voice echos in the memory, "I warned them. They mess with you, they mess with us. Let's get home now."

Seems like Autumn still follows a similar sentiment.

One of the memories is simply her in a mirror, distraught in tears. Actually, there's a lot here. The one that stands out the most is one where she's beat and bruised, in a mirror that looks like Jacq's. Actually, it is Jacq's mirror– This was after she was kidnapped.

"I am. Not Autumn."

The memory fades temporarily before brightening a bit. Jacq stands behind her when it does. There's more behind that particular thought, though.

The other memories jump sporadically through timeline. Most are from the hospital, during her time as a nurse. Some are bloodied people and Pokémon, disturbing images clearly cut off by her subconscious.

There's ringing of machines, likely indicating death for each of the memories here. Despite how little time she was a nurse (how much was it again?), there's a lot of these memories. Each and every one of them seem to disturb her to the point that she hides them here.

"I can't save them. I couldn't save them. I will never be able to."

The last one likely stands out to Theodore the most. Likely because it's him, blooded and covered in bleeding scratches. Despite how the room spun in her head, she pushed through. A small comment, "I can't do much, but I'm going to try."

Some memories surface behind that one in particular after the comment. A lot of the mirror ones, but other ones where there's just sobbing and tears in general, the worst being painful to herself. Before Theodore could investigate those more, something covered his eyes.]

Dear child, do not look too deep.

[Scar covers his eyes with its paws. However, there's one last thing he hears before the Pokémon covers his ears: "I am not enough." There's muffled sobbing. "I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying my best!"]

I wouldn't wish for you to see more.

[Well, Theodore, you made it your business now.]

[Oh. Oh wow.]

[So she was a nurse, she must have lost a lot of patients, that explains a lot.]

[Still, no nurse can save everybody, she shouldn’t be dehumanizing herself that much over it, should she?]

[That memory of her being kidnapped..]

[…That alone proved this was the route he had to be on if he wanted to help her.]

[Even though he couldn’t hear, he began to speak.]

Mom..

Don’t degrade yourself like this.. no nurse can save everyone..

You’re still Autumn, you’re still the strongest person I know.. you’re.. you’re still the professor that saved a child who thought he couldn’t be saved.

Cmon, mom.. please…

[He knows what he has to do, and Scar is not going to like it.]

…I’m sorry, Scar.

[He grabs scar’s paws and begins to pull them away with all of his might, grunting slightly.]

But.. this is the path I need to go down to help her..

And I’m not leaving until i succeed.

She wouldn't want you to at least see this. Just keep walking.

[Scar pushes them forward, attempting to keep its paws over Theodore's view.]

Eventually she'll realize we're here and form a path to her... I hope.

[Until then. The most what Theodore hears is ultimately just dehumanizing. Words that would never come out of her mouth to anyone, words she'd refute if someone said it about themselves, but words she ultimately held somewhere in her head. Different phrases repeat around before it settles to one:

"I will never be enough!"

The ground shakes a bit at the statement, Scar moving to secure Theodore to itself instead. The memory that stands in front is vivid; In front of her is Theodore in the hospital bed.

And Terastalis.

Clouds seemed to be navy blue now. Almost as if he had managed to switch paths. Though, it looks as if the world is constructing itself as they walk. The red, graphic path was just part of everything. It's almost as if everything is connected. Theodore's choice may have not just mattered.

Does that make this some sort of maze? Do certain memories force new paths?

Looking to Scar, it seems unpleased with this memory. Its paw reaches out to it, rewinding the memory to see Terastalis's face.]

This is a lead. She forced this here despite taking a different track...

[Hearing her say those things about herself, it was like his heart got stabbed a thousand times.]

[It was still regular at least, for now.]

[Then the lead registered.]

…

HIM.

[Of course it’s that fucking bastard. The one that even made him transform in the first place.]

…Ok, so if that’s motherfucker, then I have to follow the string of memories and thoughts containing him, right?

[He reaches his hand out toward the memory, maybe if he can focus in on Terastalis, he can get more thoughts and memories related to him to appear.]

Perhaps. This could lead to her and whatever she's struggling with.

[More memories appear behind, forming a new, lighter path. The navy blue fades into a light, sky blue.

There's one more memory at the hospital, one where his voice echoes "the boss," but it seems only half relevant to the rest of her thoughts.

...the rest seem centered around Theodore. How they met, how she's come to support him, how she's seen his downfall, his redemption– she's seen it.

There are "papers" on the ground, covering some of the gold. Some of the texts look familiar, one even holding his hyphenated last name (was that a draft or reality?), but some less familiar than others.

Who knew someone could have memories of memories? Some of what she saw in his head are here too, given he looks far enough. The more graphic memories are blurred, dark, and further back. She likely doesn't want to remember those.

"I care so much. I wonder if I'm good enough for you?"Before Theodore could respond, she answers herself, "You tell me that I am, and I can only hope you're being truthful."

Clearly, Autumn is aware he's here. At least, aware enough.

Another two memories surface. Her fighting. Her heartbeats quickly. That's most of what she remembers. One of the memories has Theodore being carried by Scar in the end, the other fades to black. Surrounded by those are just, smaller moments. Meals she's made, conversations they've had.

She knows she cares a lot. Perhaps these memories surfaced to justify herself, finally; She is doing enough.]

Ah. I believe this is...

[The Pokémon doesn't finish its sentence. Scar plays over the memory that started it all: Prism Tower. It gazes at itself battling Henry's Pokémon.]

This I know: She's scared you'll blame yourself.

[That's why she didn't want his help.]

…

[“Scared you’ll blame yourself.”]

[…Blame himself?]

[Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.]

…Blame myself..?

[That’s what it all comes back to, huh?

It always comes back to THIS.

This damn memory, this damn moment, it all comes back to the day they met.]

…

[Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.]

…

[Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump.]

…

I..

I can’t just not blame myself.. when it always comes back to this.

[Dammit. Snap out of it. This is about saving her, you can go into your own mind with Mewtwo.]

[He runs his hand along the memory, he was curious on how a memory feels, a memory like this at least.]

[The one that snowballed into everything.]

…So this is the memory?

The one that branches out into it all?

Or.. is this just one spec in it all?

I'm not sure. The memory of Terastalis brought us here. I feel like this has more to do with Henry, though.

[...even Scar doesn't know. No one knows.]

She blames him for a lot, alongside herself, it seems.

[Voices echoes.

"I could have done better."

"I should have kept you out of this."

"I wish I had made better choices."

"But Henry left me none and unfortunately that caused you to be part of this too... I'm so sorry."

The memory seems to shift more between her, her Pokémon, and Theodore. When she talks, her gaze shifts more to him. Mentioning Henry forced her gaze at him.]

I've never understood why she blames herself for this. She did her best. She took on herself to take care of you once she realized what you both had.

[The memory feels sharp and cold against Theodore's hands. It was like touching a storm cloud ready to strike lightning and rain hail.]

This event was never your fault, Theodore.

[...Scar sounds like Autumn, in the way it speaks somewhat like her. It only makes sense it thinks like her, too.]

[He was out of things to say.]

[What could he even do? He couldn’t stop her from blaming herself, he couldn’t stop himself when it came to blaming himself for stuff.]

[He couldn’t comfort her, he just couldn’t save her.]

[…]

….

……

Oh to FUCKING HELL WITH IT!

[Enough with being civil, enough with trying to be soft.]

TO FUCKING HELL WITH BEING “CIVIL”!

[Maybe this was the best thing to happen, honestly.

Cause he was gonna pour his unfiltered heart out.]

NONE OF THIS WAS EVER YOUR FAULT!

IT WAS HIS! WHO STOLE YOUR PRIMARINA!? WHO CAUSED ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!? WHO ACTIVATED THAT FUCKING FORM!?

NOT YOU!

YOU JUST DID THE BEST YOU COULD IN THAT SITUATION AND THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A FAILURE!

YOU STILL CAME OUT ON TOP, DIDN’T YOU!? YOU STILL MADE IT AND LEARNED SOMETHING OUT OF ALL THIS!

I’M NOT LETTING THAT FUCKING BASTARD MAKE YOU FALL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION!

[Maybe he was being harsh. He didn’t care, not when his mom’s health was on the line.]

You have me! You have Jacq! You have people who will care about you no matter what and always be there for you!

You saved me when I thought I was unsaveable! You single-handedly convinced me that maybe, just maybe I had a CHANCE at becoming someone better.

If that doesn’t show how strong you are.. THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL!

So please.. for the love of Arceus.. just listen to me.

You. Are not. AT FAULT. Especially not for prism tower! That was my choice to come along! MINE!

I don’t care if you’re 500 feet deep in a depression..

I’m gonna help you get out of it.. NO. MATTER. WHAT!

[He finally stops, taking a deep breath.

That may have been the most passionate rant he’s ever had.]

[And the worst part.

It probably didn’t even help at all.]

[... Even Scar looked shocked. It has to cover its ears (given, they're definitely more sensitive here). But it seemingly listened through it.

Hopefully Autumn did, too. Some of the world seems to color shift after Theodore's rant. Is it making a path?

Scar goes ahead and says what they likely both know:]

She's already aware. I hope.

[The Delphox presses the memory again.]

I believe these are insecurities. Often, I think, these don't bother her, but this is to show that even after everything, nothing will make that disappear. Those insecurities don't vanish, they just linger quietly.

[She has been content recently. Perhaps they're just looking at the mental scars.]

We're in a part of her mind where these are more relevant, unfortunately.

[And the depression likely doesn't help.]

I assume she heard you though. Perhaps she'll reflect and provide a path for us?

[Great, Scar useless in regards to ideas. What now?]

I have an idea.

[His terastal arm begins to pulse. He approaches the incomplete path.]

...I'm gonna fuckin leap.

[He begins to run, a symbol that looks like a vine spreads on his terastal arm.. and he leaps.]

[...]

[Theodore has learned Vine Whip!]

[Vines shoot out of his terastal arm, going out towards nothing, as if reaching toward an impossible heaven.]

[And he soon, inevitably begins to plummet.]

[Theodore isn't left to free fall for long. His fall quickly slows, as if controlled, before letting his feet meet the ground again. What he sees is undeniable though: Autumn with a blanket around her shoulders, along with what seems to be Terastalis and Henry taunting her.]

"Shut up! You wouldn't have done better!"

[Autumn tugs on the blanket around her. Turn around and–]

"–Shit! Theodore!"

[Her feet move on their own. She looks scared, terrified, tired, sad, everything.]

"I told you I– I didn't want you to see this, I didn't want you to see any of this!"

[One of her hands clasps her blanket. It's a simple gray one. It's one of Jacq's many, but this one seems to be a preference to her.]

"I– I mean– I heard you but– Oh my Arceus, I'm the worst mother ever!"

[Henry and Terastalis didn't matter to her right now. Actually they seem unbothered by her talking with him.

Autumn quite literally falls to her knees, into tears. She didn't want Theodore to be part of her problems. She has resources, friends, a therapist, everything. These are her problems to deal with, not his. Yet Theodore being here has happened anyways.

That's twice now.]

You know that’s not true.

[The vines gently wrap around her and bring her to him, once she’s actually there, he just wraps his arms around her and hugs her.]

It’s ok mom.. I’m here for you. And Jacq will be here for you too once we’re back.

[Was he even doing this right?]

[Who cares, he just needed to do his best right now.]

It’ll be ok. Everything will be ok.

Don’t listen to those people telling you you’re not fit.

You obviously wouldn’t have those papers accepting your request if you weren’t, right?

[He stays hugging her, hoping to be some kind of anchor.]

It’s.. it’s ok if you need to cry or shout or do whatever, just know I’ll be right here.

"Theodore, I– Fuck, I don't how how to explain this but I–"

[Autumn looks behind her. Henry and Terastalis. They're back to taunting her now that she's aware of them.]

"I– I haven't been able to get rid of them."

[She looks batshit insane, then again, hearing the same degrading things over and over again does that. Especially when it's every night when you're supposed to sleep.]

"I've tried everything, I've ignored them, I've fought back, nothing works–"

[Her arms move around him, albeit hesitantly. After all, she didn't want him involved in the first place.]

"–Now you're here and I didn't even– I didn't even want you to– This is something for me and literally anyone else to sort out– I'm sorry, I'm so sorry–"

[Henry and Terastalis grow a bit louder behind her. To Theodore, it sounds like half gibberish, but it's likely they're repeating what Autumn already says about herself. The words he can make out make the statements similar to how she isn't fit and not, and never will be, a good mother.

If only there was a way to get rid of them...]

I.. I can’t just let them drive you insane..

[But what could he do?

He had nothing more to say, no more rants to do, nothing else in his heart to pour out.]

[Other than the pure, unbridled HATRED in him for those two people.]

…Stop..

[His arm began to morph into that familiar tusk.]

Torturing..

[His eyes began to dilate like a predator going after its prey.]

MY MOTHER!

[He lunged at Henry first, slashing his arm directly at the voice’s head.

Then Terastalis, he thrusted his arm like a spear, aiming for the voice’s heart.]

LEAVE! GO! GET AWAY FROM HER!

[If he couldn’t say anything else..

Then he’d just get rid of those voices with force.]

[When Theodore attacks them, Autumn tries to hold him back, albeit, the spirits fade the moment Theodore makes contact with them. They're gone, turning into dust forming the clouds. She's simply just left in shock.

What's taunted her for the past few days is gone? Just like that? There has to be more of an explanation. She swore there was more to this, they had to be spirits or something!

Autumn steps up from the ground beneath her, moving towards where the two were standing. Her free hand moves around. They're gone. They're just, gone. Nothing further.]

"How?"

[She swore they were here, fucking with her mind, taunting her as if she was absolutely nothing to them. She saw them, she talked to them, she even punched Henry once in the dream. Then they kept coming back, worse than the last, and–]

"–Was this seriously just my head?"

[Is she just scared?

Were they real at first? They had to be. So why did they stick around for so long? They didn't say much at first but they spoke more later. The last few interactions meant something, right?

Did she just imagine the last few talks? Were they real, better intentioned at first, then her mind abused her insecurity?]

"I swear they were real. I could touch them, I felt them. I even hurt Henry just from being so upset, there's simply no way they were just figments of my imagination the entire time."

[Right? This isn't just her beating herself up again, right? Wasn't she finally over that? She wasn't that insecure anymore, right?]

#tw depression #cw depression #tw self loathing #cw self loathing #tw trauma #cw trauma #tw insanity mention #normal theodore #a @!$? monarch

Is..

Is it..

Did I do it..?

[He stumbles a little, but manages to keep himself up.]

Are.. are the voices gone now mom..?

[He had to have done it. He had to have. There’s no way they’re still there.]

[He was out of things to do, and he may not be able to handle it if they come back again like this.]

Hey mom?

Can I talk to you about something?

@asktheodore)

How can I help you, dear? If this about the adoption stuff, I'm waiting for the court to call back...

So.. you know how you went into my mind before..?

Well.. I wanted to return the favor, since you don’t seem to be doing very well.

[He’s thought this through, and he’s fully convinced that he’s willing to do this.]

It would be less chaotic since you’ll know I’m going in.. and I’ll try my best not to look at any memories you don’t wanna see. Mewtwo could get me in easily too.

"–No!"

[It took her a moment to process (she did not sleep at all), but she quickly waves her hands.]

"No. No, no, no, no! You do not need to see the inside of my head."

[She's gone through a lot; seen things humans should have never seen, been through things no human should have to. Then again, isn't that everyone?

Alas, Autumn's job is to protect Theodore. That includes from her mind, too. There's a reason she had to submit medical records to prove that she's sound and safe for a child to be around.]

"My mind is more convoluted than you think. You shouldn't see that."

[Even then.]

"It's not up to you to deal with my problems. You're my child. My problems are mine. I'd want to keep it that way."

[Her Delphox, Scar, steps behind her. It knows.]

I..

[He doesn’t wanna push, he felt wrong doing so.]

…I understand..

[What could he really say? She was right, he shouldn’t see what’s in there.]

[But.. she went into his without him even knowing just so she could save him.]

[He was at least telling her beforehand.]

But.. I can’t just let this keep going.

I.. I promise I won’t look at any memories you don’t want me to, and I’ll only focus on stopping whatever in your mind is causing this.

Just.. please, let me help you, just like you’ve helped me.

[He’s really not good at arguing.

But he’s not taking no for an answer if his mom needs help.]

[Scar places one of its paws on Autumn's shoulder. She seemingly relaxes at its touch.]

"Theodore. I–"

[Slower blinks. It's almost as if Scar is–]

"–I–"

[Autumn grows weak on her feet. Scar catches her as she almost falls, slowly coming to lay her down. Scar looks towards Theodore.]

She won't accept your help, but I will for her.

[Hgh! This telepathic speech is weird.]

Come here, lay down. I'll assist you.

I know what she doesn't want you to see. But I also know what you may want to.

…Thank you, Scar.

[He obliges, laying down.]

…I really hope this works.

There's even a recent one, with the letter from the adoption agency in her hands, before it shows her looking at Theodore. A small voice, Autumn's, echos quietly, "I actually did it."

The Pokémon keeps trotting forward.]

Follow me. Though feel free to look, I believe she wouldn't mind you seeing this.

[...After all, these memories seem fairly happy so far.]

…Huh.

[Weird. All these memories seem happy.]

[He begins to walk, his eyes darting around as he sees all the memories.]

[She had a good family, she had a job, these memories all seem happy and good.]

[She must’ve started feeling like this once shit hit the fan with that team. Or, that’s what he assumed.]

[Even Scar seems somewhat sentimental. It pulls a memory from behind a few others; Autumn is holding a small Fennekin up. Presumably, that's a young Scar.

Neither is a good direction to go. I'd have to cover your eyes and ears either way. This is what she's afraid of you knowing.

[Both sides look traumatic in a sense. Both also seem louder than the voices connected to the memories earlier. Theodore can hear the voices from here, but can't make out the words.]

I'd suggest staying right to avoid anything graphic.

[Well, Scar can't see Theodore right now, so technically he could go the other route if he wanted to...]

[As much as he wanted to listen..]

[Autumn saw a lot of things he never wanted anybody to see.]

[And even without that, curiosity was getting the better of him.]

[He mumbled a small apology before going down the left path.]

[Alright, he was really in this now, no more Scar to guide him. Just him looking through her memories.]

[…]

…I’m sorry, mom..

But I have to see what’s causing this.

Seems like Autumn still follows a similar sentiment.

"I am. Not Autumn."

The memory fades temporarily before brightening a bit. Jacq stands behind her when it does. There's more behind that particular thought, though.

"I can't save them. I couldn't save them. I will never be able to."

Dear child, do not look too deep.

I wouldn't wish for you to see more.

[Well, Theodore, you made it your business now.]

[Oh. Oh wow.]

[So she was a nurse, she must have lost a lot of patients, that explains a lot.]

[Still, no nurse can save everybody, she shouldn’t be dehumanizing herself that much over it, should she?]

[That memory of her being kidnapped..]

[…That alone proved this was the route he had to be on if he wanted to help her.]

[Even though he couldn’t hear, he began to speak.]

Mom..

Don’t degrade yourself like this.. no nurse can save everyone..

You’re still Autumn, you’re still the strongest person I know.. you’re.. you’re still the professor that saved a child who thought he couldn’t be saved.

Cmon, mom.. please…

[He knows what he has to do, and Scar is not going to like it.]

…I’m sorry, Scar.

[He grabs scar’s paws and begins to pull them away with all of his might, grunting slightly.]

But.. this is the path I need to go down to help her..

And I’m not leaving until i succeed.

She wouldn't want you to at least see this. Just keep walking.

[Scar pushes them forward, attempting to keep its paws over Theodore's view.]

Eventually she'll realize we're here and form a path to her... I hope.

"I will never be enough!"

The ground shakes a bit at the statement, Scar moving to secure Theodore to itself instead. The memory that stands in front is vivid; In front of her is Theodore in the hospital bed.

And Terastalis.

Does that make this some sort of maze? Do certain memories force new paths?

Looking to Scar, it seems unpleased with this memory. Its paw reaches out to it, rewinding the memory to see Terastalis's face.]

This is a lead. She forced this here despite taking a different track...

[Hearing her say those things about herself, it was like his heart got stabbed a thousand times.]

[It was still regular at least, for now.]

[Then the lead registered.]

…

HIM.

[Of course it’s that fucking bastard. The one that even made him transform in the first place.]

…Ok, so if that’s motherfucker, then I have to follow the string of memories and thoughts containing him, right?

[He reaches his hand out toward the memory, maybe if he can focus in on Terastalis, he can get more thoughts and memories related to him to appear.]

Perhaps. This could lead to her and whatever she's struggling with.

[More memories appear behind, forming a new, lighter path. The navy blue fades into a light, sky blue.

There's one more memory at the hospital, one where his voice echoes "the boss," but it seems only half relevant to the rest of her thoughts.

...the rest seem centered around Theodore. How they met, how she's come to support him, how she's seen his downfall, his redemption– she's seen it.

"I care so much. I wonder if I'm good enough for you?"Before Theodore could respond, she answers herself, "You tell me that I am, and I can only hope you're being truthful."

Clearly, Autumn is aware he's here. At least, aware enough.

She knows she cares a lot. Perhaps these memories surfaced to justify herself, finally; She is doing enough.]

Ah. I believe this is...

[The Pokémon doesn't finish its sentence. Scar plays over the memory that started it all: Prism Tower. It gazes at itself battling Henry's Pokémon.]

This I know: She's scared you'll blame yourself.

[That's why she didn't want his help.]

…

[“Scared you’ll blame yourself.”]

[…Blame himself?]

[Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.]

…Blame myself..?

[That’s what it all comes back to, huh?

It always comes back to THIS.

This damn memory, this damn moment, it all comes back to the day they met.]

…

[Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.]

…

[Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump.]

…

I..

I can’t just not blame myself.. when it always comes back to this.

[Dammit. Snap out of it. This is about saving her, you can go into your own mind with Mewtwo.]

[He runs his hand along the memory, he was curious on how a memory feels, a memory like this at least.]

[The one that snowballed into everything.]

…So this is the memory?

The one that branches out into it all?

Or.. is this just one spec in it all?

I'm not sure. The memory of Terastalis brought us here. I feel like this has more to do with Henry, though.

[...even Scar doesn't know. No one knows.]

She blames him for a lot, alongside herself, it seems.

[Voices echoes.

"I could have done better."

"I should have kept you out of this."

"I wish I had made better choices."

"But Henry left me none and unfortunately that caused you to be part of this too... I'm so sorry."

The memory seems to shift more between her, her Pokémon, and Theodore. When she talks, her gaze shifts more to him. Mentioning Henry forced her gaze at him.]

I've never understood why she blames herself for this. She did her best. She took on herself to take care of you once she realized what you both had.

[The memory feels sharp and cold against Theodore's hands. It was like touching a storm cloud ready to strike lightning and rain hail.]

This event was never your fault, Theodore.

[...Scar sounds like Autumn, in the way it speaks somewhat like her. It only makes sense it thinks like her, too.]

[He was out of things to say.]

[What could he even do? He couldn’t stop her from blaming herself, he couldn’t stop himself when it came to blaming himself for stuff.]

[He couldn’t comfort her, he just couldn’t save her.]

[…]

….

……

Oh to FUCKING HELL WITH IT!

[Enough with being civil, enough with trying to be soft.]

TO FUCKING HELL WITH BEING “CIVIL”!

[Maybe this was the best thing to happen, honestly.

Cause he was gonna pour his unfiltered heart out.]

NONE OF THIS WAS EVER YOUR FAULT!

IT WAS HIS! WHO STOLE YOUR PRIMARINA!? WHO CAUSED ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!? WHO ACTIVATED THAT FUCKING FORM!?

NOT YOU!

YOU JUST DID THE BEST YOU COULD IN THAT SITUATION AND THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A FAILURE!

YOU STILL CAME OUT ON TOP, DIDN’T YOU!? YOU STILL MADE IT AND LEARNED SOMETHING OUT OF ALL THIS!

I’M NOT LETTING THAT FUCKING BASTARD MAKE YOU FALL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION!

[Maybe he was being harsh. He didn’t care, not when his mom’s health was on the line.]

You have me! You have Jacq! You have people who will care about you no matter what and always be there for you!

You saved me when I thought I was unsaveable! You single-handedly convinced me that maybe, just maybe I had a CHANCE at becoming someone better.

If that doesn’t show how strong you are.. THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL!

So please.. for the love of Arceus.. just listen to me.

You. Are not. AT FAULT. Especially not for prism tower! That was my choice to come along! MINE!

I don’t care if you’re 500 feet deep in a depression..

I’m gonna help you get out of it.. NO. MATTER. WHAT!

[He finally stops, taking a deep breath.

That may have been the most passionate rant he’s ever had.]

[And the worst part.

It probably didn’t even help at all.]

[... Even Scar looked shocked. It has to cover its ears (given, they're definitely more sensitive here). But it seemingly listened through it.

Hopefully Autumn did, too. Some of the world seems to color shift after Theodore's rant. Is it making a path?

Scar goes ahead and says what they likely both know:]

She's already aware. I hope.

[The Delphox presses the memory again.]

[She has been content recently. Perhaps they're just looking at the mental scars.]

We're in a part of her mind where these are more relevant, unfortunately.

[And the depression likely doesn't help.]

I assume she heard you though. Perhaps she'll reflect and provide a path for us?

[Great, Scar useless in regards to ideas. What now?]

I have an idea.

[His terastal arm begins to pulse. He approaches the incomplete path.]

...I'm gonna fuckin leap.

[He begins to run, a symbol that looks like a vine spreads on his terastal arm.. and he leaps.]

[...]

[Theodore has learned Vine Whip!]

[Vines shoot out of his terastal arm, going out towards nothing, as if reaching toward an impossible heaven.]

[And he soon, inevitably begins to plummet.]

"Shut up! You wouldn't have done better!"

[Autumn tugs on the blanket around her. Turn around and–]

"–Shit! Theodore!"

[Her feet move on their own. She looks scared, terrified, tired, sad, everything.]

"I told you I– I didn't want you to see this, I didn't want you to see any of this!"

[One of her hands clasps her blanket. It's a simple gray one. It's one of Jacq's many, but this one seems to be a preference to her.]

"I– I mean– I heard you but– Oh my Arceus, I'm the worst mother ever!"

[Henry and Terastalis didn't matter to her right now. Actually they seem unbothered by her talking with him.

That's twice now.]

You know that’s not true.

[The vines gently wrap around her and bring her to him, once she’s actually there, he just wraps his arms around her and hugs her.]

It’s ok mom.. I’m here for you. And Jacq will be here for you too once we’re back.

[Was he even doing this right?]

[Who cares, he just needed to do his best right now.]

It’ll be ok. Everything will be ok.

Don’t listen to those people telling you you’re not fit.

You obviously wouldn’t have those papers accepting your request if you weren’t, right?

[He stays hugging her, hoping to be some kind of anchor.]

It’s.. it’s ok if you need to cry or shout or do whatever, just know I’ll be right here.

"Theodore, I– Fuck, I don't how how to explain this but I–"

[Autumn looks behind her. Henry and Terastalis. They're back to taunting her now that she's aware of them.]

"I– I haven't been able to get rid of them."

[She looks batshit insane, then again, hearing the same degrading things over and over again does that. Especially when it's every night when you're supposed to sleep.]

"I've tried everything, I've ignored them, I've fought back, nothing works–"

[Her arms move around him, albeit hesitantly. After all, she didn't want him involved in the first place.]

"–Now you're here and I didn't even– I didn't even want you to– This is something for me and literally anyone else to sort out– I'm sorry, I'm so sorry–"

If only there was a way to get rid of them...]

#tw depression #cw depression #tw self loathing #cw self loathing #tw trauma #cw trauma #normal theodore #a @!$? monarch

I.. I can’t just let them drive you insane..

[But what could he do?

He had nothing more to say, no more rants to do, nothing else in his heart to pour out.]

[Other than the pure, unbridled HATRED in him for those two people.]

…Stop..

[His arm began to morph into that familiar tusk.]

Torturing..

[His eyes began to dilate like a predator going after its prey.]

MY MOTHER!

[He lunged at Henry first, slashing his arm directly at the voice’s head.

Then Terastalis, he thrusted his arm like a spear, aiming for the voice’s heart.]

LEAVE! GO! GET AWAY FROM HER!

[If he couldn’t say anything else..

Then he’d just get rid of those voices with force.]

Hey mom?

Can I talk to you about something?

@asktheodore)

How can I help you, dear? If this about the adoption stuff, I'm waiting for the court to call back...

So.. you know how you went into my mind before..?

Well.. I wanted to return the favor, since you don’t seem to be doing very well.

[He’s thought this through, and he’s fully convinced that he’s willing to do this.]

It would be less chaotic since you’ll know I’m going in.. and I’ll try my best not to look at any memories you don’t wanna see. Mewtwo could get me in easily too.

"–No!"

[It took her a moment to process (she did not sleep at all), but she quickly waves her hands.]

"No. No, no, no, no! You do not need to see the inside of my head."

[She's gone through a lot; seen things humans should have never seen, been through things no human should have to. Then again, isn't that everyone?

Alas, Autumn's job is to protect Theodore. That includes from her mind, too. There's a reason she had to submit medical records to prove that she's sound and safe for a child to be around.]

"My mind is more convoluted than you think. You shouldn't see that."

[Even then.]

"It's not up to you to deal with my problems. You're my child. My problems are mine. I'd want to keep it that way."

[Her Delphox, Scar, steps behind her. It knows.]

I..

[He doesn’t wanna push, he felt wrong doing so.]

…I understand..

[What could he really say? She was right, he shouldn’t see what’s in there.]

[But.. she went into his without him even knowing just so she could save him.]

[He was at least telling her beforehand.]

But.. I can’t just let this keep going.

I.. I promise I won’t look at any memories you don’t want me to, and I’ll only focus on stopping whatever in your mind is causing this.

Just.. please, let me help you, just like you’ve helped me.

[He’s really not good at arguing.

But he’s not taking no for an answer if his mom needs help.]

[Scar places one of its paws on Autumn's shoulder. She seemingly relaxes at its touch.]

"Theodore. I–"

[Slower blinks. It's almost as if Scar is–]

"–I–"

[Autumn grows weak on her feet. Scar catches her as she almost falls, slowly coming to lay her down. Scar looks towards Theodore.]

She won't accept your help, but I will for her.

[Hgh! This telepathic speech is weird.]

Come here, lay down. I'll assist you.

I know what she doesn't want you to see. But I also know what you may want to.

…Thank you, Scar.

[He obliges, laying down.]

…I really hope this works.

There's even a recent one, with the letter from the adoption agency in her hands, before it shows her looking at Theodore. A small voice, Autumn's, echos quietly, "I actually did it."

The Pokémon keeps trotting forward.]

Follow me. Though feel free to look, I believe she wouldn't mind you seeing this.

[...After all, these memories seem fairly happy so far.]

…Huh.

[Weird. All these memories seem happy.]

[He begins to walk, his eyes darting around as he sees all the memories.]

[She had a good family, she had a job, these memories all seem happy and good.]

[She must’ve started feeling like this once shit hit the fan with that team. Or, that’s what he assumed.]

[Even Scar seems somewhat sentimental. It pulls a memory from behind a few others; Autumn is holding a small Fennekin up. Presumably, that's a young Scar.

Neither is a good direction to go. I'd have to cover your eyes and ears either way. This is what she's afraid of you knowing.

[Both sides look traumatic in a sense. Both also seem louder than the voices connected to the memories earlier. Theodore can hear the voices from here, but can't make out the words.]

I'd suggest staying right to avoid anything graphic.

[Well, Scar can't see Theodore right now, so technically he could go the other route if he wanted to...]

[As much as he wanted to listen..]

[Autumn saw a lot of things he never wanted anybody to see.]

[And even without that, curiosity was getting the better of him.]

[He mumbled a small apology before going down the left path.]

[Alright, he was really in this now, no more Scar to guide him. Just him looking through her memories.]

[…]

…I’m sorry, mom..

But I have to see what’s causing this.

Seems like Autumn still follows a similar sentiment.

"I am. Not Autumn."

The memory fades temporarily before brightening a bit. Jacq stands behind her when it does. There's more behind that particular thought, though.

"I can't save them. I couldn't save them. I will never be able to."

Dear child, do not look too deep.

I wouldn't wish for you to see more.

[Well, Theodore, you made it your business now.]

[Oh. Oh wow.]

[So she was a nurse, she must have lost a lot of patients, that explains a lot.]

[Still, no nurse can save everybody, she shouldn’t be dehumanizing herself that much over it, should she?]

[That memory of her being kidnapped..]

[…That alone proved this was the route he had to be on if he wanted to help her.]

[Even though he couldn’t hear, he began to speak.]

Mom..

Don’t degrade yourself like this.. no nurse can save everyone..

You’re still Autumn, you’re still the strongest person I know.. you’re.. you’re still the professor that saved a child who thought he couldn’t be saved.

Cmon, mom.. please…

[He knows what he has to do, and Scar is not going to like it.]

…I’m sorry, Scar.

[He grabs scar’s paws and begins to pull them away with all of his might, grunting slightly.]

But.. this is the path I need to go down to help her..

And I’m not leaving until i succeed.

She wouldn't want you to at least see this. Just keep walking.

[Scar pushes them forward, attempting to keep its paws over Theodore's view.]

Eventually she'll realize we're here and form a path to her... I hope.

"I will never be enough!"

The ground shakes a bit at the statement, Scar moving to secure Theodore to itself instead. The memory that stands in front is vivid; In front of her is Theodore in the hospital bed.

And Terastalis.

Does that make this some sort of maze? Do certain memories force new paths?

Looking to Scar, it seems unpleased with this memory. Its paw reaches out to it, rewinding the memory to see Terastalis's face.]

This is a lead. She forced this here despite taking a different track...

[Hearing her say those things about herself, it was like his heart got stabbed a thousand times.]

[It was still regular at least, for now.]

[Then the lead registered.]

…

HIM.

[Of course it’s that fucking bastard. The one that even made him transform in the first place.]

…Ok, so if that’s motherfucker, then I have to follow the string of memories and thoughts containing him, right?

[He reaches his hand out toward the memory, maybe if he can focus in on Terastalis, he can get more thoughts and memories related to him to appear.]

Perhaps. This could lead to her and whatever she's struggling with.

[More memories appear behind, forming a new, lighter path. The navy blue fades into a light, sky blue.

There's one more memory at the hospital, one where his voice echoes "the boss," but it seems only half relevant to the rest of her thoughts.

...the rest seem centered around Theodore. How they met, how she's come to support him, how she's seen his downfall, his redemption– she's seen it.

"I care so much. I wonder if I'm good enough for you?"Before Theodore could respond, she answers herself, "You tell me that I am, and I can only hope you're being truthful."

Clearly, Autumn is aware he's here. At least, aware enough.

She knows she cares a lot. Perhaps these memories surfaced to justify herself, finally; She is doing enough.]

Ah. I believe this is...

[The Pokémon doesn't finish its sentence. Scar plays over the memory that started it all: Prism Tower. It gazes at itself battling Henry's Pokémon.]

This I know: She's scared you'll blame yourself.

[That's why she didn't want his help.]

…

[“Scared you’ll blame yourself.”]

[…Blame himself?]

[Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.]

…Blame myself..?

[That’s what it all comes back to, huh?

It always comes back to THIS.

This damn memory, this damn moment, it all comes back to the day they met.]

…

[Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.]

…

[Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump.]

…

I..

I can’t just not blame myself.. when it always comes back to this.

[Dammit. Snap out of it. This is about saving her, you can go into your own mind with Mewtwo.]

[He runs his hand along the memory, he was curious on how a memory feels, a memory like this at least.]

[The one that snowballed into everything.]

…So this is the memory?

The one that branches out into it all?

Or.. is this just one spec in it all?

I'm not sure. The memory of Terastalis brought us here. I feel like this has more to do with Henry, though.

[...even Scar doesn't know. No one knows.]

She blames him for a lot, alongside herself, it seems.

[Voices echoes.

"I could have done better."

"I should have kept you out of this."

"I wish I had made better choices."

"But Henry left me none and unfortunately that caused you to be part of this too... I'm so sorry."

The memory seems to shift more between her, her Pokémon, and Theodore. When she talks, her gaze shifts more to him. Mentioning Henry forced her gaze at him.]

I've never understood why she blames herself for this. She did her best. She took on herself to take care of you once she realized what you both had.

[The memory feels sharp and cold against Theodore's hands. It was like touching a storm cloud ready to strike lightning and rain hail.]

This event was never your fault, Theodore.

[...Scar sounds like Autumn, in the way it speaks somewhat like her. It only makes sense it thinks like her, too.]

[He was out of things to say.]

[What could he even do? He couldn’t stop her from blaming herself, he couldn’t stop himself when it came to blaming himself for stuff.]

[He couldn’t comfort her, he just couldn’t save her.]

[…]

….

……

Oh to FUCKING HELL WITH IT!

[Enough with being civil, enough with trying to be soft.]

TO FUCKING HELL WITH BEING “CIVIL”!

[Maybe this was the best thing to happen, honestly.

Cause he was gonna pour his unfiltered heart out.]

NONE OF THIS WAS EVER YOUR FAULT!

IT WAS HIS! WHO STOLE YOUR PRIMARINA!? WHO CAUSED ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!? WHO ACTIVATED THAT FUCKING FORM!?

NOT YOU!

YOU JUST DID THE BEST YOU COULD IN THAT SITUATION AND THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A FAILURE!

YOU STILL CAME OUT ON TOP, DIDN’T YOU!? YOU STILL MADE IT AND LEARNED SOMETHING OUT OF ALL THIS!

I’M NOT LETTING THAT FUCKING BASTARD MAKE YOU FALL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION!

[Maybe he was being harsh. He didn’t care, not when his mom’s health was on the line.]

You have me! You have Jacq! You have people who will care about you no matter what and always be there for you!

You saved me when I thought I was unsaveable! You single-handedly convinced me that maybe, just maybe I had a CHANCE at becoming someone better.

If that doesn’t show how strong you are.. THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL!

So please.. for the love of Arceus.. just listen to me.

You. Are not. AT FAULT. Especially not for prism tower! That was my choice to come along! MINE!

I don’t care if you’re 500 feet deep in a depression..

I’m gonna help you get out of it.. NO. MATTER. WHAT!

[He finally stops, taking a deep breath.

That may have been the most passionate rant he’s ever had.]

[And the worst part.

It probably didn’t even help at all.]

[... Even Scar looked shocked. It has to cover its ears (given, they're definitely more sensitive here). But it seemingly listened through it.

Hopefully Autumn did, too. Some of the world seems to color shift after Theodore's rant. Is it making a path?

Scar goes ahead and says what they likely both know:]

She's already aware. I hope.

[The Delphox presses the memory again.]

[She has been content recently. Perhaps they're just looking at the mental scars.]

We're in a part of her mind where these are more relevant, unfortunately.

[And the depression likely doesn't help.]

I assume she heard you though. Perhaps she'll reflect and provide a path for us?

[Great, Scar useless in regards to ideas. What now?]

I have an idea.

[His terastal arm begins to pulse. He approaches the incomplete path.]

...I'm gonna fuckin leap.

[He begins to run, a symbol that looks like a vine spreads on his terastal arm.. and he leaps.]

[...]

[Theodore has learned Vine Whip!]

[Vines shoot out of his terastal arm, going out towards nothing, as if reaching toward an impossible heaven.]

[And he soon, inevitably begins to plummet.]

"Shut up! You wouldn't have done better!"

[Autumn tugs on the blanket around her. Turn around and–]

"–Shit! Theodore!"

[Her feet move on their own. She looks scared, terrified, tired, sad, everything.]

"I told you I– I didn't want you to see this, I didn't want you to see any of this!"

[One of her hands clasps her blanket. It's a simple gray one. It's one of Jacq's many, but this one seems to be a preference to her.]

"I– I mean– I heard you but– Oh my Arceus, I'm the worst mother ever!"

[Henry and Terastalis didn't matter to her right now. Actually they seem unbothered by her talking with him.

That's twice now.]

#tw depression #cw depression #tw self loathing #cw self loathing #tw trauma #cw trauma #normal theodore #a knowing monarch

You know that’s not true.

[The vines gently wrap around her and bring her to him, once she’s actually there, he just wraps his arms around her and hugs her.]

It’s ok mom.. I’m here for you. And Jacq will be here for you too once we’re back.

[Was he even doing this right?]

[Who cares, he just needed to do his best right now.]

It’ll be ok. Everything will be ok.

Don’t listen to those people telling you you’re not fit.

You obviously wouldn’t have those papers accepting your request if you weren’t, right?

[He stays hugging her, hoping to be some kind of anchor.]

It’s.. it’s ok if you need to cry or shout or do whatever, just know I’ll be right here.

Hey mom?

Can I talk to you about something?

@asktheodore)

How can I help you, dear? If this about the adoption stuff, I'm waiting for the court to call back...

So.. you know how you went into my mind before..?

Well.. I wanted to return the favor, since you don’t seem to be doing very well.

[He’s thought this through, and he’s fully convinced that he’s willing to do this.]

It would be less chaotic since you’ll know I’m going in.. and I’ll try my best not to look at any memories you don’t wanna see. Mewtwo could get me in easily too.

"–No!"

[It took her a moment to process (she did not sleep at all), but she quickly waves her hands.]

"No. No, no, no, no! You do not need to see the inside of my head."

[She's gone through a lot; seen things humans should have never seen, been through things no human should have to. Then again, isn't that everyone?

Alas, Autumn's job is to protect Theodore. That includes from her mind, too. There's a reason she had to submit medical records to prove that she's sound and safe for a child to be around.]

"My mind is more convoluted than you think. You shouldn't see that."

[Even then.]

"It's not up to you to deal with my problems. You're my child. My problems are mine. I'd want to keep it that way."

[Her Delphox, Scar, steps behind her. It knows.]

I..

[He doesn’t wanna push, he felt wrong doing so.]

…I understand..

[What could he really say? She was right, he shouldn’t see what’s in there.]

[But.. she went into his without him even knowing just so she could save him.]

[He was at least telling her beforehand.]

But.. I can’t just let this keep going.

I.. I promise I won’t look at any memories you don’t want me to, and I’ll only focus on stopping whatever in your mind is causing this.

Just.. please, let me help you, just like you’ve helped me.

[He’s really not good at arguing.

But he’s not taking no for an answer if his mom needs help.]

[Scar places one of its paws on Autumn's shoulder. She seemingly relaxes at its touch.]

"Theodore. I–"

[Slower blinks. It's almost as if Scar is–]

"–I–"

[Autumn grows weak on her feet. Scar catches her as she almost falls, slowly coming to lay her down. Scar looks towards Theodore.]

She won't accept your help, but I will for her.

[Hgh! This telepathic speech is weird.]

Come here, lay down. I'll assist you.

I know what she doesn't want you to see. But I also know what you may want to.

…Thank you, Scar.

[He obliges, laying down.]

…I really hope this works.

There's even a recent one, with the letter from the adoption agency in her hands, before it shows her looking at Theodore. A small voice, Autumn's, echos quietly, "I actually did it."

The Pokémon keeps trotting forward.]

Follow me. Though feel free to look, I believe she wouldn't mind you seeing this.

[...After all, these memories seem fairly happy so far.]

…Huh.

[Weird. All these memories seem happy.]

[He begins to walk, his eyes darting around as he sees all the memories.]

[She had a good family, she had a job, these memories all seem happy and good.]

[She must’ve started feeling like this once shit hit the fan with that team. Or, that’s what he assumed.]

[Even Scar seems somewhat sentimental. It pulls a memory from behind a few others; Autumn is holding a small Fennekin up. Presumably, that's a young Scar.

Neither is a good direction to go. I'd have to cover your eyes and ears either way. This is what she's afraid of you knowing.

[Both sides look traumatic in a sense. Both also seem louder than the voices connected to the memories earlier. Theodore can hear the voices from here, but can't make out the words.]

I'd suggest staying right to avoid anything graphic.

[Well, Scar can't see Theodore right now, so technically he could go the other route if he wanted to...]

[As much as he wanted to listen..]

[Autumn saw a lot of things he never wanted anybody to see.]

[And even without that, curiosity was getting the better of him.]

[He mumbled a small apology before going down the left path.]

[Alright, he was really in this now, no more Scar to guide him. Just him looking through her memories.]

[…]

…I’m sorry, mom..

But I have to see what’s causing this.

Seems like Autumn still follows a similar sentiment.

"I am. Not Autumn."

The memory fades temporarily before brightening a bit. Jacq stands behind her when it does. There's more behind that particular thought, though.

"I can't save them. I couldn't save them. I will never be able to."

Dear child, do not look too deep.

I wouldn't wish for you to see more.

[Well, Theodore, you made it your business now.]

[Oh. Oh wow.]

[So she was a nurse, she must have lost a lot of patients, that explains a lot.]

[Still, no nurse can save everybody, she shouldn’t be dehumanizing herself that much over it, should she?]

[That memory of her being kidnapped..]

[…That alone proved this was the route he had to be on if he wanted to help her.]

[Even though he couldn’t hear, he began to speak.]

Mom..

Don’t degrade yourself like this.. no nurse can save everyone..

You’re still Autumn, you’re still the strongest person I know.. you’re.. you’re still the professor that saved a child who thought he couldn’t be saved.

Cmon, mom.. please…

[He knows what he has to do, and Scar is not going to like it.]

…I’m sorry, Scar.

[He grabs scar’s paws and begins to pull them away with all of his might, grunting slightly.]

But.. this is the path I need to go down to help her..

And I’m not leaving until i succeed.

She wouldn't want you to at least see this. Just keep walking.

[Scar pushes them forward, attempting to keep its paws over Theodore's view.]

Eventually she'll realize we're here and form a path to her... I hope.

"I will never be enough!"

The ground shakes a bit at the statement, Scar moving to secure Theodore to itself instead. The memory that stands in front is vivid; In front of her is Theodore in the hospital bed.

And Terastalis.

Does that make this some sort of maze? Do certain memories force new paths?

Looking to Scar, it seems unpleased with this memory. Its paw reaches out to it, rewinding the memory to see Terastalis's face.]

This is a lead. She forced this here despite taking a different track...

[Hearing her say those things about herself, it was like his heart got stabbed a thousand times.]

[It was still regular at least, for now.]

[Then the lead registered.]

…

HIM.

[Of course it’s that fucking bastard. The one that even made him transform in the first place.]

…Ok, so if that’s motherfucker, then I have to follow the string of memories and thoughts containing him, right?

[He reaches his hand out toward the memory, maybe if he can focus in on Terastalis, he can get more thoughts and memories related to him to appear.]

Perhaps. This could lead to her and whatever she's struggling with.

[More memories appear behind, forming a new, lighter path. The navy blue fades into a light, sky blue.

There's one more memory at the hospital, one where his voice echoes "the boss," but it seems only half relevant to the rest of her thoughts.

...the rest seem centered around Theodore. How they met, how she's come to support him, how she's seen his downfall, his redemption– she's seen it.

"I care so much. I wonder if I'm good enough for you?"Before Theodore could respond, she answers herself, "You tell me that I am, and I can only hope you're being truthful."

Clearly, Autumn is aware he's here. At least, aware enough.

She knows she cares a lot. Perhaps these memories surfaced to justify herself, finally; She is doing enough.]

Ah. I believe this is...

[The Pokémon doesn't finish its sentence. Scar plays over the memory that started it all: Prism Tower. It gazes at itself battling Henry's Pokémon.]

This I know: She's scared you'll blame yourself.

[That's why she didn't want his help.]

…

[“Scared you’ll blame yourself.”]

[…Blame himself?]

[Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.]

…Blame myself..?

[That’s what it all comes back to, huh?

It always comes back to THIS.

This damn memory, this damn moment, it all comes back to the day they met.]

…

[Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.]

…

[Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump.]

…

I..

I can’t just not blame myself.. when it always comes back to this.

[Dammit. Snap out of it. This is about saving her, you can go into your own mind with Mewtwo.]

[He runs his hand along the memory, he was curious on how a memory feels, a memory like this at least.]

[The one that snowballed into everything.]

…So this is the memory?

The one that branches out into it all?

Or.. is this just one spec in it all?

I'm not sure. The memory of Terastalis brought us here. I feel like this has more to do with Henry, though.

[...even Scar doesn't know. No one knows.]

She blames him for a lot, alongside herself, it seems.

[Voices echoes.

"I could have done better."

"I should have kept you out of this."

"I wish I had made better choices."

"But Henry left me none and unfortunately that caused you to be part of this too... I'm so sorry."

The memory seems to shift more between her, her Pokémon, and Theodore. When she talks, her gaze shifts more to him. Mentioning Henry forced her gaze at him.]

I've never understood why she blames herself for this. She did her best. She took on herself to take care of you once she realized what you both had.

[The memory feels sharp and cold against Theodore's hands. It was like touching a storm cloud ready to strike lightning and rain hail.]

This event was never your fault, Theodore.

[...Scar sounds like Autumn, in the way it speaks somewhat like her. It only makes sense it thinks like her, too.]

[He was out of things to say.]

[What could he even do? He couldn’t stop her from blaming herself, he couldn’t stop himself when it came to blaming himself for stuff.]

[He couldn’t comfort her, he just couldn’t save her.]

[…]

….

……

Oh to FUCKING HELL WITH IT!

[Enough with being civil, enough with trying to be soft.]

TO FUCKING HELL WITH BEING “CIVIL”!

[Maybe this was the best thing to happen, honestly.

Cause he was gonna pour his unfiltered heart out.]

NONE OF THIS WAS EVER YOUR FAULT!

IT WAS HIS! WHO STOLE YOUR PRIMARINA!? WHO CAUSED ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!? WHO ACTIVATED THAT FUCKING FORM!?

NOT YOU!

YOU JUST DID THE BEST YOU COULD IN THAT SITUATION AND THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A FAILURE!

YOU STILL CAME OUT ON TOP, DIDN’T YOU!? YOU STILL MADE IT AND LEARNED SOMETHING OUT OF ALL THIS!

I’M NOT LETTING THAT FUCKING BASTARD MAKE YOU FALL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION!

[Maybe he was being harsh. He didn’t care, not when his mom’s health was on the line.]

You have me! You have Jacq! You have people who will care about you no matter what and always be there for you!

You saved me when I thought I was unsaveable! You single-handedly convinced me that maybe, just maybe I had a CHANCE at becoming someone better.

If that doesn’t show how strong you are.. THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL!

So please.. for the love of Arceus.. just listen to me.

You. Are not. AT FAULT. Especially not for prism tower! That was my choice to come along! MINE!

I don’t care if you’re 500 feet deep in a depression..

I’m gonna help you get out of it.. NO. MATTER. WHAT!

[He finally stops, taking a deep breath.

That may have been the most passionate rant he’s ever had.]

[And the worst part.

It probably didn’t even help at all.]

[... Even Scar looked shocked. It has to cover its ears (given, they're definitely more sensitive here). But it seemingly listened through it.

Hopefully Autumn did, too. Some of the world seems to color shift after Theodore's rant. Is it making a path?

Scar goes ahead and says what they likely both know:]

She's already aware. I hope.

[The Delphox presses the memory again.]

[She has been content recently. Perhaps they're just looking at the mental scars.]

We're in a part of her mind where these are more relevant, unfortunately.

[And the depression likely doesn't help.]

I assume she heard you though. Perhaps she'll reflect and provide a path for us?

[Great, Scar useless in regards to ideas. What now?]

#tw depression #cw depression #tw self loathing #cw self loathing #tw trauma #cw trauma #normal theodore #a knowing monarch

I have an idea.

[His terastal arm begins to pulse. He approaches the incomplete path.]

...I'm gonna fuckin leap.

[He begins to run, a symbol that looks like a vine spreads on his terastal arm.. and he leaps.]

[...]

[Theodore has learned Vine Whip!]

[Vines shoot out of his terastal arm, going out towards nothing, as if reaching toward an impossible heaven.]

[And he soon, inevitably begins to plummet.]

Holy shit..

Holy fuck..

That ex-admin.. he cut through all the guards I brought with me like they were paper..

What the actual FUCK!?

Rain. What did you do??

WE CAN'T KEEP HIRING PEOPLE EVERYTIME WE GET ALL OF THEM MASSACRED.

It’s none of your concern.

All you need to know is that Jackson person may be our new biggest threat if we cross him in Hoenn again.

No shit! Sounds like you made him a threat by doing whatever the fuck you were doing!

For everyone's safety, I'm asking you what you did. History clearly repeats itself. Let's not make the same mistakes over and over again. After all, that means the next person dead could be me or you.

All I did was try to ask her about the league assistant’s whereabouts, and she wouldn’t comply and frankly was extremely rude to us so I had to use force!

Isn’t that what someone does when a person doesn’t comply?

I– You fucking dumbass, using force gets us in more trouble!

Have some fucking sympathy! The woman's cousin fucking disappeared for a week! Of course she's gonna be upset about that!

redcrayonscribble

Yeah that's tot'ly tha reason..