🇰🇵✨🤍🔒🦁&foodn’t @astralclocktower - Tumblr Blog

the very first step of getting over your fears is to have them. just like the first step to getting better is being worse than you wish you were, and the first step to becoming who you want to be is being who you are. don’t let your shame back you into a corner. you can only grow from here.

angelnumber27

portal to a better place II

I really hate myself. I’m such a messed up person. I’m not normal. I’ll never be normal. I’m so unhappy. I’m bulimic and fat. I was never normal and all I want is to be normal. Why can’t I be normal. I just lay here crying most days feeling regretful over choices I’ve made in life and yet incredibly angry over things that have happened to me in my life which lead to me making such decisions.

I’m stupid. I’m so incredibly stupid. I can’t do anything right. I’m not good enough at anything. I don’t deserve anything. I really hate myself. 200mg of Zoloft for almost 10 years now for what? I still just want to give up every day. Nothing I do is ever good enough and at the same time I’m too much. I hate myself.

I often think maybe it would be nice to commit myself but then I think how would that affect my job? But then again why do I care? But then again without being a workaholic what do I have? But then again I hate being a workaholic. But I am one. And I hate it. But what else do I have. I’m deathly afraid of having nothing yet all I want is nothing.

I always think I need to become more sick and hurt so I don’t need to do anything anymore. How embarrassing and pitiful. I want to be sick enough where I can’t work and I need to be taken care of. What type of life is that. Disgusting. I hate myself.

What causes these thoughts? My own disgusting self.

#personal

swansfairy-deactivated20190523

“And so, Odette discovered courage in the most unlikely place: Herself.”

— Barbie of Swan Lake (2003)

#personal

hullabaloo-balloon

During the Renaissance, Michelangelo (1475-1564) famously described stone sculpture as the slow release of a form as it emerged out of the block. He said that it was his role as an artist to liberate the human form trapped inside the block by gradually chipping away at the stone surface.