deep thoughts from an anus @askthetomboy - Tumblr Blog

kabaks

@ the rest of the world, get on istanbul’s level with respect to cats

vicfanchan

This made my day

nellucnhoj

From the Archives: you’re not alone

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warandpeas

Good Friend

ambulancelivedebut

gomez and morticia addams are the only straight rich couple i trust everyone else is on thin fucking ice

yeswevegotavideo

I defy you to prove to me that either one is straight.

ohbeckoh

there aint a human on this earth that gomez wouldn’t think about fucking and involuntarily yell “EXTRAORDINARY! absolutely singular!” after. He’s just hear to party.

and you know morticia didn’t have a lesbian college experience she had THE GIRL ON GIRL TOUR OF THE CENTURY just to ruin some sororities.

real-retail-stories

[PLEASE KEEP ANONYMOUS BC I DON’T WANT TO BE FIRED]

I’m a bra fitter in the UK. Won’t name the store, but it’s one that’s internationally popular so occasionally we get people from abroad coming in to bulk-buy English bras because they fit better and are cheaper.

A few months ago a German woman, who didn’t speak any English, came in for a fitting with her two daughters to translate for her. What she didn’t know was that I speak near-fluent German because I used to work in Bochum as a primary school teacher.

I fitted her for an hour (she wanted a LOT) and she slagged me off the whole time - “she doesn’t know what she’s doing / she’s so young– have they given me an intern? I want a professional / I won’t take fashion advice from a girl that heavy / she’s not using european sizing, is she stupid” - and her daughters translated VERY favourably, both of them clearly quite uncomfortable with the situation.

I put on a brave face for the whole thing, pretending not to notice, and then as I was putting in her customer info (we keep a record of all our customers) one of the daughters complimented me for pronouncing their surname correctly.

I said thanks, and casually dropped into conversation - in perfect German - that I used to live in Germany and spoke the language.

Watching all the colour drain from that woman’s face as she realised what just happened, and seeing her two daughters quietly lose their collective shit behind her, was pretty glorious. Almost made it worth it.

warandpeas

R E S P E C T

alisonzai

lmfao sports literally just b like. put it in the hole

magicalgirlmindcrank

bottoms b like that too

tamascotchi-deactivated20190101

c’mon sweetheart my flesh is thawing, get over here and

adammuto

No. 82

idontusethiswebsiteanymorebye-d

i can’t believe he just single-handedly ended homophobia

melonmemes

berrystumpytail

afloweroutofstone

“Russia is European” “No, Russia is in Asia”

Have you considered: there is literally nothing justifying Europe and Asia being two different continents in the first place

afloweroutofstone

You’re right, I forgot that we arranged our continents by mountain ranges, I had to look at my world map again

autumnal-palinode-deactivated20

did you make this just to be petty

afloweroutofstone

Everything I have ever done has had being petty as the goal

whomst

Every horse movie

Sarah aynn: “no one understands me I hate you Mom for making us move out here in the middle of no where there’s not even cute boys” *runs away and finds mysterious farm* Old man wilkinson: “this right here lil lady is a hourisey if yer can tame t it’s yoires if not it’s goin back to the horse factory” Sarsjh: *walks up to horse and starts to pet its nose* “see girl? You and me aren’t so different after all” Old man wonka: “why I don’t believe it she done tamed ol’ misery I reckon she ought to sign her up for the horuse show and save the farm” *cut scene of Sarah sneaking out the house to ride her horse everyday until her mom finds out* Mom: “young lady you are GROUNDED!!!! You are not allowed to compete in the horse show” Staryah: “no Mom please” *runs away and almost gets hit by car but then the horse pushes the car out the way" Mom: “fucjkfidnb maybe that’s a good horse after all”