askthequeenofliars: There’s no reason to get all upset, dear. You do what you think is fit, although, if you’re asking for my opinion, a little assertiveness never hurts. If you’d like, I could even give you a few pointers, being the gracious and kindhearted friend I am. Oh, and modest,… Then I will allow you to refer to me as your personal wise wizard counselor. I will do my absolute best to ensure you that by the end of this lesson, you will make your so-called “friends" bow before you and beg you for the grace to even be considered one of your followers. If I fail, then… that’s probably because you didn’t try hard enough, and, since we can’t make a blood oath, you will not be able to blame or file a lawsuit on me. Are we clear as crystal? Or still foggy like the mind of Alice? Nevertheless, let us begin! First, you need to arrange your speech patterns to give off the impression that you’re superior and defiant to your conversational partner. They will surely not want to give you any trouble if you do so. Next, use big words to confuse their simpleton minds. Deep metaphors, occasional puns, and quotes from your favourite books and movies will be sure to throw them off. They’ll dive right into a sea of what the heck, and will respect you, or something like that. Lastly, if someone is being stubborn, or gives you crap (*cough*Yamada*cough*youcallthatmilktea?*cough*) … call them out and challenge them to a duel. When they lose, behead them and showcase their disembodied craniums on your wall for all to laugh at and admire. Or, I suppose, you could take a more simpler route and defend yourself in a civilized manner, but, that’s boring, is it not? I hope you’re getting all of this, Fujisaki- oops, I mean, Sir Alter Ego.
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