hot mess (but you love it)

love in its purest form without quantification

[asteralpines]

ello! my name is ria, and this is my pining blog :)

(btw. if you know me irl and you don't know who pretty castmate is-- LEAVE. i am so serious i know i said i didn't have a dni but you're on my dni now. get OUT.) (sorry just had to get the Serious Stuff out of the way first lol)

#grayaro's romantic mishaps from my main blog @/asteralpanda is moving here, so not everyone has to deal with my romantic vents! yay!

my sexuality is: at least attracted to women, idk about the rest. im grayaro, specifically that my attraction fluctuates for a while between romantic-leaning and more platonic-leaning until usually settling to some sort of alterous thing.

no dni for this blog because you're literally just watching me pine lmao. you can go to my main blog for that!

where we stand with the current squish/crush: so she's pretty castmate. the attraction has faded somewhat but it still lingers, and the pining hURTS. we're friends :D we text :D the plan is to tell her once current show ends

dividers from here by @/dollywons !

OH also--my ask box is open for vents of any kind, or if you just want to chat, but it's probably going to be romance focused? im particularly interested in hearing other aspec's relationship with romance!

#maintenance is for... blog maintenance, obviously, #unrelated for unrelated stuff cause general vents might also go here!, #asks!! for... guess

alternate sets of dividers i might use (from here by @/mikeykuns)

[asteralpines]

the platonic attraction is fluctuating

[asteralpines]

we arent friends anymore (she says acquaintances?) but thats related to a separate issue which is kind of good cause i need recovery time to a) patch myself up and b) feel out ny attractions to see where i want to be now

i hope the platonic attraction disappears too

because like. now i dont want anything to do with her anymore, you know? im not sure whats happening but the romantic attraction started fading and well im still sad (like really sad) but i think im starting to get over it

i just. im just sad. i think that we'll probably never see each other again, in all likelihood, except for out other show, so maybe there's no point in trying to keep things amicable

the plan was to stop talking to her until she cools off (and which knowing how petty she is will take a while) so i. i guess i have to deal with all my stupid feelings now

[asteralpines]

i just wanna love someone who loves me back

[asteralpines]

the platonic attraction is dying and at least a apart of me is just like, wow this person sucks and is really mean, why did i like her?

but then im just likr welp im still in love with her ig. so thats. Something

[asteralpines]

i think i still like her

fuckkkkkkkkkk

[asteralpines]

rejection number two suffered through

its alwyas mondays goddammit

[asteralpines]

she knew the whole damn time

im actually super upset wtf

[asteralpines]

FUCK she's mad at me

[asteralpines]

show's over

i'll confess tonight maybe (over text yes but whtv)

[asteralpines]

yeah shes getting set up with someone else who she thinks is really pretty

im just going to tell her, we're still both in a different cast but our main show just closed, i'll just... confess i guess. for no good reason

[asteralpines]

so show weekends fUCKIN SUCK

good news: done with understudying! i can forget my lines now

bad news: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK (other castmate is watching me type) (kay hes gone) the attraction is back with a STUBBORNNESS like genuinely aint no way its fading anytime soon

come onnnnn

two months of suffering weren't enough?

[asteralpines]

what if i kms

[asteralpines]

apparently shes got an "interesting situation" with a gir that might result in romantic relationship

i really cant help but hope but im so wrong i just know it

[asteralpines]

genuinely thought she'd get tumblr for a hot second and was prepared to be CLOCKED

[asteralpines]

i'm gonna tell her once this school year's over, i think

we're closer than we used to be, but once the show closes, who can say for sure?

she's answering her texts much faster than she used to, so that's nice i think, but it honestly hurts too much to suspect

but anyway, yeah i'm going to tell her, especially if my school transfer request goes through

[asteralpines]

i think its gone

damn

like for good. i dont think i like her anymore. this is partially related to the fact that she Pissed Me Off today but it might have been a long time coming, i dont know, im not sure

but i think it really is gone for good