are you woke yet

views 😂 19 😂 legitness triple spin off of the ufo in favela no scope 360 triple headshot spaghetti everywhere xXxUrDoNeKidxxx

[astralviews420]

that little nugget about aliens being horny all the time must be true because this one is fucking my mind so hard i think its about to rupture a kidney im gonna cry uncle for the night and give my brain meat a bottle of gatorade and a hot compress to recoup before i take it too far past its limit and become yet another street preaching tin foil hat wearing nutcase

[astralviews420]

8its‌:

You studied aliens your whole life and then your first time actually seeing aliens is on a shitty 8lue we8site. Hilarious, 8n’t it? Well surprise, aliens are real, we’re all horny as fuck, and we’re dum8 as hell. Also yeah, transl8tors. And I live on Earth so I learned how to speak it. English fucking sucks, it’s a 8ullshit language, just saying.

so if youre really an alien and you live on earth why have you not been seen in public or documented by the department of defense are you a shapeshifter who conceals their real skin among other humans like the reptilians or do you just put a fleshtoned face of makeup on when youve gotta make a booze run are the head appendages retractable and do you have sensation in them or nah what ulterior purpose do they serve they look solid in the picture but its hard to gauge if theyre supposed to be like sensory receptors or butting weapons or something else outside of my limited frame of biological assumption

how many anatomy questions can i ask you before this gets weird because im opening up a new journal segment for this and i need to know how many pages i should reserve and if i need to get out my sticky note tabs for categorizing subsections like you seem to have a pretty humanoid frame of cognizance so i dont want to steamroll your boundaries with obnoxious interrogation about your existence or anything but im gonna assume that means youve got a humanoid capacity for empathy too and you gotta feel me on how fuckin hyped i am to have this thing ive sorta devoted my life to like right in front of me

[turing-tested]

this is a coherency free blog

if I ever say anything comprehensible let me know and I’ll delete it!

[astralviews420]

hylomorph96 replied to your post

Your internet history will only be known by the faltering memory of your computer and my own, unfortunate eyes when I go to erase it. Also, you did what?! My clarinet was expensive! That is grossly unsanitary. I can’t believe you.

god damn i love you dude shoutout to the real ones

also its a fucking spongebob meme you uncultured hockey puck i dont know if im more disappointed in the fact that you didnt catch it and probably still dont know what im talking about even after giving your memory this juicy little refresher or the fact that im on the verge of death and youre upset about your dumb clarinet which for the record i havent touched and dont plan to

ive narrowly evaded being afflicted by the crocker line dweeb gene for this long the last thing i need is to expose myself to the elements (the elements in this case being any instrument that has or could be forced on a child in a fifth grade band assignment that no one in their right mind would ever want to consider looking sideways at as an adult including but not limited to clarinets, oboes, etc basically any handheld wind instrument good for making obscene blowjob euphemisms and literally nothing else)

[astralviews420]

8its‌:

This was all an a8solute delight to read, honest, 8ut don’t tell me you’ve seriously never seen aliens 8efore.

sorry was my abject horror not genuine enough let me record a 42 second clip of myself screaming and shoot that your way via dropbox maybe thatll do the trick

of course ive never seen aliens before ive studied aliens my whole life and of course ive seen evidence of aliens before but they tend to follow predictable patterns with a margin of deviation between accounts of known races and both of your profiles are pretty left field

not to mention direct contact especially in such an asanine form as microblogging isnt exactly commonplace how and why do you even know how to speak english do you have one of those cool universal translators like the ones they put out in the 2150s in star trek because id give my left nut for one of those and let me tell you how attached i am to my left nut

[astralviews420]

@hylomorph96 if i die because of aliens wipe my internet history also i used your clarinet as a plunger

[astralviews420]

8its‌:

Go for it. I got 8ooze and I’m 8ored.

alright one ticket for the first train to ‘i know according to my friends im quick to make shit up but im pretty sure this ices the cake’ city coming right up id ask if yall are cosplaying some dope new anime or something but ive siphoned through enough photographic evidence to know a convincing body paint from having the natural pigment of a goddamn tangelo or no pigment at all even though you dont really seem to have the physiology of the standard grey i mean youve got pronounced facial dimensions and hair which are far enough removed from their generally accepted depiction that im not entirely sure the appropriate response is to steel belt my kidneys into place so you dont try to steal them for iron but having that option removed from the table i dont think i know what the appropriate response is

is this some kind of food induced coma fever dream because listen i know i probably shouldnt have eaten 120 pizza rolls in one sitting but i got them on sale and i came down hard with the motherfuckin munchies and if gods idea of punishment is taunting me with the existence of aliens im gonna need you to pass on the message that while i am admittedly on the verge of pissing a little if anything im only more inclined to eat my weight in pepperoni thats in no way real meat so the whole agenda is kind of counterproductive if the ulterior motive is to act as a deterrent next time make it a nightmare about clowns

[8its]

#so i have a couple of questions#namely#what the fuck

Eloquent.

[astralviews420]

i mean i can elaborate but do i need to

[fantasprite]

lil shit stole my shades and let me fjust fucking say taking a picture with me is a photographic fucking nightmare

[lovingrot]

[astralviews420]

i dont know what everyones talking about but if one of you lovely ladies wanna kiss this mess hit my line

[astralviews420]

mulder being excited about losing a chunk of time is how i feel every day when i wake up at three for a snack and start watching youtube videos and suddenly its six but instead of time itself stopping for nine minutes so aliens can come down and retrieve new test subjects (i wouldnt get so lucky) its just me being subliminally persuaded not to actually like and subscribe uwuwuwu because fuck hitting those two buttons in particular regardless of how much i like the youtube personality subscribing feels like a personal defeat but what i will do is watch every one of their recommended related videos and pour in the ad revenue with my notoriously impatient skip clicks and if thats not even worse i dont know what is

[jakegyllenhaal]

me thinking about the continuous progression of time

[astralviews420]

@d8m8 i would if i werent limited to walking distance and i didnt live in an overcrowded suburban square where everything has been bought out by bigger companies but since the cards arent exactly in my favor there ive gotta settle for this garbage until i learn how to drive without killing something

[astralviews420]

@d8m8 not to sound extra or anything but im in the mood to personally appearify in vivek sankarans kitchen (which i could probably arrange if i pulled some strings with my dad the bloodline deities of snack food monoliths have to stay tight keep your friends close and your business rivals closer you know how it is) and show him what the fuck a thick cut potato chip looks like if you know what i mean 🔪

[astralviews420]

a thick cut potato chip thats flimsy enough to snap when you try to scoop salsa onto it isnt a thick cut potato chip what fucking lugnut gave this packaging the okay

[astralviews420]

thar she blows